Month: December 2021

Today, on the last evening of the year 2021, my husband and I wish you a Happy and Peaceful New Year, dear readers and followers.

When I wrote the New Year´s speech for my husband Wednesday, I felt that unexpected yet so familiar glimpse of my creative writing Muse for the first time in months.

It is such an addictive feeling; I confess willingly to be forever hooked by the art of writing something that other people like to read.

And I´m more than ready to embark on the difficult task of creating trustworthy fictive characters who come alive in the reader´s mind and soul.

I want to begin with someone who knows all the little dirty secrets of everybody else around him, including his own, that is.

Secrets you and I would do almost anything to keep in the dark. But, the fun part is only begun. In comes my main character, my female villain.

And, after her, one by one, a short but hectic presentation of the other characters and their worst nightmare in the form of secrets best untold.

That´s my writing menu for January 2022. My idea is to create character profiles to draw inspiration and snippets of description, dialogue, and the showing parts of a novel.

I have deliberately chosen the genre psychological thriller. I need to study the human factor in detail when everything that can go wrong also goes wrong.

And to do that, well, it demands strong character development, as the theme is the psychological de route of people making the worst possible choices for themselves.

To become dependent on the silence of another human being, especially a mentally corrupt one is a dangerous choice to make.

But if you expect peace of mind for any of my characters, you better think twice. I´ll make their life a living hell, forcing them beyond their physical, psychological, and mental limits over and over until everything comes full circle at the worst possible time for them.

As easy it can feel to sit and invent fictional characters in my mind, as hard and difficult it is to actually write the thoughts down.

But it´s nonetheless my mission for 2022. To write the first draft to my trilogy about the human factor when prowling on the loose.

This blog continues as my personal window to the world. When I feel that the time is right for it, some thoughts about my long-term blog goals will come. But until then, this place is my vent to the world.

My witchcraft adventure got a new life of its own this year. Now, I take my time to create memory-lasting rituals, and my goal is to do that twice a month in 2022. One ritual in honor of the Moon cycle, another depending on what we need in any given moment.

And I became much more productive concerning creative projects in 2021. I hope that this trend continues in the new year.

Together, these things are my direct diversions from a still more crazy world outside my complicated yet straightforward life here at my spot of Paradise on Mother Earth.

They are my most potent natural medicine against panic attacks stemming from a long life in many spheres with many different kinds of people.

I was born with bipolar disorder, I try my best to live well with it, and it will follow me whether I find that inspiring or not.

I try to work with the latter because I feel from the bottom of my heart, mind, and soul that life is a great gift and that the best possible each of us can do is to do our best in whatever we excel.

My grandfather told me a long time ago that talent demands commitment. If you are good at something, then just do it, as long as you are brutally honest to yourself and others about the reason to follow one´s dreams.

Because I can´t let it go, the thought of writing a trilogy myself, with only a grammar program as assistance, a patient husband, and enough time, resources, and creative drive to follow through with something worth reading.

Like I need something creative in my hands every day. Especially in these crazy years, where everything is at stake, where people are more apart than ever before, and where nothing is granted beforehand.

Today, I deliberately choose not to include a picture in this blog post. All things considered, I decided for 2022 not to follow any guidelines regarding the looks and content of this blog. This is my place, and I want it to be a free space where like-minded people can occasionally meet for a good read or comment on what they read.

And now it is about time to hit publish, read my speech to my husband aloud, and welcome the new year. Hopefully, it will bring joy, personal freedom, and good health to us all, no matter where we are in the world.

As we count down the last minutes of this troublesome, yet energizing 2021, so I count my words. Forty words left is not a big foundation for creative writing, but, nevertheless, it forces me to forget all about my annoying writer´s block, which, for a little while at least, apparently has decided to fly away so that my writing muse again can sit and inspire on my shoulder.

Thank you, dear readers and followers, for still believing enough in me to stay here with me. For that, I´m more than grateful. By the way, reading you is a pleasure too.

May your weekend and New Year be happy, free of troubles, and safe, dear readers and followers. May the world pull itself together and look forward rather than backward. And may I and my loved ones stay as safe in 2022 as we did in 2020 and 2021.

As we will it, so mote it be.

Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again.

Happy New Year.

This one is for you …

Allow me to bow and thank you for being here at this place with me.

It is a great honor to write to you. I enjoy writing here every Friday.

Form being solely a pagan place, this blog has transformed itself to my firm ground, from which I can grow, both as a human being and a writing witch.

This week has been, at the same time, a rollercoaster on the loose and a refuge for contemplation, recovery, and future hopes.

First, my eighty-three-year-old father announced that the family to our old neighbor, who should have driven him here, had got the Coronavirus. Second, a new wonderful friend offered us that she would take me up to my father, drive us back here, and do it once more after Christmas.

My father answered no to coming here for Christmas, and at first, it hurt my feelings. However, he and I have never been closer than he suddenly can change and behave like a spoiled rotten child.

He is bipolar like me, but he does not want to receive treatment, and from that, I learn not to do the same myself.

But at least we can manage to actually like being together from time to time. I speak with my father three times a week and every day these days.

Third, we got our third shot of Pfizer on Wednesday. The best possible Christmas present to wish for, as the numbers now are worse than ever before.

But after exhausting weeks with massive anxiety attacks and recovery, I have practiced. I have become much better at shielding myself from the constant news stream. Instead, I check what everybody has to check-up sooner or later twice a day.

Today, we began a new Christmas tradition. We went to three places nearby for Christmas fun and Danish hygge (coziness) with our sweet friends. I had created handwritten and handpainted Christmas cards, and they mean a world of true difference to us.

Now, my husband, the little, wise, old dog, and our three philosophical cats rest for a couple of hours before my favorite time at Christmas. Then, precisely at four p.m., we turn on the TV and watch the dear old Disney Christmas cartoons movies.

The table in the living room will be full of all the good stuff, the candles are lit everywhere, and there is a really cozy atmosphere, now that it will only be ourselves and our sweet animals for Christmas.

We have even arranged an untraditional Christmas dinner, just because we can and want to.

I will create beautiful photos and videos and send them by email to my father. Our old neighbor has invited him, so he is taken excellent care of.

And, as if living in a fairy tale, we have snow for Christmas. It came Wednesday, continued on Thursday. This morning, on the morning TV show, as a singer began singing “Let It Snow,” snow came down from the skies in Tivoli in Copenhagen.

Today´s blog picture is from our yard, beautiful with the rays of the Sun fighting its way through the realm of Jack Frost.

This week, I´m preparing for the upcoming challenge in the last week of this oh-so strange yet positive year; I will begin working with my novels again. I will work my main characters through my new deck of Archetype cards.

Suppose I can get a firm hold of them by doing that. In that case, it will be less scary to actually begin the novels without editing until I can present a complete first draft to the world.

Today and tomorrow, however, well, there is only  Danish hygge on the program. So tomorrow morning, I will celebrate American Christmas with scrambled eggs, bacon, sausages, and pancakes. On my mother´s side, my grandmother was born in the United States in 1909. My great-grandparents went to America in search of a better life in 1906.

So, I´m proud to be a born Dane, but I´m also pleased to be a quarter American by heritage.

Next week, I will publish as usual even though it is New Year´s Eve, just a few minutes before midnight.

It will be my speech for the evening. Our Queen speaks at exactly six p.m, and she has been our Queen for fifty years in 2022. Every year, I write my own speech as my personal way of releasing the past year and look forward to the new with a positive outlook on life.

Today, Christmas is here. So please, dear Universe, teach us humans how to come together rather than apart, so we can beat this terrible virus once and for all. Show us the path to happiness, inner peace, good health, and kindness. And open our minds to humility, gratefulness, and decency.

This week, anxiety stayed in its corner. The bipolar is all curled up like a grizzly bear hibernating. I got my weekly call with my counselor, and we agreed to keep up the hard but good work next year. And I have extra medication ready if something should change. It can become necessary to use prescription medicine to calm down. And, knowing my recent history with it, well, I don´t gamble with my mental health.

Now, it is time for my rest. I begin by finding materials for a small creative project as a stand-by help if a diversion is needed. Then, I will write my Christmas greetings on my Facebook profile. After that, it is Disney time. And, finally, our dinner for two, an evening full of quiet peace, and

May your Christmas be merry, peaceful, and one to remember for life, dear readers and followers. May the world find peace ith itself tonight. And may my loved ones, including you, get the best Christmas ever.

Today and tonight, my thoughts go to everybody, please do stay safe.

As we all will it, so mote it be.

Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again.

Everything is business as usual here at my spot of paradise on Mother Earth. And, yet, everything feels changed for a brief moment.

This week brought news that my uncle and the wife to my cousin have passed the Rainbow Bridge to greet our common ancestors, in my belief that is.

It is not that we were close; in recent years, not at all. Perhaps we grew apart years ago, but to acknowledge that, well, today, it´s a tough one.

Today also brought a press conference, more restrictions, and more people infected.

So, please excuse me. Today, it is more than okay to feel somewhat mixed.

A week before Christmas 2021, we don´t know yet if my father will come. However, his driver, our old and sweet neighbor, has Corona in her close family just now.

But like last year, we are prepared that we might again celebrate Christmas only with our dear animals and ourselves. And, my father will be fine.

Of course, this is annoying, and it would be so easy to fall into the trap of depression. But, instead, I´m grateful that my husband and I are more than ready to deal with trouble coming from the outside world.

I´m also very, very grateful that we have chosen to live a life differentiated from life in general in a so-called modern age in a way that has kept us safe until now.

Now, it is about time to adjust our shopping habits and stay even more at home than we already do. That means fewer visits, shorter visits, and much more home time.

Being early retired makes it perhaps easier to accept that these are the absolute terms in our life right here and right now. But the chores still have to be done before making the fun stuff.

The little, wise, old dog enjoyed his walk around noon today; it was reasonable and soothing to get outside, just a short period. I was also with my husband shopping yesterday because I might have to someday. Therefore, I practice from time to time

My current level of anxiety is calm but naturally alert. It took me more than three weeks to recover from the latest series of attacks.

Due to the current high-risk situation with Omikron, I asked my counselor for phone calls rather than visits for some time, at least until the numbers turn their soaring flight.

So, yes, I´m more than okay, Self, take it easy, re-focus, and divert, divert, divert.

Although it now is unlikely to celebrate Christmas with my father, I will finish the creation of his birthday present, a painting full of sparkling rainbow-colored glitter, stars, and other beautiful decorative elements.

I will do it tomorrow, Saturday, where I will also work in-depth with my upcoming Yule/Winter Solstice ritual.

Tonight, however, I find it appropriate to work with my own personal collection of archetypes. It is often said that we have twelve of them, so I have bought a deck of archetype cards and chosen my individual twelve from them.

Now, I have some questions to answer. Why did I choose the way I did and what truths can I be lucky enough to find and learn from.

It is so close to my interpretation of shadow work, and if not now, then when?

A week before Christmas 2021, well, my mood is fine, yet I´m holding myself back today. I need to pull today out of the calendar because I felt tired after even a few moments out of bed this morning.

An early morning nap didn´t help that much; however, it freed me from at least some of this profoundly annoying restlessness that keeps creeping up on me.

I have a firm belief that a good conversation with my beloved husband will sort out the rest of my mixed emotions for today and this week as a whole until now.

He rests now, along with all our philosophical cats and our little, wise, old dog.

Later, I will have to call my father without letting him know that we might not meet this Christmas. I want to spare him the worries until next Wednesday when we get the final answer from our neighbor.

And, should he not come, I will make a video of what we are doing every day and call him as many times as he wants.

It lowers my mood, it feels a bit uphill right now, and it is one of those things that seems to always happen when you least expect it at the most impractical moment.

But I want to stay strong and sane, so I keep up the good spirits, I turn to creative diversions, and I write about it. It helps me to re-focus and keep on the hard work living with bipolar disorder and anxiety in these times of deep and alarming trouble everywhere, all the damn time, pardon my French.

Round three with Corona, well, it ain´t my kind of dance, but come on, we are as ready here as it is possible to be in modern times.

As long as it doesn´t interfere too directly with our life here.

Right now, life feels like living on an isolated island. Here, everything is calm and safe. But, outside, the human factor in all its extremes these years.

A week before Christmas 2021, I ask the Universe for reborn light, inspiration, and a balance of emotions. Please grant me guidance, protection, and mental stamina. As I will it, then let it be, and so it is.

Please stay safe out there, dear readers and followers. And may your weekend be soothing, calming, and mentally energizing. May the people of this world stop fighting between themselves. And may my current level of anxiety be the new normal to work with rather than brutal attacks to recover from.

As we all will it together, so mote it be. Blessed be and be careful, world.

Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again.

From Denmark with love, I write to you, dear readers and followers, from my point of view behind the keyboard. On an icy cold Friday evening, only two weeks before Christmas Eve, the situation in Denmark, well, to stay at home as much as possible, seems to be the most sensible thing to do right now.

The numbers climbing awe-strikingly high, the gap between those vaccinated and the remaining twenty-five percent, and a return to the severe press conferences with our prime minister and leading experts.

Hour-long queues for those in need of testing to get the Corona passport. And yet, yesterday evening, way too many people went to the bars and the discotheques to celebrate the last night out acting like spoiled brats during a world crisis, the worst ever since WW2.

Well, that behavior will be visible in a week or two when they discover that downright stupid behavior equals a higher risk of getting infected with the Coronavirus.

And, by the way, it ain´t happening around me; thank you so much, dear Universe. So, therefore, I notice it, but I just shake my head and move on with more positive endeavors.

From Denmark with love, I am happy to inform you that I feel much better than I have done in recent weeks.

But I still struggle hard with my anxiety disorders. My whole system was rattled to pieces after two unpleasant experiences at the local test center with way too many people gathered in too little space.

Even today, I felt miserable just before my afternoon nap. Everything and nothing seemed to fight for dominance over my physical body, mind, and soul. But my husband and I managed to talk it down to me yawning and shortly after happily sleeping.

A couple of hours later, my back pain woke me up to my husband´s fresh coffee and a tasty meal.

Behind all the pain and struggling, you´ll find me happy and content with my life right here, right now.

We are in the middle of a transformation process. We try to save on practically everything because the prices are soaring. So everything in the world right now speaks its own language about a different time arriving in these strangest years of my lifetime.

We can read the writing on the wall, as everybody can if they only dare to look at themselves in the mirror in the mornings.

Our lives seem like living on an isolated island, where we are as safe as possible nowadays. Yet, around us,  so many seem to be drowning in their own self-inflicted burden of all kinds of troubles.

I work so hard at becoming better at reducing my intake of influences around me. Unfortunately, I have no filter whatsoever, so I´m susceptible to sounds, movements, and other traces of the human factor.

Therefore, I have asked my counselor for help as soon as I felt that this series of anxiety attacks were of a magnitude where support is necessary to avoid direct contact with the psychiatric system again.

She has sent me a breathing technique to use whenever I feel overwhelmed from anxiety, striking me over and over, as were it an Olympian sports discipline. Unfortunately, it will take me some time to use it well, so until it feels comfortable, I resort to meditation and studying new material for my novels and my witchcraft practice.

Soon, it will be time to plan my upcoming Yule/Winter Solstice ritual. Naturally, we will need lots of light, love, and appropriate intentions. But that is for the weekends to come.

Tonight, I`m writing to you from Denmark with love. I believe we could all need some extra love between us, rather than contemplation of totally unnecessary warfare and creating differences between them and us.

Right now, dear readers and followers, it is right here that the world truly needs us humans to cooperate and show compassion and gratitude.

My contribution to this era is writing about it and what happens in the life that is mine. I write what I see, what I hear. I write the truth about what I feel.

To transfer my many thoughts about my story for my novels onto the dreaded white paper, well, that´s a whole new ball game to me.

It is difficult. It is hard. And it is a way of life.

My writer´s block came undercover, disguised as a depression period in my bipolar life. I have decided that my novel project will continue; it will take more time to fulfill my life´s dream of writing my own trilogy.

Better write something worth reading, rather than publishing bullshit, pardon my French. Yes, I´m a bit sassy with the pen tonight.

I need to be because my main character is a sassy devil in disguise. To write her, I need to try to think a little bit like her, only enough to actually write it down. Her personality, however, is not for the weak-minded and definitely not something I would like to meet in real life.

And I simply know, deep down, that one day, that manuscript will be presented to the worst critic of them all, myself included, my husband.

He knows how a knockout dialogue sounds; he fine-tunes my instrument, my writing voice. He wants to be adequately entertained to sit there listening to me reading my material.

From Denmark with love, from us both, please stay safe out there, please be kind to those who need it, and please be kind to yourself as well, dear readers and followers. So it is.

May your weekend be merry, full of happiness, inner peace, good health, and kindness, dear readers and followers. May this era be worth remembering later on due to human miracles. And may tonight mark the last of anxiety for my behalf for quite some time now, please, and thank you, dear Universe.

As we all will it, so mote it be. Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again.

Three good things from this past week. My anxiety left me for a little less a day ago, only to hiss and snarl from its corner, far away from me.

So, I have been busy all week trying to recover as fast as possible from a massive series of wild anxiety attacks for almost a week in a row.

At the same time, my husband and I kept focusing our energy on decorating our home for the upcoming Christmas season.

My plans about two monthly witchcraft rituals will have to wait for next year, as I´m thoroughly exhausted from spending time waiting in line for a PCR test. Now the authorities want to reserve that kind of test for those with symptoms of Covid 19.

Therefore, we will need to discuss with our closest friends how we get tested, where, and when,

But until then, my plan is to stay at home as much as possible and only meet with the seven people that have become dear friends in 2021.

Oh my, did that anxiety hurl me through a vortex of extremely uncomfortable shaking, feelings of utter despair, and deep fright. But, of course, my stress is extreme in the physical department, too, as it tends to feel very, very physical, indeed.

My counselor and I spent a whole hour discussing methods to talk the anxiety “down” to the point of non-existence. And I have asked to continue that discussion next time as well.

December seems to be a month filled with the full scale of feelings, especially those concerning recovery from nasty anxiety attacks out of the blue without prior warning symptoms.

But we fight back every inch of the way by trying to create a cozy atmosphere here at our little piece of paradise on Mother Earth.

We have lit candles, my husband watches TV, and I sit in my favorite chair with comfortable clothing, fuzzy slippers, and everything necessary right next to me.

Staying at home is not an issue here, as we are early retired and already used to doing precisely that. Our everyday chores, our responsibility toward our dog and cats, and what has to be done come before any personal concerns, even anxiety and bipolar disorder.

The latter is somewhat perplexed, as it is possible to experience mild mania and depression simultaneously with the mixed episodes.

Slowly, but indeed I´m recovering from a long and demanding working week, where all my strategies had to be activated one by one, as nothing seemed to help.

Today, it stopped as abruptly as it did begin one week ago.

The cozy atmosphere right here, right now in our living room, is soothing, comforting, and reassuring that everything will be just fine as long as I listen to my body, mind, and soul.

This weekend, staying at home means little creative projects and the first thoughts about my upcoming Yule/Winter Solstice Ritual on December 21, 2021.

This month, it will be the sole ritual as I´m mentally worn out after last week´s reign of terror from my anxiety disorders.

But it will be beautiful, still.

Recovery from so strong a series of anxiety attacks demand my full attention, dedicated daily work, and iron will.

This meant lots of rest this week. And after two nights in a row with excellent and deep sleep, I´m also capable of feeling myself again. That gives way for new strength, stemming from my inner drive to never give up, no matter what.

I feel so privileged to be living in perfect harmony with anything except for the unknown human factor that awaits me every time I step outside our front door.

I plan to be more prepared next time to avoid being caught up in massive anxiety attacks after necessary shopping trips for groceries, medicine, and other necessities. I have medication that can handle the worst feelings of fear of what other people might or might not do when I go out in the outside world.

And I plan to discuss this whenever necessary with my loved ones and my counselor so that we together can create a sort of safe haven for me to go to after an essential trip out.

The positive aspect of all this is that the atmosphere here is cozier than ever before. Tonight is the first evening this week where anxiety leaves me ultimately in peace with myself and the world around me.

It will be positive, too, when we, in just 20 days from now, will greet my father welcome for the Christmas celebrations.

This year, it will be our second Christmas season, as we celebrated it already in September when we did not know that he could get here for the season according to the calendar.

So, staying at home is not an issue here with us. On the contrary, we love it, treasure it, and feel incredibly grateful for the opportunity to do just that.

It´s my castle, my safety net, my stronghold. And nothing from the outside world gets to have a say here unless we cannot avoid it, like tax, doctor´s appointments, and monthly bills to pay.

Despite a long week fighting back anxiety, I´m still standing on my own two feet, enjoying my life. I have created a Christmas calendar for my husband with 24 notes about why I love him. Watching his happiness and feeling his love, I could not wish for more whatsoever.

Now it is time to sit back and enjoy the remains of the evening with my husband, our little wise, old dog, and our three philosophical cats. Perhaps a good movie, maybe a beautiful conversation.

May your weekend be merry, filled with love, and happy, dear readers and followers. May the world find happiness, inner peace, good health, and kindness, too. And may anxiety leave me alone for quite some time now.

If we only dare to believe it, it might actually happen. So mote it be. Merry meet, merry part, and merry meet again.