To live with shadows close by is not new to me. All my life, I have felt the presence of something from time to time.
The worst I experienced a couple of years ago. I literally felt that I had to hide deep under the sheets to be safe from whatever went crazy in my kitchen. There was nothing to see, but the kitchen cabinets clattered and rattled as if a gigantic force got hold of them.
Another time I experienced to see some shadows shortly after my mother´s passing five years ago. I sat in a park when a dog walker passed by. The dog barked and snarled at something. When I turned around there was nothing. But when I was alone again, I saw some shadows in the forest.
It was okay, but my hair was laden with electricity.
Three years ago I became the witch I was born to be. I come from a series of very strong women. Who didn´t meant yes when they said no. Who was used to fight for their rights. Who is still strong just here behind the keyboard.
Living with the shadows is a choice that I´m proud of. It is an active choice where you recognize that there are certain things in this world that you are not meant to control. I don´t believe in fate as a concept. But yet I believe that things happen for a reason.
The main reason is for us to learn and grow from what happens to us.
I have no explanation to give to the two experiences. It just happened, and it scared me at first. Today, I feel differently. It meant that I had to move away and that the death of my mother was a tough, but also a beautiful experience. She got peace at the right moment, she was beautiful to kiss goodbye.
It is quite different from the icy cold feeling when something is wrong in our lives. We have felt that coldness quite a few times, but today we know how to handle it. We lit some more candles, draw the pentagram three times in the air, and pray for unity, friendship, and love.
Today, living with the shadows is as natural as breathing. I´m careful not to draw too much energy from myself into my work with witchcraft. I take my occasional breaks here as I do anywhere else. But I give everything I have when necessary.
Shadow work has become essential to me in many ways. One of them being that I get to know myself on a whole new level. Facing fears has always been an issue for me and I have tried to escape it for many years. Today, I´m no longer scared. Witchcraft and shadow work has enabled me to face up to it.
I use a tool as simple as the bathroom mirror. There I often look myself in the eyes. It is a good mentor to trust, for those eyes don´t lie. If they try to, they´ll show. So I trust that look as well as my gut feelings.
To look into one´s own shadows in a mirror is a strong experience at times. But I can guarantee you, dear readers, it is a trustworthy wake-up call. I know immediately if something is wrong in my life by looking in a mirror for a few minutes.
The eyes are said to be the portal of the soul. My eyes have taught me to face up to my fears and to stay true to myself. For the moment, the shadows are yet to answer our questions about my husband´s health. We were told it was not lung cancer this week.
Thank you, dear Universe. It was part of the answer. The rest still awaits us on Tuesday, December 3, 2019. So we are not safe just yet. But the atmosphere is not so stressed anymore, it is quiet and patient. We have to get through this waiting time together.
For changes affect the whole family.
Other than that, we live in a peaceful place where the only shadows are the ones we make out of fear of changes. And, of course, the shadows that belong to the house. They are gentle, make but little noise, and do not seem to have other than good intentions.
Working with witchcraft is also working with the shadows, e.g. in ancestor work. So it is a choice of lifestyle as well as it is a Craft. It is a choice that means business. It has changed the world view here. We have changed with it.
Today, we went out to buy Christmas presents for the neighbor´s children, however. We saw quickly how small a budget we live on compared to the many, many people that went Black Friday bananas. Scary to see how much plastic we are willing to buy when the Earth is choking on it.
Other shadows there were the customers whose money comes from fast loans at the last minute. That means up for payment in January, where the divorce rate rises accordingly. Here we are debt-free and still use cash money whenever it is possible.
That way we know exactly how much money we can afford to spend and the fun part of it is that it is possible to get good stuff even though it may not be the latest edition. I´m shocked to see close up how people act when there are events like Black Friday. Courtesy no longer exists.
We even saw a crashed car in the middle of the parking lot.
Now, we try to relax and recover from our experiences with people today. Tomorrow I´m going to consecrate a healing candle for my husband. And we are having the whole day for ourselves and will enjoy each other´s company only.
We share some shadows between us, but we have chosen not to fight anymore. We love each other too much for that. That doesn´t mean, however, that we always agree on everything, and we also still have our small discussions. But never in a harsh or spiteful voice.
We´ve been there long enough, and we´ve decided to live our life on our own terms that differ a lot from the more conventional parts of our family. The parts that we no longer share the moments with, because we live separate lives.
Fortunately, we have created our own rainbow family with our sweet neighbors and a few close friends. To live in an extended family is a privilege, both demanding and fun at the same time. Demanding in the sense that there are mutual respect and friendship between us. Fun, for there are three children.
At the age of seven, almost four, and almost two.
Living with the shadows means working with my ancestors. Their shadows are a welcome experience every time it happens. I can often feel them very near me as if they were following me from a distance. And it is a good feeling. It is warm inside, it is comforting to think of them, and it is right in my heart.
So, in many different ways, the shadows play a major part here. But in everyday life, not so much. I just know that there is something I cannot otherwise explain. And I try to avoid conjuring anything that I cannot dispel.
As a gray witch, I know that magick is not only black or white. There are worlds of shadows around us that we humans cannot comprehend. So I´m always careful not to touch more energy than I have to. At some time, that energy will bounce back, and then it is better to be safe than sorry.
I prefer the simple, yet complicated life without more money worries than to get from one month to the next. I probably have a high credit standing in my bank, if I were to ask for a loan. But I´m not, I prefer not to be dependent on more people than absolutely necessary.
Saying no thanks to fast loans may make it a larger challenge to live on a strict budget. But I would rather be free as the soaring eagle than would I owe money to anybody. Been there, done with that. No longer past shadows to diminish my world.
I have made peace with my past. Letting go is a fantastic way to get better fast. It heals to let go of old over-used patterns and bad decisions from the past. To live in the present moment is all what life is about when it comes to the meaning of life.
My own shadow is my consciousness, and that and self-respect rules my world. If I can manage to look myself in the eyes, then I know that everything will be okay if I work hard enough for it. Denial and fear won´t solve the problems and won´t change anything.
What changes you is the inner process of realizing that you cannot control anything but your own reaction to those moments when things happen. I had to learn it the hard way to truly understand that fighting against change only makes things worse.
By facing my own fears and flaws, I have learned many new sides of myself. It´s okay to be thoughtful and sentimental at times. It ´s only natural to be upset when things are not working out as planned. And it´s perfectly alright to allow oneself to feel instead of running in the opposite direction.
There more I do shadow work the more I learn and the more I relax.
November has been a long, wet, and anxious month. I long for the Sun to return with its healing rays of warmth that in the Spring goes straight to the body, mind, and soul. The shadows have come earlier and earlier in the afternoon, and the twilight hour has become so midnight black.
The clock is still ticking, tick-tock. Our answers are now only three days and four nights away. Yet it feels like years and then only a few hasty moments. This week has been one of the quick ones, first, we saw it begin, now, it´s almost over again.
But we are getting through it together. And everything will be fine sooner or later. We´re just getting older and need more care than we used to. When you have to learn at a young age that there is only you to take care of you, you learn it the hard way. Either to get up and fight or stay down and cry.
But once learned, it will always stick with you, the lessons from the school of life. The ones that mattered the most. The ones that you will never forget. The ones that learned you how to survive in today´s world.
Next Friday the blog post will be about how we live as pagans in a modern world. A choice of lifestyle that was easy compared to what the alternative was. To be like so many others. No thank you, dear Universe, let us live the simple life instead where we make our own decisions.
What to expect in December 2019
Last, but not least, here is the blog menu for December 2019:
- Monday, December 2, 2019: Planning a novel
- Friday, December 6, 2019: Living a pagan lifestyle
- Monday, December 9, 2019: Writing a novel
- Friday, December 13, 2019: Early celebration of Yule
- Monday, December 16, 2019: Living a writer´s lifestyle
- Friday, December 20, 2019: My Tarot guidelines for 2020
- Monday, December 23, 2019: Family time
- Friday, December 27, 2019: My witchcraft learning plan for 2020
- Monday, December 30, 2019: Testing techniques and what to expect in January 2019
This is it for today. I´m tired from today´s shopping trip to the happy plastic fantastic modern world. I wish you a blessed weekend, dear readers, with peace and calm. As I say it, so it is.