This week, anxiety struck.

And it hit me hard, direct, and unavoidable. After a fair week with only a few minor attacks, my world crumbled and sent me spiraling into countless attacks yesterday.

It hit me so hard that I decided to wait to write this blog post. As with witchcraft, creative projects, and chores of the mundane world, I actively choose to postpone matters if I have a horrible day.

Then, I turn to take the best possible care of myself. Yesterday, that meant pulling the entire day out of the calendar, sleeping, and reducing the intake of the news stream as much as possible.

The reason behind my anxiety attacks, I ascribe to my experiences with the human factor the recent two Fridays. First, way too many people gathered in a way too small space, all waiting to be tested for Covid-19 on both days.

Second, what was a success the first Friday became a living nightmare yesterday. They closed down the test center after we had been waiting in a continuingly growing line for more than one icy cold hour outside due to technical problems with too small a staff.

This week, anxiety struck.

I was close to crying my eyes out yesterday as I tried to follow the wild roller coaster ride of an intense series of anxiety attacks. I hadn´t felt so bad about my anxiety disorders for a very long time, so I was both terrified and annoyed at the same time.

Terrified because I couldn´t control my reactions to the attacks, and my worst fear when under attack was that I might not be able to redirect my focus in time to avoid extra professional help

I am annoyed because I hate feeling so utterly helpless, confused, and shaken in body, mind, and soul.

I immediately wrote to my counselor so that we could discuss this on Tuesday.

It took me several hours to calm so much down that I could relax and rest a couple of hours before sleep.

Today, I take things easy and accept that I need extra sleep, less stuff on my plate, and especially time to heal at my own pace.

I managed to go shopping with my husband and walk our little wise, old dog. But I can´t go on visits or talk on the cell phone, not even with friends.

And my plans for a witchcraft ritual about healing and love had to be postponed for next week. I simply did not have the needed energy to work with any kind of magick during this week.

This week, anxiety struck.

But I won´t let it haunt me, I won´t allow it to overtake my feeling of being in strict control, and I won´t surrender to these horrible physical sensations of extreme fear.

Today, I can still feel the stagnant energy of an awful day. Therefore, I´m careful not to get involved in something that I later can´t manage to do.

I hate anxiety when it comes out of the blue hours after a stressful incident. It begins with me shaking all over the body, the heart working hard to calm down, and this feeling of overwhelming inner stress.

Riding the roller coaster of anxiety is a tough job, indeed. The worst part is that it leaves me desperate, looking for relief in the form of inner calm and necessary sleep. I constantly get drained after even a minor attack, but yesterday felt like a landslide inside.

My plans for today include painting a tea light candle holder for the upcoming advent Sundays before Christmas and working with my new archetype cards.

And I know now the hard way that I need to adjust my strategies when being in the outside world, where the human factor is more unpredictable than ever before in my lifetime.

People, in general terms, behave like spoiled kids, thinking of themselves only, as if the world rotates just for their sake.

And now that we live in a pandemic, people seem to behave worse and worse. Common courtesy is in short supply indeed.

I will discuss all this with my counselor on Tuesday, but I will stay at home as much as possible until then. I don´t have any need at all of being out there, with the human factor on the loose to the point of making people crazier than usual.

Turning to more positive matters, I look forward to creating something beautiful with my husband tomorrow. We want to make a couple of Christmas decorations with candles so that positive energy may find its roots again in our home.

And he will deliver fresh morning bread to our friends close by.

Tomorrow afternoon, I will work with my witchcraft ritual as a direct diversion of my racing thoughts. I know that the only solution is to keep up the good spirit, keep fighting myself back in the saddle, and keep diverting my focus to something soothing for my scarred soul.

Yet, I have this indescribable urge to shout out to the world that we really need to pull ourselves together; the human race has to stop being so destructive and self-absorbed.

And yes, we do live in scary times with severe matters on the table.

To avoid being too depressed over people´s behavior in general, I choose writing, witchcraft, and creative projects over the news stream and the horror of Covid 19 and all the bullshit in its wake, pardon my French.

This week, anxiety struck. And therefore, my thoughts go out to those of you out there who fight the same kind of battle right now. You are strong, beautiful, and so much more than a victim of anxiety.

Please be kind to yourself and others, show consideration for others when waiting in a line.

May your weekend be blessed with anything but stress and anxiety, dear readers and followers, may the pandemic come into control, and may my mental health recover quickly. Thank you in advance, dear Universe. So mote it be.

Dinner with good people

Today, I spent more than an hour and a half getting my weekly PCR test. Seven times in a row, I have tested negative for Covid-19. A record best kept these days in Denmark as the numbers climb and climb day by day.

The week has been busy decorating our home with the best Christmas stuff. Oh yes, I may be a witch, but I´m still celebrating Christian Christmas. My eighty-three-year-old father comes this year, so, of course, yet another Christmas with all the good stuff that comes along with that tradition.

Except for dinner, it will be different this year, as we already September celebrated Christmas. We did not know then if my father would come in December.

Today, I´m tired after so much waiting and watching so many people care so less about the actual Covid 19 situation in Denmark.

I almost suffered three full-blown anxiety attacks out there. In my home town, my safe haven, my refuge.

So, the witch in me wants to create a love and healing ritual for next week in this weekend. But the human being in me wants to celebrate good people tomorrow. So, therefore, the ceremony will have to wait for Sunday.

Dinner with good people, that warms my heart and makes every sign of anxiety go away.

We take good care of each other on my turf. We help, listen, and are available whenever needed. Oh, and yes, some other people, well, we had to let go, our paths proved too apart for a healthy relationship.

This Spring, I learned the tough lesson of letting go even if it hurts like hell and back again. I know now how to say no when enough is enough, how to set up and maintain healthy boundaries, and how to stay sane in all the bullshit in the wake of Covid 19, pardon my French.

At the same time, some of the rare good people came into our life.

Ever since everything has changed for the better. And now, at last, I´m in my best of moods, and my aspiration is that it last well beyond Christmas.

Today, I may be mentally overloaded with people standing close to me. But, I´m happy and relieved to be home, sweet home again, writing this blog post to you, dear readers and followers.

Consciously diverting my body, mind, and soul from the harsh reality of the world of today, I´m preparing myself for planning my next witchcraft ritual. For Monday, as I would so very much like to attract the remaining energy from today´s Full Moon.

I need some healing, some love. Something directly opposite to all the worries due to the worst crisis since WW2.

And, this time, I will only use my own creative writing, my own spells, and my own altar setup. No need for corresponding notes and countless binders.

I´ve begun my sixth year as a witch, and it is about time to stand on my own two feet and create my own material for the unique rituals.

I need something deeply personal, from intentions to altar setup.

This week, I also got my new Archetype cards. Seventy-four and six for me to create myself. My latest attempt to catch the attention of my writing muse who has deserted me for quite some time now. But I can use my new cards to create the mold from which I´ll draw my characters for my trilogy.

If only the day had more hours, then I would be able to attain so much more. But, on the other hand, things take time, and I prefer to wait until I personally like what I read.

It has to have that indefinable feeling of consistency mixed with lots of action and snappy dialogue. It has to be like being in a movie yourself. And it has to be like listening to great music.

I need something different from the expexted, from the first pitch to the end.

Dinner with good people tomorrow. People who care, who are present, and who embody diversity.

Everything I need right at hand, a comfortable yet complicated life, and beautiful loved ones close by. I need nothing more, nothing less. I´m happy, got inner peace, own fair health, and know the meaning of kindness by heart.

This week, I took a voluntary break from social media. Oh, so much time to do stuff I love to do. And time to think about and count my blessings.

Yes, I´m content with my life. It has taken its toll on me and my surroundings, but it has been and is a beautiful journey to experience. Meeting good people seems to be my lucky strike in life.

Yet they are so rare, so exceptional, and so challenging to learn to love deeply.

Finally, this week, I came to the best possible version of myself. My mood is now in the fast lane; however, well protected by medicine, therapy, and my own hard work.

I found my happy mood again, and now bipolar is more or less about being aware of my body´s signals. It tells me to rest when tired, and I have learned a harsh but helpful lesson about listening to exactly that when in my current mood.

The anxiety almost got me today, but thanks to my loved ones, it stayed inside me. Now, I´m mentally tired, so I´ll divert myself from the outside world by working with my archetypes. I begin with my main character, the female villain.

And, if I still have some energy left, I will use it on my Monday ritual. Those were the words of today; now, I need an extended break.

May your weekend be filled with sunshine, happy moments, and lots of laughter, dear readers and followers. May the world´s people find peace within themselves. And may my current mood last throughout this year and way beyond.

As we will it, so mote it be.

Merry meet, merry part, and merry meet again. Blessed Be.

Creative living in a pandemic

Living in a pandemic is difficult at times, hard to cope with alongside bipolar disorder and four anxiety diagnoses, and takes its toll on everybody.

Creative living in a pandemic is necessary to keep up with the soaring prices, positively challenging, and calming for my husband and me.

This week, I’m split between worrying about the state of the world and enjoying life to its fullest. But yesterday’s creativity ritual in my witch’s den cleared my thoughts and led to a rise in my energy level.

Therefore, I’m able to worry a little less today and write to you about much more positive things than the Coronavirus and all the bullshit in its wake, pardon my French.

To me, creativity most of all mean working with what you already have. To combine across genres, conventions, and borders, that’s what I try so hard to put into anything I do, whatever that has to do with mundane chores or creative projects.

Recycling has become extremely important to us, now that the new garbage sorting system is being implemented in our county. To me, buying new stuff is only necessary now and then, whereas reusing old stuff can be both fun and money-saving big time.

And the prices are running high in these months. The inflation rate has not been so high in nine years; demand and supply are out of the usual order, and everything seems to be more expensive from one day to the next.

Therefore, we are happy that we have small savings and can live comfortably even on a strict budget. We put on extra clothing to save some extra money so that the heating bill doesn’t skyrocket this winter. We also try to be economical with our use of electricity and water.

To do that, we think in creative terms, no matter whether it is about practical stuff or the more fun creative pursuits.

Creative living in a pandemic is my way of living, as it is both practical, healing, and great joy in my everyday. Valuable because one gets to use what is ready at hand rather than buying new stuff all the time. Suitable for my mental disorders since it diverts my racing thoughts from all the craziness happening these years. And filled with joy and happiness due to the positive feelings I get from producing something with my own hands.

Two days ago, I created a motivation and concentration spell jar, a spell bottle for creativity, and a charm for my writing adventures. They were all consecrated and put to use at yesterday’s creative witchcraft ritual.

Everything from the correct correspondences to the little details in the altar setup was done with the sole intent of attracting new inspiration, stamina, and courage. So that I will be able to break my writer’s block that has haunted me for some time now.

I also continued my work with in-depth meditation the night before a ritual, the relevant Sacral Chakra that also concerns creativity, and the elements and Spirit/Akasha.

Creative living in a pandemic is necessary for me to avoid being too emotionally involved in what goes around in today’s world. It is a perfect way to divert myself whenever the news is too stressful for my mental disorders.

My anxiety is under strict control, but, believe me, I feel it hissing at me sooner rather than later from the corner of the room. The bipolar disorder is, thank you, dear Universe, turning for the best possible mood for me.

I feel that my energy level has risen since yesterday’s witchcraft ritual. And I feel happy that I’m bettering my skills and mood with creative projects. So, tonight, I will go to my creative den and find the materials for my next creative endeavor, which I will know when I’m standing there.

Tomorrow, it is time to go upstairs and take all the Christmas stuff downstairs to my creative den, where I will sort it and begin decorating our home. I have already made two Christmas branches to stand in for a Christmas tree, as our cats won’t leave a tree alone, and I don’t find it necessary to cut a healthy tree just for my celebration of a few days in December.

Sunday, it has to be novel-time again, and I will try to short-circuit myself and actually get some writing done.

I begin by watching a nature film about the actual place behind the settings in my novel, hoping that it will bring back my creative muse to my shoulder so that we can write happily together again. Then, I will sit down, turn on the laptop, and write a couple of words, later sentences, paragraphs, and pages.

Creative living in a pandemic is mentally challenging positively, as I get to use and improve my skills and keep a healthy distance to the news stream. It is also calming for both my husband and me to use creativity in every possible form in everything we do.

Speaking of creativity, with only a hundred words away from the goal of writing 1,000 words every Friday, it is about time to let go and hit the publish button.

It is soothing to be here and write for you in a week with press conferences, restrictions, and a lockdown coming closer by the hour. But everything comes to an end, and I need a more extended break now, which I will spend together with my husband, the little wise, old dog, and the three philosophical cats.

Please stay safe out there; it is necessary to be extremely careful these years, especially now, right before the return of Jack Frost.

May your weekend be merry, cheerful, and free of troubles of any kind, dear readers and followers. May there be peace and quiet in the world for once. And may my current mood stabilize as soon as possible, and please, stay here for the next long period of my life.

As we will it, so mote it be.

November reflections

Rising numbers of Covid 19 cases in Denmark, and I´m as worried about it as everybody else everywhere on Mother Earth are right now.

My worries are mainly about the human factor. But, of course, I´m in no way interested in being sick with the Coronavirus.

Therefore, my husband and I take the necessary and unavoidable precautions as of right here, right now.

We have chosen a lifestyle with only a small social circle of close friends. We did that long before Covid 19 changed the world and everything in it.

We live in a house where we can isolate each other, should we get the virus. And masks and rubbing alcohol are always close by when we need to shop for groceries and other necessities.

No matter what happens, we are prepared for it. Even my anxiety stays calm; now we all know that yet another round of Corona and all the bullshit in its wake, pardon my French, is underway.

We are now at home after the weekly test. However, we have decided with our friends that we want to do that every Friday because we need to take the best possible care, especially when the numbers climb higher.

But, to remain sane and keep up the good spirit, I believe that the best cure for troubles is to divert one´s thoughts as much as possible.

So today, I will write about my November reflections, a sort of mental cleansing I do every year after Samhain.

My November reflections are about my gradual transition from the low mood to my preferred mood. The highest possible level of creativity lies here. And I´m slowly but surely coming closer every day.

I have kickstarted the process by forcing myself to do my chores creatively. Then, after finishing them, there is a reward, which is usually a creative project that can be worked on and off.

As of now, I´m only a few weeks from reaching my goal. I can feel it throughout my body, mind, and soul.

Today, I will paint some rocks and shells in rainbow colors, gather materials for my Christmas wooden branch, and work a bit on my next witchcraft ritual next week.

I need to divert myself from my racing thoughts, my sad feelings about the state of the world, and my annoying inner restlessness.

Because I have to be extremely careful not to trigger my bipolar disorder and my anxiety disorders simultaneously.

The creative process that demands high levels of concentration is my best therapy. Medication and counseling can work miracles, but they can´t stand alone.

You have to be willing to undertake an entirely new kind of journey the more you get to know bipolar disorder and anxiety.

It is both my duty toward my loved ones and my duty toward myself. Without my own hard work every day for the rest of my life, well, I have been there; the last time was four years ago.

Right now is also a creative process in need of deep concentration. It is an honor to write for you, dear readers and followers, and I can feel in my fingers that my writer´s block concerning my novels is about to be broken.

A witchcraft ritual that salutes creativity can be the releasing factor if I only take the extra time to prepare and create a beautiful, relevant, and well-intended event as I did with Samhain recently.

But sitting here at my window to the world and writing my heart out is soothing, relaxing, and making me recover.

And my November reflections are focused on shadow work at a stage in my mental health, where it feels right to look myself in the mirror twice every morning.

Usually, I do it only once a day. Still, to release something that no longer serves me, I must work with my shadows.

My mental health is robust yet in need of care throughout life. And a positive outlook on life as it comes along is an advantage, too.

It is possible to live a good life with a bipolar disorder combined with anxiety and physical ailments. It has to do with my attitude toward challenges and my dear loved ones.

Both must learn to listen before speaking, ask the why´s rather than yell in frustration, and, with time, know the difference between a disorder and a human being.

Soon, I´ll be back to the best possible version of me. Here, creativity helps me big time. The more complex, the more demanding, and the more intriguing, the merrier.

But sometimes, like yesterday, nothing seems to work. Then comes restlessness and a high level of inner stress.

Today, it helps so much to sit here and write for you. I get the opportunity to work with myself as I write. So, please, dear Universe, allow my creative writing muse to land once again on my shoulder.

In the meantime, I have plenty of creative projects listed already. It is time to get to work and create something both functional and beautiful.

Eew, it is getting dark way too soon now to my taste. Icy cold mornings, no thank you, my arthritis will inform me thoroughly soon enough.

I have borrowed a light therapy lamp from my counselor. I try to use it as often as possible, and today, it will be in my creative den where all the good stuff for creative pursuits resides.

This weekend, I intend to relax with our amount of photos from our life together. I believe there are some 32 GB on my current laptop. My plan is to transfer them to an external hard drive during the coming Winter. Both fun and hard work at the same time.

May your weekend be blessed with love, gratitude, and beauty, dear readers and followers. May the numbers come down again, please, precious fellow human beings. And may witchcraft and creativity heal my scars from a tough life so far.

As I will it, so mote it be.

Picture of John Hain from Pixabay