Hello again, dear readers and followers. Last week, well, life happened so fast that it too soon became too late to write something meaningful in a chaotic and, at times, erratic world.
I have busy butterflies in my stomach. Tomorrow morning at 9 a.m., I will participate in a meeting concerning my future at the social houses in my county.
Other than me, my boss, my counselor, and a boss to top that – let´s just say it triggers many different emotions in me.
Mostly positive vibes; however, my mood slightly changes to the slower lane. To forgive others can be challenging, and to forgive yourself is a quest of courage, iron will, and self-recognition. So please forgive me, dear readers and followers, for not informing you of my missing post last Monday.
Last week, I was told that an important meeting should take place this week. On Tuesday, tomorrow, that is.
I want to know what will be the working schedule henceforth. If nothing goes my way, I will try to continue what I have been doing for almost a year in a few months. Only to come back and ask for another meeting until the vibes are positive. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean forgetting but letting go by the way.
Now, a day before the meeting, I´m enjoying the afternoon on my own as my husband, the philosophical cats, and the little wise, old dog power nap peacefully all around me.
In my ears, music with a fast rhythm, as to mentally short-circuit myself from getting caught in the abyss of racing thoughts, the occasional nasty hiss of anxiety from its corner, and the procrastination tics from my ADHD.
Shifting suddenly without warning to loud rock music, wearing my black bathrobe and fuzzy slippers, preparing myself to go make the afternoon coffee for my husband and me.
Only to go back to the first, my private strategy for following along without losing my firm grip on my mental disorders or my physical ailments.
Whenever the thoughts try to distract me, I change the music to find my perfect writing rhythm for today.
At best, I feel that there is music in my writing. I often dance along, and although I sit down on the couch, I like to write in tune with the music in my ears. My taste in genres is pretty broad; however, it depends more on my mood on any given day.
The time is now for a minor coffee break, inspirative conversation with my sweet husband, and dinner preparations. So please, excuse me, I will be back shortly …
… to pick up the line, I´m preparing my body, mind, and soul for spiritual workings. So today, it will be this evening with the planning of my upcoming Imbolc ritual on Thursday this week.
To me, it means celebrating the returning light from the Sun with lit candles as the only light source in my witch´s den. Calling out for the promised return of the Spring with a glass jar filled with coarse salt and seven bay leaves on the windowsill. And blessing my husband´s beloved garden for the first time this new year.
But for now, I need to let go of what no longer serves me as I write these words. Being busy is becoming the new me, it seems. I split my time between going out of the house to work at the social houses and taking good care of my number one priority in my life, namely my loved ones in my everyday.
Letting go today, right here and right now, feels reasonable and necessary. I can handle the slightest signs of my incoming and outgoing mood swings. And I know from deep within my heart and soul that my patterns are long manias and short depressions.
It is not at all anxiety-provoking to me, as I have learned to gain at least some control of it by practicing breathing exercises and using every strategy available at any given moment in life.
Yes, I have occasional attacks. But they are easier to handle after more than five years of hard daily work.
The procrastination issue is somewhat helped by my innate iron will, work discipline, and mental attitude.
I have a positive outlook on life, however harsh it may sometimes be. There is only one way ahead: to continue to get up happy early in the morning, enjoying every little step on the journey of life. Giving up can never be an option here unless everything has been tried more than just once first.
Forgiveness and positive vibes; the scene here is set with beautiful intentions, a soul-soothing atmosphere, and the perfect mixture of happy laughter and solemn contemplation.
However, turning on my mood meter is way more manageable this time. I have come as far as possible in my attunement with both Nature and my behavioral adjustments.
I now face an ongoing termination of my counseling time. After quite a few years, I need to stand on my own two feet again after quite a few years of help from the outside world.
But it feels okay to slowly end something that has been of indescribable and permanent value to me. I have a burning desire to finally take good care of myself and my loved ones, live a wonderful fairy-tale life here, and help others be a little less lonely.
For that, I´m grateful and content. For that, I thank you, dear Universe, dear goddesses, and dear gods. For that, it is worth fighting every inch of the way. Blessed Be, so it is.
May your week be busy with happiness, inner peace, good health, and kindness, dear readers and followers. May the outer chaos come to a rest, at least a temporary one. And may my inner abyss of thoughts and feelings be calmed by the good people around me.
As we will it, so mote it be.
Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again.