Forever changed 2

A gradual re-opening of society, if things continue as they are for the next two weeks. Or, if we don´t understand it now, stronger measures might be put in use.

I have now learned to embrace my anxiety that just played a trick on my mind. So, as I´m writing this, I´m actually recovering from a minor attack that came rolling as a big wave.

But I withstood it without even exhaling a sigh. I simply conquered myself by saying “you can do this” as a mantra, until the worst part was over.

The feeling of a free fall, being airborne so fast that I sometimes have to grasp something close to me. I used to love roller coasters, today I prefer to have my two feet solid on the ground.

My whole body shivers inside, so I´m listening to music to calm down again. I had four wonderful days without any signs of an acute attack. Now I count again, and I´ll keep doing it the rest of my life.

I´ll never surrender to anxiety again. But I´m okay with the inevitable unseen and unheard attacks, as long as I know how to regain control. Today supplemented with medicine to be sure to keep calm.

And that´s what I´m going to do in this crazy and sad situation we are all experiencing right now.

Remain calm, steady work towards the better me, and writing about it as a homemade idea about therapy.

My other project, my novel, is put away until next week. I need a week more to exercise in concentration. Something is keeping me away from it. And I follow along, allowing my muse to come and go.

It´s probably all this terrible mess that the world has spun itself into. Reality runs faster than fiction right now.

First, I need to get some chores done. Then, I need to meditate and prepare for my little home school. And, often these days, I´m tired after a session with a clever seven-year-old girl.

I feel forever changed, for nothing seems to surprise me anymore. I think it is the feeling of not being able to foretell what will happen next that tires me out at the moment.

The days look so alike that it can be difficult to tell the difference between Monday and Saturday. We try to break the silence with occasional positive events like the birthday celebration of a sweet four-year-old girl yesterday.

It forces me to be creative in all life areas, and it is also demanding regarding my normal stress level. And I need to be my own therapist as well.

At the same time, I´m absolutely happy and content with my life. Outer changes don´t interfere with the safe atmosphere here. This is my safe haven, and I appreciate it now more than ever before.

I listen to Mother Earth right now. We began this evening with a small bonfire in the garden and heard the birds sing their praise of Spring. Clear, bright sky with only a few clouds, good for the breath.

The little wise, old dog ran around like a puppy, sniffling in the wind with his tail curled up on his back. And we enjoyed the evening Sun with its sharp, soothing warm rays.

Now, there is an old Danish movie on the screen in the background, my breath is back to calm, and there are nothing left of the minor attack. Writing about it as it happens is difficult, but possible, and it puts the attack into a new perspective.

I forget that I was scared, I get back in the saddle, over and over again. Conquering myself and my own shadow is the hardest work I´ve ever tried.

It takes some guts to be as open about it as I have chosen to be. It takes a lot of patience and understanding from my loved ones. And it takes a person with an anxiety disorder to tell the difference from the kind of anxiety that we all share now.

My anxiety is not specific. I have no fears that I dare not face. And there is nothing to be scared about physically and mentally. But my anxiety doesn´t care about reality.

I always have attacks when it is impractical, e.g. during a ordinary dinner with loved ones, in the middle of creative projects, and when there´s a lot going on around me.

For no particular reason, I freeze and feel an inner roller coaster of strong feelings of discomfort. It dances wildly with me between a few seconds and hours of trying to calm down again.

Today, it lasted a little less than an hour. Sometimes, I´m lucky it releases some creative energy that I immediately use to write until I´m calm again.

The past three weeks have taught me how to handle anxiety in a crisis, so that we can get through this time with minimum disturbance and affect on our body, mind and soul.

Forever changed means that I have found what I was looking so desperate for. Effective methods to control a force that unleashed would overwhelm me sooner than I like to think of.

Every day is a major victory. Each day without anxiety is bliss. And every conquered moment is worth the trouble and the work behind. I will use my strategies in the future too.

I´m okay, Self.

Forever changed

Waiting for yet another press conference in an hour. Forever changed in a forever changed world.

We humans have to learn now. Counting casualties in an invisible war is not what we should have to worry about.

Mother Earth is breathing and very much alive, and thank you, dear Universe, for the beauty of Spring outside.

Oh, I wish, I dream. We can continue help help each other rather than fight for nothing but haughty pride.

A family member and close friend has a few days off after seven night shifts with weak elderly people.

We will take good care of her. She is special. One of a kind and dares to show it, too.

A heroine of the everyday. As are millions of people right now worldwide. Thank you for keeping the rest of us going.

I feel anxious today. But I´m okay. Life is put on slow motion, and being mentally tired is a daily phenomena during this pandemic.

What is also becoming a daily routine, is my inner dance with anxiety, where I have taken the lead for the time being.

It is a strong, demanding dance, and it is about adapting to its mood swings and twists, like sitting in the front of a roller coaster on the loose.

I´m learning to cope with the fact that I´m easily scared. But I´ll fight back every inch of the way.

The art is to change from being anxious to being happy and content. My family and my friends, almost like a clan of different people, causes that.

When we are together, we are strong. When we are apart, we are even stronger.

And we share our lives up close and yes, we get to know each other. For better and for worse.

Being able to tolerate diversity is a necessary skill here at my little spot. But then again, it is possible to learn an old dog new tricks.

If we only dare to try to do things better than before all this. If we only would learn to trust the value of treating each other with respect and kindness.

And if we only this time would learn from past mistakes.

Forever changed is a deep and strong feeling. Waiting for yet another press conference is exhausting today.

So I will pour myself a new cup of coffee, keep on writing until I see our Prime Minister on TV.

On a Sunday afternoon

It it chilly outside, but the Spring Sun shines bright nonetheless. It is a spark of hope on a Sunday afternoon, where the numbers are steadily rising, saddening my heart.

Earlier, the silence was broken by the happy laughter of three children playing. Now, we are all resting, waiting for the celebration of a four-year-old girl, whose birthday arrangements had to be changed.

But we still try to create as perfect a day for her as possible. There will be a treasure hunt for her gift, a soft unicorn teddy bear. And we will have birthday cake and homemade pizza for dinner.

Day 4 now without any anxiety attack. On a Sunday afternoon, it is soothing to be able to relax both in the body, the mind, and the soul. I let the thoughts race their own way today.

I can only do my best, and so far my strategies work. But I also know that I´m buying myself time for the anxiety is strong, and sooner or later it probably will show up without prior warning.

Then I will be ready to deal with it at the moment it shows its teeth and growl at me. With an immediate time-out and these months a good cry. Supplemented by prescription medicine, when it is necessary.

I know that all this drains my strength and that I might have to recover quite some time when the world is calmer one day again.

But I live under the best possible conditions, and I´m used to live without too many people around. So my home is my shelter, my refuge.

On a Sunday afternoon like today, I feel safe, I feel whole, I feel change inside me. For the better.

I´m learning to trust myself for the first time in my life. The art of saying no and to stand by yourself, when it is necessary to step a little back and saying straight out that something is not okay.

It is a difficult art, especially because my goal besides taking good care of myself is to be as kind as possible toward people. It demands diplomacy which is becoming a strong trait in me.

I´m no longer so scared of conflicts for I believe that they are necessary to be able to grow mentally. Self-respect shows its worth right now, where we are going through the worst crisis since WW2.

I don´t seek conflicts unless it is relevant for my novel, but I don´t run from them either. And it takes much more today to get me involved in a conflict because I prefer to talk my way through it.

I´m perfectly able to get angry, but it´s extremely rare. Today, it pisses me off, pardon my French, that a group of journalists are attacking our government for the lockdown of the society.

They dare to ask if the life of elderly persons are worth the consequences to society. Have they not understood the seriousness of this? This virus attacks both the old population, those around 50 and also young people.

How much is a life worth, a calculation I would hate to have to make.

This is already deeply affecting everybody on planet Earth. So, hello press, please shut up and help instead. Not by being politically mean in the worst possible situation for any country to be in.

But by bringing trustworthy news rather than playing the grumpy old man who is unhappy about not being able to do the usual bullshit. And by seeking the positive lights in this dark tunnel of worldwide fear and losses.

My thoughts today go to those who have lost a loved one to Covid-19.

Later, I look forward to my phone call with my 82-year-old father. He is listening now, I hope, and hopefully doing well. I spoke with him on Thursday, so I´m praying for good news tonight.

I have other family members who are getting older, but we live our separate lives, and they never call me. The reason behind is locked up in a box in the farthest corner of my mind and soul.

I tried to stay in contact for many years, but every attempt was turned down after a short while. So however much I would love to hear their voices, I also know that I don´t want to get hurt ever again.

On a Sunday afternoon, it´s time for a treasure hunt with a sweet four-year-old girl. That is my reality, my life, and it is so much more valuable than a vague dream of meeting family who couldn´t care less.

May your Sunday be blessed with sunshine and happy laughter.

Saturday blues

This morning, I return to the keyboard, both here and with my novel.

I´m restless due to irritating pain in my left hip, the side effect of osteoarthritis, and I can already here at 9 a.m. feel that today will be one of the sensitive days.

Last night, there was a sing along show on TV, where some of our many talented artists performed live for free. Tonight, another show says thank you to the people who keep the rest of us going.

I know I will cry my heart out, as I did last night, while trying to sing along. The way people are beginning to help each other touches me. For it has been a rare thing the last many years.

And it is about time to change that.

So I write my Saturday blues and feel strangely changed. I live in a changed world, and yesterday is forever gone.

In the midst of all this, I learn to trust my gut instinct, I learn to cope well with my ailments, and I learn to believe in other people again.

And I have changed, too. My new morning routine is to sing along when they transmit the new morning sing along show. It´s only fifteen minutes of my time, and I know that many thousands do the same thing.

After a fresh-brewed cup of coffee, I walk my little, wise old dog in the garden, put the ear plugs in, and begin to write something with meaning to me.

In the weekend, there is no home school, so here I will try to use the time to work on my novel that has been delayed a bit due to this terrible time.

Yesterday evening, I just didn´t have anything to say. I was emotionally overwhelmed by the beauty in the music that was played live on TV. And very tired after a long week with homework and play with the kids.

So, I skipped my weekly blog post and decided to keep on writing like a personal diary. When all of this is over, I´ll have to decide how to return to the original aims of this blog.

But for now, writing when it feels right works fine for me.

Writing my Saturday blues is a dance to the rhythm of happy party music, for I need a positive spark in my mind today. And sitting down, dancing to the beats, is good therapy, both for my aching hip and my mood.

My husband just went out in the garden where he will be for the next couple of hours. I will go there too, a little later, for shorter periods of time. Today is my day off, so I can recharge and be prepared for the coming week.

Where we all will return to these new routines with the kids that became necessary two weeks ago. And I just feel that there will be quite a few weeks yet before this is over.

In fifteen minutes there is morning sing along, together, but apart. And then it is time for opening chapter three in my novel.

Have a blessed, beautiful day, wherever you are.

A healing ritual and freedom from anxiety

Yesterday, I had a very personal and warming healing ritual with a family member and good friend. He had brought a candle with a sigil, and together we shared around an hour contemplating all this new that is going on.

I had chosen a great variety of healing crystals, e.g. rose quartz, moonstone, rhodochrosite, amethyst, blue lace agate, and malachite. There were also the sweet smelling essential oils and patchouli incense.

I read a couple of texts with a deeper meaning, and at last we wrote down what we wanted to let go of and lit our respective healing candles.

They are also lit now, as I´m writing this, and I will continue consecrating and charging healing candles, until all of this is over.

On my altars were black altar cloths, my athame, a porcelain bear that belonged to my grandfather on my mother´s side. skulls, dragons, my mini Tarot cards, and my homemade pentagram.

After the ritual, we went outside and sat around a bonfire, where we released our written words.

Since that it feels as if a new healing energy has diverted me away from worrying about my anxiety too much. A whole afternoon, evening and this brand new day without the fear of an unexpected anxiety attack showing up is a wonderful feeling of freedom.

For once during this, my anxiety is tamed. I enjoy the feeling of inner peace and relaxation of both body and mind.

It´s so liberating not to sit and shiver all the time. It frees my mind from the racing thoughts that have messed around with me for a couple of weeks.

I had quality time with my special rainbow family today. From the eyes and ears of children in the age of two, almost four, and seven years old. To grown ups with whom we can talk about everything and nothing from day to day without ever wanting to stop.

We pick up the conversation in the mornings, now with coffee in the garden as a daily must. And we pick it up from where we left it the night before.

I use some of the positive magickal energy from yesterday´s ritual. Now, I´m naturally tired, and I just know that I will sleep well tonight.

However, I still need to tell my self that I´m okay in all this, and my anxiety has to be conquered several times of day.

It is possible to learn to cope and to live well with anxiety as an involuntary visitor.

The price that I pay is that I cry more often, for short periods, but oh my, it hurts like hell when it hits me. I get touched to the bottom of my heart every time I learn about people being helpful and caring worldwide.

In Denmark, more than 100,000 people plan to sing from home to celebrate that our Majesty the Queen on April 16 2020 will be eighty years old. We will sing Happy Birthday wherever we are at 12.00 a.m. Danish time.

It helps me to stay standing on my own two feet in the midst of a terrible crisis to cry my heart out when I get emotionally affected of the news stream and the silent times in between.

It is as if all troubles are released with a couple of minutes of me time. It´s the price to pay for being strong in stressful times. And I´m happy to pay it, for I´m going through a major learning process these months.

Staying home for so long under such conditions makes sure that you get to know yourself, also into the farthest corners that otherwise would be left for the shadow work to deal with.

My face in the mirror in the bathroom is serious with a lot of smiles too. I believe that seeking the positive outlook in everything that life throws at me is the best point of view.

And our little basis actually works. All the hard work behind has been worth the trouble. We have much more than we thought we would be able to get.

And the best part of it is that most of it comes from using things more than once. Recycling and buying second-hand is also a fun way to spend money, not much, but enough to get by.

The little extra is the unity and fmily bond between us seven people, three dogs and three cats.

In the weekend, I will relax as much as possible, perhaps jump on the trampoline in the garden with the kids. But tonight, I will write to the beat of music that makes me happy as a child.

Yes, I´m actually dancing sitting down. Maybe I sound a bit crazy, but so what? It´s been one of the happiest days since all this began, and I´ll enjoy it until I´m too tired to anything but sleep peacefully.

May your evening and tomorrow to be blessed with inner peace, dear readers and followers.

Living in a changed world

I feel changed. Nothing feels quite the same anymore. And yesterday took its toll on my strength. And once again, I had to handle the beginning of a major anxiety attack with music in my ears as soon as possible.

Then a couple of minutes with long, deep breaths before I felt that I could face life again.

Today, I did the same thing around noon after my little home school.

Living in a changed world is different, it feels uphill at the moment, and it will demand a lot of us all for a long time afterwards, maybe even permanently.

Our Prime Minister has prolonged the closing down of society. And there might be more to handle later on. So, this is an involuntary journey, where the major task is to keep on trucking, in slow-motion however.

I feel swept off my feet, that the world spins faster than ever before, and that this is bad, this is terrible, this is scary.

But the music helps me cope with the inevitable changes that life throws at us right now. It is a sacred space, where I cry my heart out and get up on my two feet again and again.

And the writing allows me to track my progress. I have found new strength in the simple pleasures of life. The laughter of children on the trampoline, lying together, looking for funny pictures in the skies.

A bonfire in the garden, a walk with the little, wise, old dog, and a quick talk with a local resident, on a distance, but heartwarming nevertheless.

Staying home is not hard in itself. It´s the reality that most people go through right now. It is the feeling of recurrent change that keep playing tricks with the mind.

I wish and hope that everybody understands the necessity in staying home, no matter how long a day may feel after a while. We should only go out when we need to shop our daily necessities and medicine.

Even our Queen has canceled her 80th birthday. More than 100,000 people are planning to sing for anyway, only at home out of the windows. I will do it too.

The remains of the day is dedicated to my novel. I need a larger break from the news stream tonight. And fiction these days are overhauled by reality.

So it will be a welcome break to simply sit and write and listen to Mother Earth. She breaths better these months, we breathe better. Maybe that is a sign of healing in the midst of distress.

My rituals have been boiled down to one. I will combine my garden blessing ritual with as many healing elements involved as possible.

There will be candles, essential oils, crystals, incense, and my strongest witchcraft symbols represented on my altars. I will celebrate it with a family member and close friend who lives right next door.

And I will write about here so it may inspire others to try to do their kind of magick.

Please take good care of yourself, dear readers and followers.

So mote it be.

Picture of John Hain from Pixabay 

To rest between breaks

A very dear friend has taught me how to cope with life. You must rest between breaks. You must recover from the rest. And you must evaluate.

To rest between breaks is a demanding task these days. My friend suffers devastating from sclerosis. He is the sweetest man, and his wife is warmhearted and kind.

They are always helpful, wonderfully direct, and present in a way that is extremely rare these years. They know me and my husband to a point where they are part of our extended rainbow family.

At the moment, as I´m writing this, it is the time of day where I withdraw to cry a bit and then write my heart out for the love of writing.

And I think of family and friends, especially those far away from here. I wish that I could give them a big, warming hug. I have only seen them a couple of times in recent years.

We live far apart because we needed to establish our own roots here for a whole life of reasons. A place to grow old, this funny big old house I live in. There used to be a restaurant, a bakery, and a kiosk. Across the street was the old cinema.

Tomorrow, I´ll be a busy witch. I need to plan two rituals, one for Ostara and one for healing to the world.

I rested yesterday. And I decided to have a daily crying time. Not that I cry that often, but during this pandemic, it´s okay and fair to cry, if only one get up as fast as possible and keep on trucking.

I took the liberty to have a whole day of breaks. I recovered with the celebration of another friend and family member who´s thirty years old today. And now I evaluate what to do today.

I´m sensitive to emotions with an anxiety disorder. So tears come easy, but I have learned to choose a time of day, my worrying fifteen minutes, where my anxiety is let loose.

Usually, I forget all about it during the day and am too tired at night. These weeks and months are different. Now I cry when something touches me so deeply that it scares me.

It is typically five to ten minutes, where I let go and slowly regain the control. It feels so cleansing, and right now it is one of my many strategies for coming through a major crisis.

Another is doing as my friend tells me to, to rest between breaks.

I try to implement this simple rule of life into as many life areas as possible.

Next week, my two rituals will be my main focus, and my novel needs to cool off. My muse needs to recharge. It is not a writer´s block, it´s more a gut feeling.

I have spent a week conquering one of the worst anxiety attacks ever. So to be honest, I have only written a few paragraphs, and something tells me to wait and see. The last time I did that, I ended up writing six pages.

To celebrate the coming of Spring and to use all my magickal energy on a healing ritual is also to rest between breaks.

I recharge, I divert my anxious self, and I release any kind of negativity that crosses my path.

I have just written with my friends online and received online hugs with sweet GIF´s.

It ends my worrying fifteen minutes, and I will also speak with my father later today on the phone.

And now it´s time to listen to great music on full volume. Yet another way to rest between breaks.

May the world grow wise and may people learn to think twice and keep on helping each other after this.

As we will it, so mote it be.

Picture of mmcclain90 from Pixabay 

Coffee in the garden

What a liberating Sun! Welcome Spring, it´s time to plan the Sabbath Ostara/Spring Equinox. A little late this year, but things happen, and we must face each day with a fresh outlook.

Better late than never. And today is beautiful. Unfortunately, many people don´t listen to the authorities. I now wait for what´s next. I think of coffee in the garden and my little home school.

Diversion once again is necessary to stop my anxiety from showing its teeth. I´m more sensitive to sounds and light today. First homework, writing about nouns, reading a children´s book, and listening to English children songs.

Then jumping on the trampoline together as a reward.

Now, I´m taking it easy in my home. My healing candle is lit, coffee is right next to me, and there is a crime series running on TV.

I´m listening to thundering drums, great guitar riffs, and coarse voices. I need to the break the silence that is growing, so it almost echoes at times. I´m much better today.

Physically, I´m rather tired. But mentally, it is soothing to sit and write inside, even though the weather calls for a walk.

We shop lesser times, we plan more, we get to know each other from new perspectives.

To remain calm demands a lot of self-control. And I release the negativity with a few tears now and then. It´s okay to let go by crying, as long as there is room left for a smile as soon as possible.

Now there is morning singing for everybody on national TV around 9 a.m. I listened to some of it. And it felt calming and positive.

I will use the weekend to plan and to celebrate this festival of light. My husband has a box of seeds for the garden blessing. I will embrace everything magick that resounds of healing purposes.

So, I will read healing prayers, use props associated with healing, and I will use white candles for clarity.

The planning part is for Saturday where I also want to make something beautiful from my many different creative materials. Sunday is a day off with only little creative projects to make and a Spring ritual to perform.

Tonight, I will be writing on my novel. A paragraph or two a day seems okay and enough these days.

At last, I can breathe without anxiety in every heartbeat. It as been a free and happy day. A few waves now and then, but nothing of the kind I experienced the other day.

So, I took a deep dive and got up for fresh air. And now I can truly say that I´m okay. My body don´t shiver anymore. My mind is calm. And my soul is learning its life lesson right now.

Tomorrow, I will make a new healing candle. Until all of this is over that´s my plan. The rest is yet to be seen and experienced. Have a blessed evening, dear readers and followers.

Picture of Please, don’t sell my photos at commercial stock portals ! from Pixabay 

Back in the saddle

My healing candle is easy to make. I picked a blue candle for healing and prayed for the Universe to heal the world. And then, I lit my candle.

And I´m going to keep on doing that whenever the old candle burns out. I have a rainbow of colored candles, and why not pick a different one each time?

Then there is a daily mini-ritual to turn to, and there will be more magick here again. This will end, this will be better.

I couldn´t write about it yesterday, for I had a terrible bad day.

My thoughts went crazy, and I decided to pull the plug and sleep it away. Today, I´m back in the saddle. Better, but yet to function 100 %. I take it extremely easy. Until now, I haven´t touched the keyboard.

I have been offline and instead, a daily walk with the wise, old dog has kept my spirit up. The air smells different somehow. He is happy, with his tail curled up, and he responds with a big woof whenever I grab his leash.

Yesterday, everything became too much for me. My world quivered and I felt like shit mentally. The tears came this morning, five minutes of release. After that, the clouds faded away, and the sun made it possible to enjoy a cup of fresh coffee outside in the garden.

My husband has worked there all day. Hope, you enjoy today´s picture.

I am fighting hard these days to try to be as prepared as possible for what life may throw at me. I can control my anxiety perhaps 80 % with medication and coping strategies. The rest is up to me to handle.

And it got the best of me yesterday.

But slowly, I´m getting there. To the point where I stand on my feet again and try to make the best from everything.

It´s okay to feel vulnerable, it´s okay to need to withdraw every once in a while, and it´s okay to show it.

And I´m okay, thank you. Deep breaths, meditation for inner peace, and an honest attitude are my methods to handle long-term outer stress.

Tonight, I´m returning to my novel. The past days has not been productive at all, so now I believe that a couple of hours with fiction writing is a good way to spend the evening.

I have cut down on the news stream. I choose three specific times during the day to watch the news. In the morning, in the late afternoon, and the evening news at 9 p.m.

Between that, it has to be urgent, my focus will be on my little home school, little creative projects, and my novel. Family and friends, however, have always first priority no matter the time of day.

My personal priority is simple: to stay on my path, to remain calm, and to re-charge as often as possible.

My personal low came yesterday. And I will do what it takes to get as far away from that as possible. I don´t want to be so angry, so sad, so full of doubt, and so miserable ever again.

I just spoke to my 82 year-old father, who still think it´s safe for him to travel by bus- I love him, but he can be extremely stubborn. And I now face the fact that it may be his destiny.

I can´t do a sorry thing about it because we live many miles apart, and now is simply not the time to travel anywhere. It is all about staying home as much as possible.

So my fears went up a bit tonight. Well, there is light in the darkness, and there is darkness in the light.

My calming advice to my self is therefore to accept the things as they come. I can only change my own attitude toward what´s happening around me.

And I choose the brutally honest attitude. If my father won´t listen, it is his choice, not mine. And it is not my responsibility what he decides to do with his life.

Sometimes, life kicks you right in the face. So I decide to live my life and to work even harder to be the better me.

So, I listen to music, and I write.

The numbers are escalating in my country. The silence is remarkable, the birds are singing much clearer and louder, and there are fewer and fewer people in the streets.

It is so audible and so visible who still refuses to listen to the authorities.

I´m proud of my Prime Minister and her colleagues. They try hard to do their best. They try at least. But the most part is up to each and every one of us all.

It is troubling times, and I think it is the speed of the news stream, the big sudden changes, and the uncertainty of it all that got me yesterday.

But I´m slowly getting back in the saddle. And I light my healing candle and send all my positive thoughts and online hugs to everybody that may need it tonight. As I will it, so mote it be.

How to cope with anxiety these days and weeks

First day in school was hectic, but fun. Common tears were shared, for this is one of the thoughtful days. And to tell a seven-year-old that the world looks and feels different is quite a task.

But we made it. In this post, I will try to describe what I do to cope with my anxiety disorder in the hope that it will bring comfort and inner peace to anybody who might read this.

When I feel that an anxiety attack is on its way, I practice breathing exercises. My favorite is to focus on my senses. So I look at five different things, touch four other items, listen after three noises or make them myself, pick two things to do, and say the word one.

Usually, it is enough to redirect my mind from the physical effects of an anxiety attack. Another method is to try to ride along with the attack, meaning that the primary focus is on calming the breath.

Diversion, diversion, and diversion. If possible, I speak with my loved ones about it. It depends on how they are coping. If it is a bad day for them, I talk to myself. And tell them when they can handle it as well as anything else these days.

Right now, I´m on my own in my creative den. Everybody is doing their stuff, and I fight an anxiety attack as I write these lines. It haunts me most when the silence is too much to bear or right before the news.

I feel a lot of inner stress, and it makes me restless and irritable. We are good at telling each other how we feel and at creating enough mental space to be humans in.

Last night, some people thought it was fascinating to drive up and down the street for at least two hours in the middle of the night. It took me about an hour to calm down after that.

I really don´t see the point in doing such completely stupid things just to show off and in reality show us all how little a human being they are. It is so arrogant and meaningless.

I don´t need trivial complaints either. We are all in this together, whether we like it or not. And we have to make the most of the much that most of us already have.

My thoughts and concerns today goes to the lonely, the weak, and the many who are stuck out there with their concerns and worries.

To keep up the good spirit is not easy, yet this is what each of us must try to do.

Being creative minimizes my anxiety to a tolerable level, where I´m adapting to a feeling of long-term stress abrupt by a few hours of deep silence in the world.

Writing arranges my thoughts, so they don´t fill my entire day. They are running in the background so to speak, like the news and other necessary things to see and hear.

My prescription medicine treats only some parts of my anxiety. The root causes I try to take care of myself. I tell myself every morning that I´m strong enough for this, and that there will be light at the end of it.

But I also tell myself the truth and accept that there may come many tears later on. If not for personal reasons, then for the world.

What scares me the most is to see and hear how vulnerable we humans are, when the shit hits the fan, pardon my French. We have a lot to learn, indeed.

When everything feels lousy, I turn to online helping groups where it is possible to meet good people. The majority of people are kind, if you come with kindness yourself.

The minority will always make trouble, but in these days they are seen and heard. And no, nobody gives them a medal. So what is their kick worth in the end?

In my country, somebody has stolen necessary stuff from hospitals, others are cheating elderly people by pretending they work in the healthcare sector. How low will humans sink?

I hope that one day they will meet shame in the bathroom mirror. Then it is difficult to look oneself in the eyes.

How are you coping, dear readers and followers ?

Feel free to share your story and let´s us fight this together.

I know we haven´t seen nothing yet. But we will get through this. It will be expensive in many more ways than money, and it is the wake-up call from Mother Nature.

It is right now that we can shape a better future, if we only dare to work across borders of any kind between people.

Have a wonderful day, wherever you are. Lots of hugs and positive vibes.

An online light

This is the link to the Before the Dawn online support group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/539367610029409/.

A great initiative and a great way to meet people across borders in a scary time.

It is an online light in the dark.

This morning, I´m counting down the minutes until 10 a.m. I hope for my phone call, but I don´t expect it.

And I can manage comfortably today because a little home school will begin later today. To teach a fantastic seven-year-old is a privilege, and I´m her proud teacher.

Now, after so many years of studying many different things, it´s time for me to make proper use of my knowledge. To pass it on to a sweet little girl is a gift that touches the mind and the heart.

This spot online will also be changed a bit during this world crisis. I will try to post my techniques to survive this mentally, when I get back here later today.

Then it will also be time for my healing candle to the world. I will try to write it down here, so others can do the same, if they wish to.

My best advice for the days to come is to try to be remain calm and listen to the authorities. Be attentive, there is a lot of fake news circling around, and some people have difficulty behaving themselves.

But they are seen and heard now. And they will be told what to do, as we all are these days. So it is, and the best way to cope with this is to search for the positive sides of a life in slow motion, to take one day at a time, and to help wherever possible.

Come on world, there is online light in the darkness. And we will get through this somehow some day.

The Queen addresses the Danish nation

In a couple of minutes, our Majesty the Queen will speak to us Danes. It has not happened since World War 2, where the King spoke about the liberation.

Right now, the press conference orders that we must not gather more than 10 people at a time.

This is deeply serious.

When the Queen addresses the Danish nation, I will stop writing and listen.

When I can breathe without crying again, I will return to the keyboard, for life must go on, only in slow motion.

Tonight, my anxiety and my tears are allowed to be free. I can control it, but I need to let out some steam and to rant.

People are singing from their homes. And at seven p.m. each night, people clap their hands out of the windows as a thank you to the people who work extremely hard to take care of us all.

Yesterday, I gave the workers in our local shop a box of chocolate because they work so hard to make sure that there is enough food and other necessities.

We had tears in our eyes, and my voice was insecure. But to see them smile, it was worth the trouble.

I´m close to tears right here, right now. I won´t hold them back tonight. I spoke with my father almost for an hour earlier today. It was blessed to her his voice. He is 82 years old, and I know the risk.

I´m restless, very tired mentally, and anxious to the bone. But if you could see me now, you would notice outer calm. It´s the inner storm that is tormenting me these days.

The children were even more loving both this morning and at dinner tonight. We seven stand united together and try our best to come through rough days.

But to be brutally honest, it´s getting tougher by the hour. I´m more stressed and need more breaks during the day.

And now the Queen speak …

… The Queen was serious, yet mildly smiling to us. Her words touched me in the bottom of my heart, and I took some deep breaths with silent cries in them.

Without tears, for right now, I´ll save them for worse days than today.

Got a new contact opportunity, and I will ask the person who took the initiative, if I may post a link to their Facebook-group.

It´s an online chance to meet people from new perspectives, and the aim is to offer comfort, mental support, and help across borders between people.

A place to meet online, now that offline is utter silence in the streets.

I feel this is the silence before the storm. It is a changed world now, and it will spin even faster than usual in the near future.

I pray that I tomorrow at 10 a.m. will receive a phone call from my counselor, but I also prepare myself for the possibility that he´s busy with his other 85 citizens who need help more than me.

I will consecrate and charge a magick healing candle tomorrow for the world. And when I work with magick, I will solely focus on aspects of healing and kindness.

I will do chores that I hate to do but are necessary to keep one´s mind in check. Time feels different these days. And it´s best to try to keep things as normal as possible.

Life is in slow-motion, and home is bliss.

Tonight, I will try not to think about all this too much. And I send all the people in the world my warmest thoughts and hugs. We need it now.

So, please take good care of yourself and others. And help where you can.

Between press conferences

There is time as never before. A day is so different from what it was only a few days ago. I fight a dark battle today.

It pisses me off, when I see and hear about people who cannot seem to understand that we have to listen to the authorities and do what we are told to do.

Why in Heaven´s name expose others to an unnecessary risk? And why exploit the situation to promote pure egoism and so inappropriate political campaigns during so serious times?

How dare they?

Between press conferences, I try to live as normal as possible. But nothing feels normal anymore. I´m tested mentally and fight hard to remain calm and focusing on the positive sides of life right now.

In or little family clan, we are four grown ups, three children, three dogs and three cats.

We see more to each other, we are brutally honest, and we need to take extremely good care of the one of us who work during the nights with people who easily may be affected.

She has a few days off now, and I will buy her a box of chocolate. She´s a heroine and a dear friend too.

We talk daily about how to adapt as pain free as possible. And it is okay to feel afraid from time to time. As long as we talk ourselves through this, it will be alright some day.

I hope I get my counseling call on Wednesday. I will ask him to keep track of the time, so I can tell him, how I try to cope.

The need to prioritize has never seemed more appropriate. I choose to follow my mind and comfort my heart. The daily chores are done in a quiet rhythm.

Tomorrow, it´s laundry day before yet another playful day with a four-year-old, who has difficulty understanding all this. So we play and talk about what she likes.

It helps me taking care of the sweet children. It gives me inner peace and happiness. I´m so proud of the seven-year-old girl who today wrote almost a chapter on my laptop for her little fairy tale book.

With help, but soon she did it all by herself. It´s a different kind of school, but I love it. And we are going to read together, to work with the math and the algebra.

Meanwhile, I can feel the anxiety running wild today. It´s under strict control, however. It keeps me more alert than usual, and my arthritis are torturing me.

But I take it as it comes, there´s nothing else to do.

Between press conferences, I try to tell my self that I´m okay. I look at five well-known things, touches another four items around me, listen after three noises, take two deep breaths, and then I say one.

And take another deep breath before I pick up what I was doing.

This is serious and maybe a bit dark.

Later today I need to go shopping with a family member and a friend. I haven´t been outside except for the garden for almost a week now.

It´s time I try because I might have to on my own one day.

I know I can do it. But I also know that it will take time to recover. So I prepare myself in every possible way.

A long hot bath, clean clothes, and music in my ears. With fresh coffee in the cup, my husband, and the little wise, old dog close by. Right now, I´m home, and I need to break the silence my way.

So I write and I pray to the Universe for peace of mind.

Between press conferences, I find that my strength is much more solid than I thought a couple a days ago. I also get enough sleep and take good care of myself and my loved ones.

I speak more often with my father. Oh my, we are experiencing this together, yet apart. So of course I´m scared. But we have to remain calm and help each other.

The Danes are singing too, now. The numbers are growing, and still, too many cannot control themselves. We have to be in control with ourselves, it is a life-long demand, anyhow.

But it is visible and audible who cannot behave themselves. Most people can cooperate, if they only dare to.

And, thank you Universe, there are many who keep the rest of us going. I bow my head in the deepest respect.

Now, it is time for me to do something to divert me from reality for a little while.

Please take care of yourself, wherever you are.

Dear Universe

Today, it is tolerable to be me because people are asking me worldwide if I´m okay. Now it´s my time to ask you, dear readers and followers, are you okay?

I´m okay today because I have somebody to talk with. My thoughts goes to those who have themselves only.

We all need to be strong and learn to cope with this as soon as possible. The silence between us must be broken, for we need to cooperate and contribute with what we have to give.

I hope I write with a positive tone, for I believe in searching for the positive sides. Especially during a worldwide crisis like this it is important to help each other and not only care for oneself.

We help our neighbors with their three children, and we care for our dear family member and friend, who works with elderly and weak people, while the rest of us try to get at least some sleep.

Tonight, I will probably talk things through with a close family member and a friend for life. My husband needs to rest, since he works hard every day to make this as tolerable as possible for us.

My face in the mirror has a serious look, yet there is also room for a big smile. I´m okay, I tell myself and smile. We have to go through this one way or the other.

And we might as well be as positive as possible no matter what happens. It will take the world many efforts to regain its strength. But we can, if we only dare to try.

The Italians are singing from their apartments. The 10 biggest companies in Denmark are working together to help the transport sector. And we are told that there will be more to consider soon.

Here, we are telling the truth in a kind way.

Dear Universe, please aid us learning our lessons now and help us to grow and work together also long after this is over.

I´m considering making a ritual with healing as the firm focus. An evening ritual to relax mind, body, and soul feels appropriate at the moment.

Today, I´m more in the mood to watch something funny on TV as a counterweight to all the deeply serious things going on.

The world needs some time off, we all need to relax and do things in a slower rhythm than usual. It is unusual times, and we are in unknown territory.

My three philosophical cats are right now enjoying their afternoon meal, and my little, wise, old dog sleeps peacefully right beside me.

I have lit candles, pieces of chocolate and fresh coffee. My mood is getting better as I write. I feel an inner strength growing forth that I didn´t know that I had in me.

I will fight this every inch of the way, do my best to cope with new regulations practically on a daily basis now, and work hard to keep my spirits up.

But I will also be brutally honest with how I feel. We also speak the truth to the children in a loving way. And together we will come through this.

Soon, we will take the little, wise, old dog on a walk in the garden, so he can play and be a happy, friendly dog in free air.

And I will write another paragraph or three in my novel.

So dear Universe, grant us all happiness, inner peace, a good health, and let us be kind toward each other.

Which once again reminds me these four lines, where I still search for the original author :

“Happiness is the new rich. Inner peace is the new success. Health is the new wealth. Kindness is the new cool.”

Blessed Be.

Stay positive

Today, our borders closed at noon. I feel better today, however, I´m attentive and cautious. I try to keep my mind occupied with anything else than running news.

I follow the news, but I also turn off from time to time. I need to gather my thoughts, I need to let all this sink in. It feels surreal, but I know it is a reality that we have to adjust to.

Sitting on my couch behind the keyboard is a major task today. Every word is carefully written, and every sentence is slowly built. Everything moves fast, except time that seems locked in a loop between TV channels with ever-changing news.

This is tough to deal with. My inner peace is intact and I´m okay. To stay positive no matter what is my goal. I work hard with myself to keep my anxiety in check.

I told my loved ones that I had a bad evening. Everything felt better after I told them this and they said, take it easy, you are doing well with this. Well, I feel okay, but I´m not 100 % okay. Nobody is.

My sweet neighbor must go to work tonight, and she works with care for the elderly and weak. In my world, she is a true heroine. Already, she is tired, so we take the best possible care for her when she´s home again.

It is tough times, and we are only a few days into it. It is tiresome today, but I could only rest, sleep must wait until the night comes. I wrote a couple of paragraphs, but today I have to work hard with the words.

I hereby dispel any negative energy from my sacred space, as I will it, so mote it be.

Tomorrow, I will go to my creative den and prepare for the next time with playing, creative, and happy children. And try to write from early morning.

Simply sit down and go to work. A writer´s job is to write. A witch´s job is to enhance a positive outlook on life. And my job is to learn to cope with all this here and now.

I tell my self to shut up and do what it takes. And I do it several times of day. I use music to relax and to release my thoughts about what´s happening in these days and weeks.

I use breathing techniques, crystal healing, and the planning of the next Sabbath, Ostara/Spring Equinox, to calm myself down when necessary. And I am open about how it feels to live with anxiety in a stressful world.

Tonight, I will focus on the positives of this day, watch a movie or a series, and try to relax as much as possible. Tomorrow, I´m going to call my father, and I look forward to hear his voice.

Let tomorrow begin better than today seems to end. And so it is.