Like living on a desert island

It feels like I´m living on a desert island with my loved ones and closest friends. It feels like the times are changing. And it feels like hell that I completely forgot that I did not get a visit from my counselor this week.

It is next week. And I so desperately need to rant about everything and nothing at the same time. So here it goes, without further warning, this is me in a Corona-era…

…I need to rant a bit about the outside world. It has come closer this week, and I don´t like it at all. I absolutely hate and dislike discord between people. It demands so much strength and it makes me mentally tired.

The worst part is that I can do absolutely nothing at all except living my life with the one aim to get as much as possible out of everything. I dread the news and try to follow along anyway.

We haven´t seen or heard anything just yet. After Summer comes Fall and every gate to hell is wide open. So my anxiety sounds. When felt, it is a creepy feeling of a way too tight cloak being tied closely around me.

I´m preparing myself for my father´s visit in a few days from now. I hope and pray that he is okay and that we will have a good visit this time. So many thoughts run through my mind today that it is harder to write.

When I look around in the world of today, I feel like I´m living on a desert island with everybody around drowning. I wish that the news also brought the positive and light stories to our attention.

The world needs us humans to remain calm more than else in history so far. I work hard to focus my attention to this little witchy life of mine by planning a solitary ritual on Monday, on the Waxing Moon.

After that, it is time to plan Lammas and to prepare mentally for a 5-day visit. My father is 82 years old, and we have what I would call a up-and-down relationship.

At times, we disagree about practically everything. But on the memorable occasions, we go along quite well. The only real issue is that I rarely know when it will change again-again.

My father also suffer from bipolar disorder but is not taking medication or receiving counseling. It would not be a good idea to try to make him understand what bipolar disorder is.

He gets through life by using routines that he has followed all his life. And I believe he lives a good and happy life filled with music and people to play it with too.

It feels like I´m living on a desert island. I feel it more than ever before, and living isolated is not a problem to me. But my gratitude is so much more deeply rooted in my heart.

I fight anxiety today. Yesterday was bliss with only one small attempt to create an attack. Today, it snarls and growls at me, but so far I have managed to keep it at bay.

I keep my writing short today. I write as I´m fighting anxiety, and I can feel that the writing session have to be shorter than usual. My mood, however, is perfect on the upper side of high and low.

I have turned to some serious extra sleep the last couple of days. My body tells me to rest more and to relax. So, that´s my plan for tonight and the weekend.

May your weekend and week be blessed, dear readers and followers.


A short story from a moment in history

We´re experiencing a historical era. And writing a short story between everything and nothing ain´t that hard to do, right?

In this case, the story is about my life in general as a writer and a witch. I have many WIP´s (work in progress).

They share my love for writing and witchcraft because I work with a humble attitude. They have to be worth reading.

My week has been calm with only a few minor anxiety attacks. I have been asked to try a special lamp with extra effective light.

Especially designed for people suffering from anxiety and depression. My mania is so much more cooperative with such a soothing light.

I´m uisng it as I´m writing this blog post. Ahead of me lies a perfect weekend, suitable for romance, writing, and witchcraft.

And I have decided that I will work even harder trying to get my anxiety disorder under adequate control.

My counselor and I spoke about the part of anxiety that is uncontrollable, the part that is connected to the autonomic nervous system.

The reptile brain, where you get to choose between, fight, run, or freeze. And by freezing, I mean it, serious trouble from that icy feeling.

Of control completely lost. Even if only for a few seconds, it is nerve wrecking still.

No such serious attack for almost three weeks now. Only, and exactly as sensitive, the minor attempts to create worry in my everyday.

To loose control is not a feel good thing. It is debilitating and I´m not the only one with that burden on my shoulders.

Tonight, my thoughts, my concern, and my warmest wishes for anxiety-free times go out to like-minded people worldwide.

Besides from that, my week has been perfectly free of any other concerns but making the best out of every posssible situation.

The garden is in full bloom, and there is a comfortable atmosphere in my creative den, from where I have the full panorama of our yard.

The weather gods are said to behave this weekend, so one major goal is to sit outside enjoying fresh coffee with my husband and the little wise, old dog.

He sleeps in his dog basket on my left side. To my right is the new therapy lamp. And I have fast running music in my ears.

I´m working to finish my light edition of my Book of Shadows. For daily use, as a daily reminder to live as mindful as possible.

In historical times where unrest, stupid behavior, and general instability seem to look like a sort of new normal that is too much for me.

I´m learning fast to scan the news without stopping up too soon and too often. But, believe me, I see and hear it anyway.

I just take it in the smallest possible dose. I have enough demons to fight as life is already, thank you.

A short story in a historical era is just as hard to write as anything else these months. For a big part, due to my many recovery days.

Tonight, I will make a witchcraft thing for a close friend. And tomorrow, I begin planning my next Sabbath, Lammas on August 1, 2020.

For the remains of the summer, I plan to renew spell bottles, jars, and other witchcraft related items.

So that I´m ready for the Fall where I plan to make a tradition out of all the creative examples of my magick.

By once a year to go through and renew everything with herbs, crystals and essential oils in it.

I need to work my spells for long-term goals. As the world of today seem extremely short-term oriented.

Living in the present moment, however, is the balance between yesterday, now, and tomorrow.

To me, it means living life to its fullest without looking for extremes. Too little and too much is equally indesirable.

It is to make the best out of everything at hand in the moment a need or a want arises.

I prefer needs before wants because we humans so often have chosen the opposite.

With little or none at all concern for the consequences to the Earth that we are all dependent upon whether we agree or not.

We need to take much better care of Mother Earth, and there will be changes in our lifetime.

This historical era should be known for that rather than what the news can show us of negative, hateful, and worrying things.

It is no mystery that we humans are capable of just about everything and nothing at the same time. The destructive part of us always seem to thrive.

I wonder why? Why not choose a different lifestyle, if negativity is the only answer to the many serious issues that the world of today faces?

Nevertheless, I manage to stay fairly sane during all this. With these words, enjoy the weekend, dear readers and followers.

Living in a changing world

It´s demanding more than ever to handle anxiety. I should have produced a short story for today. But life caught up with the better me. I´m still recovering from two major and recent attacks.

It feels like an unpredictable volcano that erupts at random. It used to be a roller coaster on the loose, now I get the image of aftershocks after major earthquakes as well.

Living in a changing world is different this summer. I take my strict precautions when in public, and I avoid places with too many people to distract myself from.

There are plans for a couple of trips outside my home and garden, but I definitely have no haste experiencing that just yet. I thrive at home, and I am grateful that it is possible this way

My anxiety is trying to manipulate me into uncontrollable fear. But I fight every inch back as it hits me daily this week. I may be slower, may accomplish less than desired, and may sound brutally honest.

However hard the anxiety tries to knock me down, I always come back up, and then I´m more durable, more fit for fight, and less vulnerable. Today, I decided to take a longer afternoon nap than I use to do.

To get some extra sleep on a day with many little, but nonetheless extremely annoying attacks, as were the devil himself chasing me around and out of proportion.

Therefore, I write like in a diary-style today. I´m off the news for the remains of the day, for I don´t need more thrill in my life than I get from working with my novels.

And honestly, I don´t need more stories about people acting like crazy just because they think they can act as they please with no regard to other people- It is highly inappropriate behavior, and there are no excuses.

Living in a changing world is not unusual, as change is inevitable and something we always have to adapt to. But today, it feels best to stay at home as much as possible, for the outside world doesn´t appeal to me.

I prefer the simple yet complicated life that I live here with my husband, our dog and cats, and our family and friends next door. Therefore, I will work with my new addition to my Book of Shadows instead.

Then, my mind won´t play tricks with me, the anxiety is kept at bay, and I get to relax in body, soul, and spirit. At the same time, I have a beautiful view to the garden here from my creative den.

I´m working with a miniature Book of Shadows, consisting of only one notebook with the most essential correspondences and practical information about my kind of witchcraft.

It is easier to use daily for the many mini-rituals I intend to create with the coming of Fall. Now I have a thorough overview of what I already have at hand.

Together with my new spellbook, it will become my new best friend when it comes to planning spells and rituals. I plan to create many more solitary rituals because I feel the time is right for that.

Usually, my husband and a few close friends attend my significant rituals like the Sabbaths or the celebration of the Moon´s phases. And they will continue doing that, I just need more of it during all this.

My witchcraft practice and my writing are such a blessing in my life. Here I can be as creative as I feel the need to be, here I find myself in my safe haven, and here I attain an inner calm that is essential to me.

The novel-writing part of me is on hold at the moment. I write down ideas and allow them to mature by leaving them alone for a while. Then I will return to the keyboard or pen and paper.

I can see now that my first goal of producing a whole novel before December 31, 2020, needs re-organizing. I will have perhaps one-quarter of my estimated novel-length at that time.

But goals tend to work best for me when they are flexible and adaptable to whatever happens in my life. These weeks, the anxiety is keeping me from concentrating enough to work with anything but ideas and thoughts.

Living in a changing world is challenging, hard work, and demanding to adapt to. Especially when you don´t know what will happen next. So, days without stories about crazy people are the better days.

I´m also getting tired mentally of the tendency to claim that only some lives matter. All life matters, why is that so difficult to grasp? And it only makes things worse to destroy property, hurt people, and being stubborn.

That´s sadly the outside world of today. People fight more, people do more stupid things, and people care less about each other. Therefore, I collect positive stories to stay sane during a time of chaos.

Inspiration for my books is plenty at this time in the world. I write about the dark sides of the human factor in my novels. The positive sides are getting rare, but they are there if you just care to look for them.

And one positive thing is that I, in a moment, will return to my work with the miniature Book of Shadows that is my preferred work these weeks with anxiety as a most unwelcome guest.

So, I will wish you, dear readers and followers, a pleasant weekend. Perhaps there is a short story next Friday, I will do my best nevertheless. Blessed be.

Picture of Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

My magick spot on Mother Earth

I live in a small town with only eighteen to twenty-two miles to the nearest major cities around the southern part of Denmark. I have lived enough years in a big city to enjoy the freedom of space, peace and calm, and birdsong.

My magick spot on Mother Earth is a big house that seems smaller when looked at from the street. It is surrounded by a garden in two parts, a yard and a lawn with fire pit, cat den, and a greenhouse with a vine climbing inside.

I have space enough to create a magick atmosphere all over the place. We are allowed to do whatever we want, as long as we take good care of this wonderful place.

Over a time span of four years we have created our paradise. My husband loves his garden and his garage room where he often creates beautiful results with whatever material he can get his hands on.

I love it all, but I especially like my three favorite dens, my writing desk room, my creative den, and my witch´s den. It is where I get the chance to be creative in whatever I do.

This is truly home to us. It is also a wonderful privilege to have sweet neighbors who are family too. We share a bond that is extremely rare in the modern world of egoistical behavior.

I can´t help but notice that people are getting less and less cautious. I find it deeply disturbing that so many disregard the precautions we now have been used to for more than three months.

So I prefer to be at home as much as possible. The other day, I was out to shop necessary groceries with my husband and a close friend. It was a short shopping trip, but manageable due to the early time of day.

Perhaps it´s me, but home is bliss compared to the outside world. I have always been active, I´m used to have to be around many people at a time, and I used to love live concerts.

Today, I live with a generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety. Now I better understand the many twists and turns there used to be in my life. So, staying home is bliss to me.

My husband and I have learned the hard way that we are much better at agreeing than disagreeing, We only discuss issues today, no more fighting between us for we have fought wars with words.

That doesn´t mean that we always agree on everything. But we are much more relaxed about our relationship today. We need the quiet, peaceful atmosphere, we need the silent hours, we need the friendship and the love for each other.

We have the perfect setting for a good simple, yet complicated life here at our magick spot. And I´m grateful every morning I wake up here. It is magick itself to live here.

It is like a great adventure to experience this bliss of the everyday. We live in the present moment because we can´t change the past, and we have yet to discover our future.

Today, I worked with my Book of Shadows for a couple of hours, wrote two blog posts, and celebrated my sweet little, ten year old dog. It has been one of the better days with only a few hints of anxiety.

Now, I´ll be able to sleep well again. My recent attacks were strong, so I´m more tired than usual, and it doesn´t help much to be a Crone with heat flashes.

But my mood is high and happy, and I know I´ll beat the anxiety this time and hopefully for a long while this time. I have everything I need close to me, my loved ones care for me, and I´m an experienced fighter in life.

This is possible only due to my loved ones, my family and friends, and my magick spot on Mother Earth.

This is my safe haven, my home.

Happy Birthday, little wise, old dog

Today, my sweet dog Kvik is ten years old. To his tribute here follows a short story from his point of view. He does not speak human, but he speaks dog eloquently with an explicit body language. He is precious to me, my sweet, little, wise companion through thick and thin.

“My name is Kvik (pronounced like the word quick). I´m ten years old today. My Mom asked me to tell my story through her. So I whisper dog into her ear, I´m happy here, Mom. We just finished our first walk of the day, and Dad gave me a toy and a fresh bone.

Now, I´m laying right next to Mom, who caresses me and kisses me on the cheeks and ears. When I look at her with my almond-shaped brown eyes, she melts completely, and we often end up cuddling on the couch.

I became yours, Mom, when I was only eleven weeks old. An adorable puppy, a companion for life, and a loved member of the family, she thought I was. So, I came to her and Dad´s home, and we all went through hell together and found a better way of life.

We live a good life, we animals here. Oh yes, I forgot to tell you about my three philosophical friends, the cats who, during the day, resides in their outside den. In the evening, they come back in, and we all four curl up and get treats and lots of love from our Mom and Dad.

I taught Mom and Dad dog long before they understood that I might not speak human, but I most certainly understand their tone and voice. And I know in my heart and soul that they love me as much as I love them. It is called unconditional love, and it is a bond that lasts longer than life itself.

I´m of mixed breeding, a bit Foxterrier, a bit Danish-Swedish Farm Dog, I have a child´s energy, I´m an experienced rat chaser, I love to go for long walks with Mom and Dad, and I know how to make tricks to get treats.

I´m seventy years old in human terms of age, so I´m a fully mature dog who at times believe that I´m twelve feet high, when somebody rings the doorbell or passes in the street outside my garden. Then I bark, but I´m really saying that this is my house, my garden, what do you want?

My time here on Mother Earth is short, but there is still time to enjoy life, to play, and to be loved deeply. I walk at my own pace now, but yet I sniff in the wind and lift my front paw to show that something is going on.

I can sit on my behind and look so sweet, so hungry, so give me, give me, give me. I can throw a tantrum when a fly is chasing me, but 99,9 percent of the time, I´m happy, content, and grateful. I have a good life indeed, here animals are famiilars and family members like Mom and Dad.

Mom and Dad have no children, but we animals are here for them. I will guard them with my life, for here I have a safe haven always. On Monday, I will go to the vet for a full manicure and pedicure for the first time in this Corona era.

We walk more now. Mom and Dad love our walks, where we sometimes greet the three black, brown, and white cows on the field behind our local grocery store. Or when we go to the nearby forest along the creek.

Tonight, Dad will prepare a steak for me. I love to eat steaks bite for bite. I usually roll on the floor after such a treat, for then I know that we are celebrating and having fun together. Now I will ask my Mom to write this down for me, knowing that although she does not speak dog, she understands me deep in her body, mind, and soul.”

With Kvik´s wise thoughts, I wish you, dear readers and followers, a blessed problem-free weekend.

I will return later today with my thoughts about life in general, as it shows itself here at my magick spot on planet Earth. Until then, I will work with my Book of Shadows, take pictures of the garden, and send out a wish to the Universe.

I wish from the bottom of my heart that this day continues, as it has begun.

With the celebration of the little, wise dog, the writing of a blog post to his honor, and the complete lack of any signs of anxiety.

As I will it, so mote it be.

Happy Anniversary 2

The expression a year and a day have ancient roots. I´m in my fourth year as a witch, as a Crone, as a mature woman. And I have begun my journey as a writer in public both here on this blog and with my current novel projects.

Today, it is one year and a day for my first real blog post. One hundred forty-three blog posts later, it is chilly and rainy, but also sunny, morning with a whole day to see, hear, taste, smell, and touch life in its many and often mysterious ways.

In the beginning, I was nervous and wanted to show some knowledge and experience with both the writing and the witchcraft in my life. So my main focus was on delivering something useful written in a reader-friendly way. And to do it fast, meaning that my blog should be worth visiting at any given time.

High targets, I know. Nevertheless, when I look back today and see how both the blog and I personally have grown from anxious to confident, I´m proud and happy for this window to the world. It is a privilege to be read and to receive comments and likes.

At the same time, this is also a sort of online diary, at least now and then, where I have the opportunity to write about my feelings during a pandemic era. I need to rant a little every day, but on my better days I write, on my bad days I write, and on mixed days like yesterday I write.

Writing has a calming and relaxing effect on me, and it is so addictive, once you have begun writing in public. Knowing that people read me, and they keep on doing it, makes me happy and proud. Witchcraft soothes my body, mind, and soul to a degree where it is a chosen lifestyle.

I´m in the middle of the process of writing not only one novel, but actually four. The last three are yet at the table of good ideas, but I can feel them grow baby-step by baby-step. It is harder to write a novel than I thought at first glance.

But that doesn´t stop me at all; I work harder and try to nail things down at the moment I get the idea. So there are all sorts of binders, notebooks, and writing gear around me in whatever I do. As there are witchcraft items, spells, and rituals everywhere in my life.

A year and a day after the launching of this blog, it feels like a great adventure with many lessons yet left to learn. And I´m grateful that my readers and followers are still here with me. My wish for the next year and a day is that this blog continues to grow at a steady pace. So mote it be.

Next Friday, my little wise, old dog will be ten years old. So a short story from his point of view may be fiction, but with a whole life filled with joy and laughter behind the real scenes here in my little big house, my husband´s beautiful garden, and on the daily walks.

Until then, may your week be merry and blessed with positive things, dear readers and followers.

Picture of Myriam Zilles from Pixabay