Still recovering from the price of anxiety as a life-long companion, I´m in the best of moods, however.
Getting better by the day, this has become my new motto. I have several physical and mental ailments to live with, whatever I like it or not. But I don´t mean to sound complaining.
I live a happy life with an exceptional family, the one that we created ourselves, not the biological one as the only guiding line. I have everything I need close by.
And I know I can trust my true friends and allies in this ever so crazy world. They have my back and I have theirs. Sharing our lives is a major privilege for which I´m deeply grateful.
This is also me, the one who writes about witchcraft and writing as well.
I began this blog writing that my personality would shine through my writing. And I write the truth about my experiences, my dreams, and my goals with this blog.
There is room for pagan stuff, the love for writing, and a personal diary.
Things change, people change. I have changed, too. The time before Corona seems so far away these days. Being grateful and enjoying life is not new to me.
But now, I enjoy life to its fullest with what is available in the present moment. I´m grateful on a daily basis, and I´m not afraid to show it. The world is a changed place.
Although it seems more and more that people are getting careless and have enough in themselves again. We´re not through this yet, and it may take so much longer, because too many didn´t care.
They can do whatever they want, as long as it is possible for me to be careful, I will keep taking my strict precautions when in public. I don´t need to be sick, I don´t need to pretend everything is normal.
Everything is not normal, and it is apparently too difficult to have to make a few sacrifices so that we all could get through this with as few casualties as possible.
So I remain at home whenever I can. I love my life here and don´t need to go back to the world in the past. We can´t change the past anyway. So I have taught myself to be creative with what I already have.
My father doesn´t seem to care, either. I can only sigh and say whatever. It is his own choice to behave with egocentric attitude and I-want-it-all- right- here-and-now manners-
It is also to see a bipolar mind without medication and therapy. No funny at all. But I won´t let it spoil my day, so I turn off the news, release my thoughts about my father, and work with some creative projects.
Like naming a wheelbarrow Trille (in Danish a wheelbarrow is called a tril-le-boer) as today´s picture shows, taking pictures of the flowers in the garden, and working with this blog post.
Diversion is one of my many strategies to handle anxiety in an unpredictable world. Another is to take the time necessary to do things. I always work in my own pace.
I can´t change careless behavior in anyone but myself. So I do what we have been asked to do, and I live by our own strict guidelines for appearance in public and for the coming counselor visits.
It will be with a six feet distance, outside in the garden, with rubbing alcohol close by. I got another year of counseling, so I´m happy and feel safe for just now and the summer to come.
At the moment, I have quite a few mood swings from day to day. So getting better by the day means literally by the day. I can only manage a day at a time, so much depends on my mood on the day of something.
I may have to stay inside the house because it is overwhelming to be around anybody. I may have to eat alone some days because the inner turmoil just feels too much for me to be in any social situation.
Or I may, as today, be in a pleasant and happy mood where nothing feels wrong. But every time I beat the anxiety, it is a major victory. Today, I have won the first three rounds already, so it is one of the good days.
We have just been on our afternoon walk with the little wise, old dog. He is happy, with his tail all curled up, eating a treat right now. We will have a barbecue dinner with our neighbors and their children in a few hours from now.
But until then, I stay inside to write and to calm myself down. It was tough to be outside in the stressed world, even for a short walk. Today, I don´t need too many people and too many things going on around me.
It took some time before I learned to be so open with my ailments that I now speak frankly about it with my family and close friends. But it is necessary, otherwise they will not know how to be around me.
They also know that it is not personal issues that keep me from being social on a day like today, with sunshine, a beautiful garden, and a privileged life where I practically can do whatever I want.
As long as it is inside our financial, mental and common limits. Then, living on a budget becomes a fun and happy event. I would rather wait for the right offer than would I race to shopping malls with lend money.
Over the next couple of days I plan to create two or three delicate solitary rituals where there will be time to meditate over ways to conquer the anxiety, to contemplate about life, and to do some self-healing work.
If you forget about yourself and your needs, you won´t be able to do anything, neither for other people or yourself. And my body always tell me when it is time for some serious self-care.
Next week, I will enjoy the rituals and I can´t wait to feel the good and positive energy that working with witchcraft teaches me to obtain by using little, sometimes big and delicate, rituals in the everyday.
To have something to rely on spiritually, to be able to get in touch with the better me, and to tune my body, mind, and spirit in to the rhythms of Nature and Mother Earth.
My novel is under extended research, and I have come to a point where I need to write and rewrite a lot. I don´t edit yet, I simply write a paragraph at a time and read it out aloud to hear if it sounds right.
If not, I continue with new paragraphs until I´m satisfied and is able to work the different pieces into something worth reading. I also need to make myself a portable bag with a notebook, a ball pen, and my cell phone to record my thoughts when outside in the garden.
And I need to buy new canvasses for painting online when it is payday again soon. So next week will be busy, where this one is concerned with relaxation, contemplation, and self-care.
Getting better by the day definitely also means being creative and content with the everyday. With all the change going on outside this house and garden, I´m happy to live as stable and predictable as possible.
My everyday is simple, yet complicated. Simple, because stress is so unnecessary if you only make a few, but elementary changes in lifestyle. Complicated, because the outside world can be so invasive mentally.
I´m okay, Self. It is going well with the little ones in daycare, kindergarten, and school. We do what we can to avoid getting sick. And I´m working with a possible correction of some of my prescription medicine.
I´ll wait for a couple of weeks, before I make an appointment with my GP with the aid from my counselor, because my GP is the stubborn type that seldom do anything except with an extra voice in the matter.
But if this long period of anxiety time continues, I´m willing to change the dosage of my anxiety medicine. It consumes too much of my precious time, and it is exhausting for the body to be so tense for so long periods.
Getting better by the day takes time, hard work, and a lot of self-insight. But it is worth the trouble, my strategies help me more and more. Let it be so and better tomorrow, so mote it be.