Denmark is re-opening in phase two. First were the little ones, now they open the malls, the shops, and the outdoor sports. But I´m still staying home as much as possible.
From next Monday, they send the youth back to school. And the independent boarding schools re-open. But I´m still extremely cautious when in public.
Phase three and four are also being prepared now. They say social distancing in public now should be only three feet rather than six as before as yesterday. But I´m still keeping even more distance.
My anxiety in public is more active now. I don´t like being outside our home and garden for more than a walk with the little, wise dog or a short shopping trip to our local shop.
In the past week, it has been the physical aspects of my anxiety that have dominated my constant inner fight against this creepy feeling of discomfort.
I have been able to control it most of the time, but in the weekend it became really annoying for no apparent reason. It feels as if a cloak is being placed tight around me that makes me want to run as fast as hell.
Now, I can write about it, and my counselor also called today. We are to have a three month conversation about a possible prolonging of my counseling. I hope to get it, but with this one never really knows.
I have been working with witchcraft related issues this past week to divert me from my fight with the physical aspects of my anxiety. The symptoms of a threatening attack have been second opponent.
And I needed a regular break from any online activities for a while. I could not concentrate enough to write clearly about what was going on. Sometimes silence is gold.
But now I´m feeling a little better, and I´m fighting back every inch of the way with motivation and trust in my shadow Self, even though that it is a painful travel with an unwanted companion.
I´m learning to cope with anxiety on a daily basis. It is as tough as a full-time job, mostly because there is so much uncertainty this spring. And I don´t like surprises, here-and-now decisions, and too many unknowns.
So, we live live in a tough and insecure time, where many things can go wrong very quickly, and I can only try to control my own reaction to what happens. Re-opening Denmark is stressful when you live with anxiety.
I try to watch the news with great care that I only watch the most necessary and leave the majority to the world itself to deal with. My part in all this is limited physically as much as possible.
And to be brutally honest, I don´t miss much from the old world before Corona-virus. I had already changed my lifestyle long before that. And now, the many months of hard work to do that pays off.
I´m used to live rather isolated. I know how to get the most out of every situation, especially if the situation happens right here, in my wonderful home, a privilege to be deeply humble and grateful for.
Re-opening Denmark will again show the human factor, both at its worst and at its best. I hope and pray that we will learn most from the last of the two options.
But I don´t mind telling that I truly feel my anxiety at its critical moment these days. It some days almost feels like having been in a boxing ring for twelve exhausting rounds.
It can sneer and growl at me. It can hiss and lash out after me. And it can try to torment my soul with its dismantling thoughts. I won´t give up, I will fight, and I´m okay, Self.
I can literally feel the anxiety in my body, mind, and soul. And at the same time, I have the side-effects from my prescription medicine to handle on top of osteoarthritis and degenerated disc disorder.
So it hurts, especially on cooler days like today. It means pain killers in rare moments where I need them to be able to exist as a human being with at least my good humor left.
Today, I watched a funny video that my neighbor and friend send me. It still makes me laugh and think of funny situations in my life. It saves the whole day with a good laughter about this crazy world.
It is necessary to laugh and to have a good cry, too. It is a kind of mental release that is magickal in itself. When I laugh, I feel less pain, so thank you, dear neighbor and friend for making my day better.
Thank you also, dear husband of mine, for making my life a blessing. Every day I´m happy here, no matter how many fights it takes to beat the anxiety that is my own worst enemy.
My mood is in the fast lane, but with control and hard work behind to balance the everyday in the best possible way. Being bipolar is not fun at all in times of stress, as in here and now outside in the world, especially not the deep swings between low and high.
But at least it is controllable, whereas anxiety needs to be tamed no matter where, when, and how it happens. The why question is more difficult to answer.
I focus solely on the early symptoms. The reasons behind anxiety depends on who you are and where you are in life. And sometimes, there could be many possible answers or none at all, as it is for me right now.
So rather than working with the past, I prefer to work with the anxiety in the moment it occurs. I can only try to control my inner gut feeling as the director in an never-ending story.
Re-opening Denmark stirs my anxiety. But I have decided that I can handle that as well as any other issue anxiety might have in store for me. I will never give up, never surrender to this creepy feeling of wanting to get away from something unknown so much that it scares me.
I hope it is not too soon. I hope that we can keep doing what we are doing here at our spot of Mother Earth. And I hope that my anxiety stays controllable, that it will be even better tomorrow, that the good times will prevail.
So mote it be.