I live in a small town with only eighteen to twenty-two miles to the nearest major cities around the southern part of Denmark. I have lived enough years in a big city to enjoy the freedom of space, peace and calm, and birdsong.
My magick spot on Mother Earth is a big house that seems smaller when looked at from the street. It is surrounded by a garden in two parts, a yard and a lawn with fire pit, cat den, and a greenhouse with a vine climbing inside.
I have space enough to create a magick atmosphere all over the place. We are allowed to do whatever we want, as long as we take good care of this wonderful place.
Over a time span of four years we have created our paradise. My husband loves his garden and his garage room where he often creates beautiful results with whatever material he can get his hands on.
I love it all, but I especially like my three favorite dens, my writing desk room, my creative den, and my witch´s den. It is where I get the chance to be creative in whatever I do.
This is truly home to us. It is also a wonderful privilege to have sweet neighbors who are family too. We share a bond that is extremely rare in the modern world of egoistical behavior.
I can´t help but notice that people are getting less and less cautious. I find it deeply disturbing that so many disregard the precautions we now have been used to for more than three months.
So I prefer to be at home as much as possible. The other day, I was out to shop necessary groceries with my husband and a close friend. It was a short shopping trip, but manageable due to the early time of day.
Perhaps it´s me, but home is bliss compared to the outside world. I have always been active, I´m used to have to be around many people at a time, and I used to love live concerts.
Today, I live with a generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety. Now I better understand the many twists and turns there used to be in my life. So, staying home is bliss to me.
My husband and I have learned the hard way that we are much better at agreeing than disagreeing, We only discuss issues today, no more fighting between us for we have fought wars with words.
That doesn´t mean that we always agree on everything. But we are much more relaxed about our relationship today. We need the quiet, peaceful atmosphere, we need the silent hours, we need the friendship and the love for each other.
We have the perfect setting for a good simple, yet complicated life here at our magick spot. And I´m grateful every morning I wake up here. It is magick itself to live here.
It is like a great adventure to experience this bliss of the everyday. We live in the present moment because we can´t change the past, and we have yet to discover our future.
Today, I worked with my Book of Shadows for a couple of hours, wrote two blog posts, and celebrated my sweet little, ten year old dog. It has been one of the better days with only a few hints of anxiety.
Now, I´ll be able to sleep well again. My recent attacks were strong, so I´m more tired than usual, and it doesn´t help much to be a Crone with heat flashes.
But my mood is high and happy, and I know I´ll beat the anxiety this time and hopefully for a long while this time. I have everything I need close to me, my loved ones care for me, and I´m an experienced fighter in life.
This is possible only due to my loved ones, my family and friends, and my magick spot on Mother Earth.
This is my safe haven, my home.
Today, my sweet dog Kvik is ten years old. To his tribute here follows a short story from his point of view. He does not speak human, but he speaks dog eloquently with an explicit body language. He is precious to me, my sweet, little, wise companion through thick and thin.
“My name is Kvik (pronounced like the word quick). I´m ten years old today. My Mom asked me to tell my story through her. So I whisper dog into her ear, I´m happy here, Mom. We just finished our first walk of the day, and Dad gave me a toy and a fresh bone.
Now, I´m laying right next to Mom, who caresses me and kisses me on the cheeks and ears. When I look at her with my almond-shaped brown eyes, she melts completely, and we often end up cuddling on the couch.
I became yours, Mom, when I was only eleven weeks old. An adorable puppy, a companion for life, and a loved member of the family, she thought I was. So, I came to her and Dad´s home, and we all went through hell together and found a better way of life.
We live a good life, we animals here. Oh yes, I forgot to tell you about my three philosophical friends, the cats who, during the day, resides in their outside den. In the evening, they come back in, and we all four curl up and get treats and lots of love from our Mom and Dad.
I taught Mom and Dad dog long before they understood that I might not speak human, but I most certainly understand their tone and voice. And I know in my heart and soul that they love me as much as I love them. It is called unconditional love, and it is a bond that lasts longer than life itself.
I´m of mixed breeding, a bit Foxterrier, a bit Danish-Swedish Farm Dog, I have a child´s energy, I´m an experienced rat chaser, I love to go for long walks with Mom and Dad, and I know how to make tricks to get treats.
I´m seventy years old in human terms of age, so I´m a fully mature dog who at times believe that I´m twelve feet high, when somebody rings the doorbell or passes in the street outside my garden. Then I bark, but I´m really saying that this is my house, my garden, what do you want?
My time here on Mother Earth is short, but there is still time to enjoy life, to play, and to be loved deeply. I walk at my own pace now, but yet I sniff in the wind and lift my front paw to show that something is going on.
I can sit on my behind and look so sweet, so hungry, so give me, give me, give me. I can throw a tantrum when a fly is chasing me, but 99,9 percent of the time, I´m happy, content, and grateful. I have a good life indeed, here animals are famiilars and family members like Mom and Dad.
Mom and Dad have no children, but we animals are here for them. I will guard them with my life, for here I have a safe haven always. On Monday, I will go to the vet for a full manicure and pedicure for the first time in this Corona era.
We walk more now. Mom and Dad love our walks, where we sometimes greet the three black, brown, and white cows on the field behind our local grocery store. Or when we go to the nearby forest along the creek.
Tonight, Dad will prepare a steak for me. I love to eat steaks bite for bite. I usually roll on the floor after such a treat, for then I know that we are celebrating and having fun together. Now I will ask my Mom to write this down for me, knowing that although she does not speak dog, she understands me deep in her body, mind, and soul.”
With Kvik´s wise thoughts, I wish you, dear readers and followers, a blessed problem-free weekend.
I will return later today with my thoughts about life in general, as it shows itself here at my magick spot on planet Earth. Until then, I will work with my Book of Shadows, take pictures of the garden, and send out a wish to the Universe.
I wish from the bottom of my heart that this day continues, as it has begun.
With the celebration of the little, wise dog, the writing of a blog post to his honor, and the complete lack of any signs of anxiety.
As I will it, so mote it be.
The expression a year and a day have ancient roots. I´m in my fourth year as a witch, as a Crone, as a mature woman. And I have begun my journey as a writer in public both here on this blog and with my current novel projects.
Today, it is one year and a day for my first real blog post. One hundred forty-three blog posts later, it is chilly and rainy, but also sunny, morning with a whole day to see, hear, taste, smell, and touch life in its many and often mysterious ways.
In the beginning, I was nervous and wanted to show some knowledge and experience with both the writing and the witchcraft in my life. So my main focus was on delivering something useful written in a reader-friendly way. And to do it fast, meaning that my blog should be worth visiting at any given time.
High targets, I know. Nevertheless, when I look back today and see how both the blog and I personally have grown from anxious to confident, I´m proud and happy for this window to the world. It is a privilege to be read and to receive comments and likes.
At the same time, this is also a sort of online diary, at least now and then, where I have the opportunity to write about my feelings during a pandemic era. I need to rant a little every day, but on my better days I write, on my bad days I write, and on mixed days like yesterday I write.
Writing has a calming and relaxing effect on me, and it is so addictive, once you have begun writing in public. Knowing that people read me, and they keep on doing it, makes me happy and proud. Witchcraft soothes my body, mind, and soul to a degree where it is a chosen lifestyle.
I´m in the middle of the process of writing not only one novel, but actually four. The last three are yet at the table of good ideas, but I can feel them grow baby-step by baby-step. It is harder to write a novel than I thought at first glance.
But that doesn´t stop me at all; I work harder and try to nail things down at the moment I get the idea. So there are all sorts of binders, notebooks, and writing gear around me in whatever I do. As there are witchcraft items, spells, and rituals everywhere in my life.
A year and a day after the launching of this blog, it feels like a great adventure with many lessons yet left to learn. And I´m grateful that my readers and followers are still here with me. My wish for the next year and a day is that this blog continues to grow at a steady pace. So mote it be.
Next Friday, my little wise, old dog will be ten years old. So a short story from his point of view may be fiction, but with a whole life filled with joy and laughter behind the real scenes here in my little big house, my husband´s beautiful garden, and on the daily walks.
Until then, may your week be merry and blessed with positive things, dear readers and followers.
A year ago today, I began the journey of not only writing on my blog but also trying to keep up with the more technical issues, the editing, and the contact with my readers and followers. I was deeply intimidated, shy, and scared that nobody would like my writing.
Now, I´m proud and happy. It was the right decision to write here. I relax after writing and enjoy both likes and comments. Thank you for your patience, your understanding, and your time. It is an honor to write for you.
The mechanical parts will have to wait a while. My feelings about life in general and especially in a pandemic era, my current health, and my body, mind, and soul tell me that it is okay to do things at your own pace.
There will be plenty of time next fall and winter to learn the necessary stuff. Meanwhile, this blog continues as a mixture of writing, witchcraft, and an online diary. I have yet to begin planning my activities for the next seasons.
Tomorrow, I will write about the second part of my anniversary, where the writing itself began for real. Tonight, I send you my best energy and lots of thoughts. Take care wherever you are. The time is different now, the terms have changed, and we all have to take good care of ourselves and each other.
Spells in the afternoon.
Sitting in the yard, in the shadow next to the shed. The weather is perfect, however a bit hot, 27 degrees Celsius, app. eighty degrees Fahrenheit.
The birds sing about the joy of summer, and they do their flight training right above us.
Yes, it is truly summer, the day is free to do whatever we please. So I decided to write outside on a hot summer morning, on the cell phone, trying to show the feeling of freedom, inner peace, and deep relaxation here at my little big spot on Mother Earth.
The first day of this week without this inner anxious restlessness, the feeling of freedom is again present.
It is a major relief after four days in a row where every sense seemed to amplify and distort everything I tried to do to get better.
My common sense tells me that it is only natural to feel more anxious in times of trouble. Nevertheless, I don´t feel it that way that easily.
My anxiety disorder is treated as good as possible. Which means that I´m happy and content with only experiencing perhaps five percent of what anxiety might have been without treatment.
I wouldn´t wish for my worst enemy to have to go through life with anxiety and panic attacks as unwelcome guests at any time or place.
I never become best friends with my anxiety. It disturbs my everyday, it takes its toll on my personal strength, and it annoys me when I least expect it to.
But sitting outside in the garden on such a beautiful day with coffee, listening to the sweet tunes from the swallow, the blackbird, and the wagtail, immediately removes and releases any kind of negativity.
I´m okay now, Self.
The mild, cool, and comfortable summer breeze nourishes my body, mind and soul. My husband and the little wise, old dog rest right next to me. And even the local traffic behaves itself for the moment.
I´m working with my new spell book these days of mixed emotions. It seems to be a calming and soothing activity, although I don´t work with ritual when I have hard mental work to do.
It is creative, too, because I get new ideas along the way. I get a close look into my Book of Shadows at the same time. And I enjoy making my own recipes.
I´m also planning an inventory day where I will go through my witchcraft stock. Especially my two witchy kitchen cabinets need a makeover.
This weekend would be a perfect time to do just that, so that I once again get to know what´s hidden in the shadows of cabinets and boxes which ooze out mystery and sacred wisdom.
A wise friend taught me how to rest between breaks, to evaluate, and to recover and gather breaks.
For quite some time now, I´m at a slower pace than I´m used to. It is important to me to be able to un-stress my mind as often as possible, and to do that I need to withdraw every now and then.
I´m outside as much as I feel ready to be. But sometimes it is more soothing to stay inside despite the weather conditions.
It is an uneven fight these days. And I feel rather tired mentally. I get my seven or eight hours of sleep every night, so physically I´m okay.
I wish I could let go of that anxiety as easily as I can let go of issues from the past.
But anxiety knows its own ways best, and the most important thing to do about it is to try to accept that it is here to stay whether I like it or not.
Yet I find myself fighting harder than ever. My attacks are strong with an extremely sensitive nature.
My senses are overloaded to a degree where one part of me wants desperately to get away from that eerie feeling of extreme discomfort, both physically and mentally.
Another part of me knows the impossible in the situation, andddd tries to follow the twists and turns of this untamed roller coaster.
It can take from a few seconds, to a couple of minutes, to hours to recover from those out-of-nowhere attacks.
Then follow the days behind the scenes, where I recover further by taking my strict precautions for not risking worse attacks and longer recovery time.
I´m on day three until mow. Monday and Tuesday were long and tough to go through. The last couple of days have been acceptable, but today´s my favorite.
May your weekend be blessed with sunshine, happiness, and soothing relaxation, dear readers and followers. So mote it be.
My Litha Energy Bottle consists of herbs and crystals associated with abundance, happiness, prosperity, and good luck (carnation, lavender, saffron, lemongrass, citrine, sunstone, amber, and tiger´s eye).
Add a few drops of rose oil and leave it out in the sun all Litha day. Recharge with regular sunlight. I have it right next to my work spaces together with a spell bottle for creativity.
My Summer Solstice ritual was very peaceful and relaxing with honest Tarot cards which spoke about hard work ahead. They correspond well to my current trouble with my anxiety.
For, of course, my anxiety has returned these last two days. To a degree where I had to stay inside for dinner despite fantastic weather and good people around the table.
But I did manage to go out to the Midsummer bonfire tonight. I sat there for a couple of hours and enjoyed the friendly and funny conversation with my family and friends for life.
It is short today, due to my current recovery from two major anxiety attacks which have haunted me for two days in a row now. I´m extremely sensitive to sounds, sights, and touch.
It makes me tired, so tonight I´m going to bed early, in the hope that tomorrow will be a better day. When I feel better, I will return with my usual positive outlook.
It is one of these muggy summer days. It is just before Midsummer. And a thunderstorm with positive odds for regular cloudbursts. Whenever during the day and the night.
I´m in my creative den with fast-going music in my ears, fresh coffee coming up, and a mood in the higher end of the scale between highs and lows.
I will collect storm and summer rain water later today. To use in magick when the summer is long gone, and months in hibernation await me inside my dream house.
After this blog post, I will create a beautiful, mindful, and healing Summer Solstice witchcraft ritual. Where we celebrate the greatness of the Sun and its life-giving warmth. On next Sunday morning.
The news are turned off, there are no signs of any anxiety attempts, and from my writing spot the beauty of summer in my husband´s yard nourishes my eyes and my soul.
The air feels dense and constricting. The rain warms up the show with minor showers now and then. A cooling and relaxing bath in the afternoon will be a pleasant experience.
The outside world seems so far away even though its only a few feet way physically. We live up to a busy road, and the next phases in the re-opening of Denmark create more noise, more activity, and more stress.
But I´m prepared now. My choice with a higher dose of anxiety medicine has been a major success until now. I feel less stress, and my body relaxes easier.
I still get a few moments of unrest, but that is particularly when I either watches the news or something unexpected happens too fast around me. Anyway, I´m able to control the most part of it, at last.
During the week, I have been re-arranging and decorating my Book of Shadows. I have also been offline for I needed a break from the issues of the world today.
I can´t believe it is Midsummer already. How time flies so hastily that it can be hard to find the right pace for the soul to keep just a little bit up with this never-ending ticking clock of life.
This Spring has been the longest in my life so far. However, the summer races along as were the Devil in its tail. Soon, it is my birthday again, and another year has passed by even faster than usual.
On June 30, I have one year anniversary with this blog. It has changed during the journey from a troubled world to a pandemic world. I have changed personally, too.
But I stick to my core values and ideas with this. There will be more structure again. Just don´t know when right now. It feels better to just write these months, perhaps even years.
After all, it is a personal blog where I from the beginning clearly stated that this is a pagan space where concepts like witchcraft and writing would have the highest priority.
And where my personal inputs are visible, as if there were music in my words. I need to listen to and preferably play music every day. It helps me create the right mood in my different writings.
At the moment, I´m working with yet another idea for a novel. It is only two sentences long just now, but I know the words will come, e.g. around a bonfire in the garden.
This one will be written in my native born language, Danish, whereas the first novel will be in American English. Because I can, and to honor my grandmother to my mother´s side for being born American.
I can see now that my deadline for December 31 2020 may be way too short for me. But I will present at least a quarter of my novel because I have outlined enough for that.
My imagination was surpassed for three months by the outside world. It shook me for a while, it still try to haunt me, and yet, I´m ready to write a lot again.
I also want to create more solitary rituals, where I can work in-depth with my Book of Shadows, subject by subject. My biggest book project so far, which now contain five ring binders and eight Sabbath ritual books.
There is a lot of work and countless hours left building my Book of Shadows. I´m only done with about half the pile of ideas and chapters that is written in its temporary index.
It´s more than a hobby. It´s a choice of lifestyle, a path for the rest of my life, and a safe haven to rely upon in times of trouble. Witchcraft is as much a must here as is writing and living a simple, yet complicated life.
Just before a thunderstorm, there is tension and chaos in the air. The fire is awaiting in the lightning, the earth is preparing for the intake of water, which the weather forecasts warn about.
The elements are in motion, together, and Spirit, the life-force is keeping it all together in a symphonic harmony with Mother Nature. I´ll raise the stakes by gathering my storm water in the midst of the storm itself.
I´ll use the power of the storm in my magick after Midsummer and the Summer Solstice. I follow the rhythms of Nature throughout the year, and one of my methods are the use of collected rain water in my rituals.
Now it is time for some magick planning. And to wish you, dear readers and followers, a fantastic weekend with positive and life-affirming moments of joy, freedom, and happiness.
I will write about my Summer Solstice ritual on Midsummer´s Night next week. And then on Friday, I may surprise you with something different, perhaps even a short story, if I manage to write it in a presentable way.
The difference between a first draft and the novel in the end is only the hours used behind the scenes. The path is often long and lonely, but nothing compares to the feeling of fulfillment when the writing is done.
May the world by tomorrow know its full potential rather than pessimistic news, social unrest, and human stupidity. As we people will it, so mote it be.
Yesterday, I was about to begin writing this blog post. Then it happened. I got out into the outside world. Found decent clothes to a decent price. Not a single sign of anxiety at all, not even when in the car.
Yesterday, I was proud of my Self. I actually came out and met the outside world after months of voluntary home quarantine, except from the daily walks with the little, old, wise dog and local shopping.
But there´s is no place like home. My afternoon rest is changed to writing mode. I feel safe and comfortable again. Because I was on high alert all morning yesterday, and I need to rant a bit.
Being cautious is becoming a more and more rare event. People all over the world are acting as if we lived in the times before the Corona virus. To disobey in public is so commonly happening that it is boring.
Why, oh why, won´t people begin to think twice and stop acting out like crazy? As if there wasn´t enough trouble already, as if the shit is only about to hit the fan, pardon my French.
Yesterday evening, more than 200 cars filled with people in the mood for an illegal street race gathered in the outskirts of my little town. They got caught and fined, for we can only gather fifty people at a time just now.
No, there´s absolutely no place like home left outside my house and my garden. Here we treat each other with respect, here we are loyal to our last breath, here we communicate and thrive.
Everywhere else is no place for me. No thank you, I prefer being at home to a degree that is impossible to describe. I´m so grateful that I´m early retired and able to do exactly that, stay at home as much as possible.
Shopping trips are carefully planned so we only have to go when it is necessary. And it is a good time to shop in the morning after the worst traffic jams and hectic being busy stuff.
I´m allergic to involuntary stress due to outside factors, especially the human one. I use so much strength to come through it, so I try to keep it at the lowest possible level.
Yesterday, I had my husband and my two closest friends with me on the trip. It is necessary with help because I don´t drive myself anymore. I have had a couple of serious anxiety attacks behind the wheel.
Therefore, I don´t want to drive and risk it again ever. But it is a small price to pay, and my two friends and family members are sweet to drive for me when I need to go out further than I can walk.
The trip went fine, but there´s no place like home. I have now used a day to vent and to think of everything else but the trip. The important thing was to get through it as the better me.
And it was a success. My visit with with counselor yesterday morning outside in the garden was also interesting. I have been offered to try acupuncture needles in my ears (NADA) and to use a special light lamp.
I have tried both before in my life, and I can only recommend it to others. It´s safe and extremely effective. So it´ll be good to try it again when it is possible and also completely free (in Denmark we pay high taxes instead).
I decided to write my blog post today instead because my energy level was pretty low after the trip. But that is to be expected, and besides, I write better when there is less adrenaline racing through my body.
Today, I have been playing with a sweet four-year-old girl. We also went to the new playground that has been built over the last couple of weeks for the children of our little town.
My writing session is to the sound of children having fun in the garden. And my good results with the extra medicine continue, I haven´t felt so good in months, even years.
There is no place like home when it has to do with learning to live well with an anxiety disorder and being bipolar at the same time. I know that exposure to whatever frightens you often can be an effective strategy.
But it also has to mix well with the main parts of my life that is lived right here, at home. So for me it is a conscious choice only to go out when I have to. I don´t miss the previous stress levels in my life at all.
And I prefer being around a small number of people in my everyday because I need to concentrate and direct my energy when I´m around people, even those close to me.
I feel boxed in with too many people around me like in a shopping mall, and I try to get away from them and the chaos of sounds, voices, and visual impressions that often is the tough reality to deal with.
Therefore, careful planning and preparation is an absolute must here, before we engage in any outward activity with me involved. But it´s never an issue, here we help each other through the difficult stuff.
No place like home when I for once is proud of the better me who proved her worth yesterday. Tomorrow, a seven-year-old girl is to play and have fun here. And I love it, no matter how tired I am the remains of the day.
As for today, however, the big master plan is to relax and do as little as possible. To enjoy life to its fullest, to wear new clothes after a long hot bath, and to prepare for a week with the promise of summer.
May your weekend bring you joy, happiness, and love, dear readers and followers. Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again. As we will it, so mote it be.
Sitting on the couch in my living room on an on and off sunny early afternoon, I feel comfortable and safe. I´m home where I prefer to be, and that not only due to a pandemic.
Denmark raises the number of people allowed to gather together tomorrow to fifty people, and all indoor sports activities are included. There are to be many more little by little re-openings.
From my window to the world, it is a great experiment where many things can and will go wrong. And I know we have to begin somewhere. But I still believe it´s just the silence before the storm.
The weather forecast speaks of heavy rains and regular cloudbursts for this afternoon. I´m awaiting the storm with calm in my body, mind, and soul. For the rain will soothe my thoughts of the outside world.
To a point where it doesn´t matter so much. I need not go anywhere if I don´t feel ready for that. But eventually, I will do it. With the strictest of precautions, for I don´t trust people that easily.
From my window to the world, I have my good reasons for such a statement. I have known many different people, but always ended up only trusting a minimal few besides myself.
The human factor is the most unpredictable fact to consider when speaking about leaving my home and entering society in a larger scale than I´m used to for months.
So when we plan the day when we go shopping for new clothes, it will be early in the morning, shortly after the shop has opened, for I want to go when there are as few people as possible in the streets.
And it will be a quick and efficient visit. I don´t want to be out there for longer than I have to. No, this is my refuge, my sanctuary. Here I feel for the first time in my life that I belong. This is home. This is bliss.
Living quite isolated makes me feel secure. I have been around many people a lot of my time earlier in life, and now this simple, yet complicated lifestyle suits me best.
Here I thrive, I grow mentally and emotionally, and I live my life. Enjoy every day as were it my very last one. Always keen on learning new tricks along the path, for who said that an old dog cannot be taught.
My sweet little, wise, old dog knows how to shake paws, can sit on his behind with his front paws high up in the air, and can still mark an area as his own with great enthusiasm.
And can he, so can I learn new tricks. One of them is to remain in control of my anxiety disorder, so that it doesn´t control me instead. And until now, the medicine has done its part.
I´m mentally released. At least for a while, as this pandemic continues to turn everything upside down. I notice the behavior of other people, and I take my strict precautions. Then no one can do more.
Besides, it is becoming so rare an event that I leave my local area for very long periods of time. I have no need for it, unless it is for buying new clothes, as Mother Nature changes, so doesmy body.
Being fifty years old, I´m happy and content with my looks, my life, and my path of writing and witchcraft. But occasionally, the old clothes need to be replaced by something more practical and comfortable.
But I´m confident that it will be a good trip, once it is well over and done with. Because I know then that it will be another good long while before yet another trip to the outside world.
From my window to the world, today is dedicated to writing some leftover notes that need to go into my Book of Shadows. To planning a Full Moon ritual, and to re-read my material for my novel until now.
The painting must wait until tomorrow, for my arthritis and my mood are to finish some loose ends rather than beginning new projects. So it is with plans and ideas. Sometimes it is a go, other times it is a no.
Today is no to racism in every form, no to stupid people doing stupid things, and no to do more than absolutely necessary all day long. But it is a yes to life as it comes, with all its blessings and challenges.
I´m leaving my window to the world for now. The remains of the evening will be spent being as comfortable as possible, doing what I love the most, and thinking on nothing and everything at the same time.
Now that the medicine is back on track, the thundering, racing thoughts are present, however silent. I don´t mind them in the present moment, and they haven´t been annoying me for almost two weeks now.
Freedom has come instead. Freedom from anxiety and feeling of constant stress. I want this to continue, so I will work with it in my Full Moon ritual on Tuesday.
And with these words, dear readers and followers, I will wish you a productive, life-enriching and happy week. I will be back on Friday to let you know how everything´s going around my spot on Mother Earth.
On a quiet summer evening, it is soothing and relaxing to know that my GP agreed on a higher dose of anxiety medicine. For I know it will help me conquer my anxiety sooner or later.
Day nine with this dose, and only a few attempts to shake my world has been the direct effect. I have also slept markedly better, and I feel I have a little more energy for the things I love to do.
The weather changed abruptly yesterday. Yet another rainy and cold day after more than a week with the temperature of summer all day long. I feel instantly the change in my lower back.
So I have been busy recovering from devilish back pain that comes and goes as it pleases. It´s been a while without back problems. Usually, my knees are making the greatest spectacle.
On a quiet summer evening, it feels comfortable to write about the little things in life that often matter the most. No shaking all over the body, no increased heartbeat, and no fight to keep calm and relax.
To me, to be free from anxiety is bliss. I have been fighting it for so long now that it almost feels as were I on a long-term vacation. Knowing that the trees don´t grow into heaven for a reason, I´m content for now.
This weekend, I will use my newfound energy on creating a beautiful Full Moon ritual for Tuesday next week, on a new painting, and on the work with my novel that has been postponed long enough now.
Tonight, I will relax the whole evening doing as little as possible. Then I know that tomorrow will be just as I want it to be. Filled with sparkling creativity, happy laughter, and deep conversations.
On a quiet summer evening, a thunderstorm is lurking in the clouds coming from the west. It just cycles around us, as would it tell us who is the most powerful.
With a little luck, there will be fresh rainwater to collect tomorrow morning. To be used in sacred witchcraft rituals and to water the house plants.
I need to go through my witchcraft supplies once more. I have bought a few things that need to go into my inventory list. Or else I risk to forget about them due to the fact that I could easily open an old curiosity shop.
I literally have everything I need and even more so. I feel privileged, but I also earned most of it by hard work, years of deprivation, and tears. It is my fortune, but nothing comes without a price.
On a quiet summer evening, I think of my ancestors and bow my head in gratitude. I think of my rainbow family and my friends and smile. I´m happy and content with my life.
I met the outside world yesterday at the hairdresser´s. It was okay, but I was happy to be home shortly after. I´m not changing my behavior, I still take my strict precautions when in public.
Soon, we are to get out and buy new clothes. I need to prepare myself thoroughly, for I don´t feel safe for long in the outside world. And I´m not sure whether that feeling is permanent or at least of long-term duration.
But I know it will be without risk of anxiety attacks because I will use every strategy available on the day, including prescription medicine. I´m definitely not a fan of medicine, unless it is necessary.
It helps me, however. And so it is, then I will use that strategy too. May your weekend be anxiety free, blissful, and memorable, dear readers and followers.
Life is a funny thing. Just as you think you have been through hell and back, you wake up one day and everything turns 360 degrees without prior warning.
I usually compare it with the thought of riding a roller coaster on the loose. As for now, I´m on day seven with being happy and content by living in the present moment.
Eagerly awaiting my first visit since Corona year one with my counselor later this morning. Because he can help me convince my GP that we need a checkup on my anxiety medicine.
And relaxing with some writing about how it feel to beat anxiety fight by fight. There are little ripples on the mental ocean, but they are easily detected, and until now they behave to some degree.
I´m on a life-long journey. And it is an everyday issue to handle with care. Right now, the ride is rough, there is at the same time a higher mood to duel with too, and I feel a bit tired.
But it is only natural to feel tired as things have evolved worldwide. What is the point in meaningless violence, destruction, and negativity in its worst versions?
I try to escape from the news as often as possible. Instead, I look for the involuntary hilarious stories about people doing stupid things. This weekend I found two, and I´m still laughing when I think of them.
The first was about a man who got so angry at a neighbor that he took his bed and placed it in an intersection and went to sleep there. The other story was about a man who was so drunk that he peed in his pants and sat in the cold cuts before he stole two beers and got caught.
So, my mood is bright and clear. I´m having days of high quality. And things are going well here. But I know it is only the beginning of the journey, there will be bad days too.
Then I will try to remember all the funny things I have experienced throughout life and laugh until the tears are rolling down the cheeks. Laughter is healthy.
Riding a roller coaster for the rest of my life is okay, as long as it is possible to control it. I have discovered that my GP has given me the very minimum dose of anxiety medicine.
So, perhaps I´m on a too small dose. But to get him to help me, I need a statement from my counselor. It is a long process, help is not to be taken for granted with my GP.
But I will fight for this. Seven days of freedom from anxiety due to a pill, well, it is a small prize to pay for getting your life back. I know it helps, now I only need to convince my GP about it too.
When I get tired of myself, I look myself in the bathroom mirror. A demanding task at times because looking into my eyes at a time of discomfort is looking into the strictest eyes of my inner judge.
I use the same look in my eyes when I need to tell someone that they are getting too close to my most private sphere. It works immediately. I don´t like to see that expression in eyes too often.
It may sound harsh, but to me it is an effective strategy to pull myself together and face the music, cut through negativity, and keep on the hard work to become the better me.
The last six days, however, there has been no need for such. I am fully convinced that many of my troubles have to do with the low dose of anxiety medicine and too much concern for what others say and do.
I know that prescription medicine is not the only solution. And I don´t want more than necessary. Been there, done with that. But I want to feel much more what I have been feeling for more than a week now.
Life is like a roller coaster at times. But it is okay, as long as the ride is as predictable as possible for I don´t like any surprises along the way. I have had my time with troubles, now I need to live a peaceful life.
As I will it, so mote it be.
Yesterday´s ritual was a ritual between friends and a true witchcraft moment. I had planned the big setup, but we ended up in a close conversation that consolidated a friendship meant for the rest of our lives.
The Tarot cards spoke of both positive and challenging times. I choose to make five readings where the Elements and Spirit/Akasha functioned as theme and thread of consistency throughout the ritual.
Everything on the main altar symbolized the Elements and Spirit/Akasha. Both the Tarot cards and the Witches´ Runes remembered me that I need to align myself to the current situation and to get in tune with the Elements and the spiritual aspects of life, death, and rebirth.
I did the readings alone, after the altar again resembled itself on an ordinary day. But the conversation that became the main ritual was both beautiful and mindfulness in its essence.
We helped each other when I worked with my pendulums that needed cleansing and calibration. And we talked about our experiences in life, especially the challenging ones.
She had made hibiscus tea, and I had bought a box of chocolate. There was patchouli incense, a healing crystal grid for her with a special gift, and full setup of appropriate corresponding altar items.
Our conversation created a unique atmosphere, impossible to transform into words. It completed my day to a point where I could feel freedom from anxiety again.
Two days now, I have taken a higher dose of my anxiety medicine. It is way too early to say anything about whether this works or not for me. But yesterday I felt free for the first time this spring.
I only had a few moments of mild discomfort and was even able to walk the little old, wise dog with a seven-year-old girl whose world changes so quickly that she needs help to get through a rough time.
Another death in my extended family, this time it is challenging to try to teach her to not fear death, but begin to learn that it is a fact that we all come to realize some day.
But so life-affirming to help her to both cry and laugh during one of our conversations that is becoming a tradition, something to look forward to, and a loving bond for as long as we are here on planet Earth.
And in our hearts, minds, and souls for ever.
Conversations like these teach me to listen before I speak, to be brutally honest in a beautiful way, and to dare to trust that I can control my shadow, my invisible strange anxiety friend.
Yes, friend, for I make a poor enemy. I fight to the bitter end, or I become a true friend to trust, to respect, and to share a strange harmony with. I´m the cautious type, so my new friend, anxiety, is yet to be treated as such.
I need to experience a couple of weeks before I more firmly can tell that the medicine has done its part. As for me, I work hard for finding back to the better me, the one who can handle being bipolar, right now at the creative, energizing, and high side of the scale between high and low.
It was a major victory day. The anxiety was tamed most of the day. Now, I enjoy the feeling of happiness, inner peace, a good health, and kindness surrounding me and bringing forth the best version of me instead of the depressed, anxious time period so long that I don´t need to spend as much as a second longer with it.
Conversations make a remarkable difference when the common ground is rooted in real-time friendship, genuine respect for complex personalities, and an extraordinary kind of caring love that is so rare in modern times.
Sharing life with my extended family is bliss. Beating anxiety is freedom. And to have a window to the world here is a privilege. For all of this I´m grateful.
May your weekend be filled with sunshine, happy moments, and inner calm, dear readers and followers. As we will it, so mote it be.
I don´t feel well these days. I have so much anxiety that it hinders me in doing what I love to do. And I feel so intense restlessness and involuntary movements, the last due to side effects from prescription medicine.
So, tomorrow, I will have a longer talk with my counselor, and right thereafter I will contact my GP to ask for a larger dose of my anxiety medicine.
Enough is enough, I´m tired of myself. I know I can beat this anxiety, little by little, and now I don´t want to feel like this for a longer while. Therefore, I have decided to only watch the news once a day.
I can´t accommodate too many bad news at a time. And I can´t do anything to make myself feel better about our crazy world, where way too many people show that they don´t care about anybody but themselves.
Enough is enough, I´m fed up with watching two many people gathering way too close. I know that I need to come out in the world outside my universe here sometime.
But I´m not looking forward to it. I prefer to be at home as much as possible, and now even more so. But I also need to break my free will isolation and get outside to enjoy the more than fair weather.
So, tomorrow morning, it´s time for some serious self-care, including a long hot bath, my favorite perfume, and summer clothes. Before my call with my counselor, for I need to take care of the better me.
I have cut down the amount of rituals this week to only one for Thursday. A solitary ritual concerned mostly with healing, meditation, and casting spells for creativity, inner peace, and renewed energy.
All my life, I have always come to the point where I tell my Self to align itself and pull through with pure stubbornness and will power. I will not give up, no matter the challenge.
It is okay to have a few bad days now and then. But so often as it seems now, I need to do something about it quickly. Today, I have made a list of those chores and creative projects you always talk about but never accomplish.
Unless you say to yourself that now it the time to get away from the couch and be outside in the sun, to write, to draw and paint, or to just be the better me.
This I told myself today. Enough is enough.
My first tour de force out in the outside world will go to a hair dresser and a clothing outlet. My wardrobe needs a full makeover, and I have way to often put myself aside and helped other people more than I have helped myself.
This is shadow work to me when it is a brutally honest and real-time experience. It is liberating to sit and write again, I will write about my ritual Friday, and thereby I´m also announcing that I will continue posting on Fridays.
What´s in between, dear readers and followers, is my life´s adventure for better or worse. When I´m good and ready, I will share some of my material from my novel to hopefully receive constructive criticism.
That´s my plan for the fall. This longest spring in my life is to be released by the summer season. Here I need to work in depth with my novel. I need to write some scenes from different parts of the novel.
So that the plot feels like watching a movie. Then I will cue and cut my characters into a team of fictive people with a strong layer of realism covering it.
And try to show and to tell a story at the same time. A difficult task, but not impossible. It takes countless loads of hard work, many hours of thinking, writing, and doubting.
And longer periods where the work with the novel is stilled due to my anxiety. It is no longer acceptable to me to fight so hard so often. It takes precious time from the rest of my life.
Enough is enough.
Especially because I´m generally in a very good mood indeed. I´m not sad, I´m not unhappy, I´m not underestimating the real power behind an anxiety disorder when there is something going on in the world.
It is difficult right now. From chaos and lockdown to reopening and taking new risks meeting other people. To not know whether this is of a temporary or more permanent character.
And at the same time, I live with perfect conditions. I don´t need too many changes, although I acknowledge that change is inevitable. But nobody need the bullshit all at once, pardon my French.
Then comes Corona-virus along and all the trouble in its wake. And my anxiety woke up and kicked me to hell and back. Now enough is enough. I don´t have time for more of this.
Tonight, I will work with some witchcraft notes about the old times where a certain spell saved the day. It is so relaxing to be a witch, and I will make a both beautiful and sacred ritual for Thursday.
Enough is also enough here. Please take care of yourself, wherever you are. I return Friday evening with a blog post filled with positive energy, healing intentions, and inner peace.
Where the anxiety rules my world. Where the best I can do is to stay at home, inside most of the day, wearing a simple housecoat over casual clothes. And where everything feels like riding a roller coaster on the loose.
The ups are fewer than the downs, and I so intense hate this creepy feeling as if were a cloak silently surrounding me and swept tight around me in a quick, sharp, and extremely uncomfortable way.
Especially when my mood has changed into the faster and more creative phase.
Then it is one of those days.
Where I use the whole day to try to touch the better me. So that my anxiety level for the evening is under appropriate control by me rather than racing thoughts, physical shaking, and hypersensitivity to sounds and light.
I have been outside with the little wise, old dog twice today, but I stayed outside our local shop. More people, more going on, more movement.
Too many things to sort out to be able to sit on a bench and enjoy the sun. But I managed it, and I have just enjoyed a bonfire in the garden with my husband at my side.
Now, he´s taking a long hot bath, the dog and the cats are all around me, and I think back to a couple of hours with a fine little girl who is writing and drawing her first books.
She is seven years old.
She can read now. The next step is to learn to write. We have spent countless hours studying homework for a year now. What a privilege to be lucky enough to teach what life has taught me.
Always be true to yourself. Always keep on getting back on the feet after being down, and always see the world through a positive outlook.
I cherish my settings, moods, and even anxiety, when after a long day, finally, it all calms down mentally. It is a true moment of inner peace, immediate relaxation, and absolute freedom from anxiety.
Now, there is no signs of anxiety, I´m no longer tense and sensitive, and a day filled with little attempts to annoy me has become early evening.
Now, I´m able to do what anxiety has kept me from today.
Yes, it is one of those days where it could have been better, but everything is okay, nothing is wrong, it is just me trying to adapt to a changed world. I see people different now.
I watch the news, sigh, and try to live my life the best possible way. Today has been a day with self-care, contemplation, and a constant search for this feeling of quiet calm that is in my body, mind, and soul as I write this.
The outside world must take care of itself for now. For a few hours, I will work with some old and some new witchcraft notes. Early tomorrow, I will enjoy the beauty of the garden, the inner yard behind our house.
Then it is time for yet another counseling call. We will talk about how the coming visits will have to be regarding safety and responsibility. And I will tell my counselor that I´m grateful for the possibility of getting help.
It is not to be taken for granted, and right now, worldwide, my thoughts go to those who are anxiety warriors like me. It is one of those days where it is okay to be brutally honest about the fears behind the anxiety.
End of rant.
Still recovering from the price of anxiety as a life-long companion, I´m in the best of moods, however.
Getting better by the day, this has become my new motto. I have several physical and mental ailments to live with, whatever I like it or not. But I don´t mean to sound complaining.
I live a happy life with an exceptional family, the one that we created ourselves, not the biological one as the only guiding line. I have everything I need close by.
And I know I can trust my true friends and allies in this ever so crazy world. They have my back and I have theirs. Sharing our lives is a major privilege for which I´m deeply grateful.
This is also me, the one who writes about witchcraft and writing as well.
I began this blog writing that my personality would shine through my writing. And I write the truth about my experiences, my dreams, and my goals with this blog.
There is room for pagan stuff, the love for writing, and a personal diary.
Things change, people change. I have changed, too. The time before Corona seems so far away these days. Being grateful and enjoying life is not new to me.
But now, I enjoy life to its fullest with what is available in the present moment. I´m grateful on a daily basis, and I´m not afraid to show it. The world is a changed place.
Although it seems more and more that people are getting careless and have enough in themselves again. We´re not through this yet, and it may take so much longer, because too many didn´t care.
They can do whatever they want, as long as it is possible for me to be careful, I will keep taking my strict precautions when in public. I don´t need to be sick, I don´t need to pretend everything is normal.
Everything is not normal, and it is apparently too difficult to have to make a few sacrifices so that we all could get through this with as few casualties as possible.
So I remain at home whenever I can. I love my life here and don´t need to go back to the world in the past. We can´t change the past anyway. So I have taught myself to be creative with what I already have.
My father doesn´t seem to care, either. I can only sigh and say whatever. It is his own choice to behave with egocentric attitude and I-want-it-all- right- here-and-now manners-
It is also to see a bipolar mind without medication and therapy. No funny at all. But I won´t let it spoil my day, so I turn off the news, release my thoughts about my father, and work with some creative projects.
Like naming a wheelbarrow Trille (in Danish a wheelbarrow is called a tril-le-boer) as today´s picture shows, taking pictures of the flowers in the garden, and working with this blog post.
Diversion is one of my many strategies to handle anxiety in an unpredictable world. Another is to take the time necessary to do things. I always work in my own pace.
I can´t change careless behavior in anyone but myself. So I do what we have been asked to do, and I live by our own strict guidelines for appearance in public and for the coming counselor visits.
It will be with a six feet distance, outside in the garden, with rubbing alcohol close by. I got another year of counseling, so I´m happy and feel safe for just now and the summer to come.
At the moment, I have quite a few mood swings from day to day. So getting better by the day means literally by the day. I can only manage a day at a time, so much depends on my mood on the day of something.
I may have to stay inside the house because it is overwhelming to be around anybody. I may have to eat alone some days because the inner turmoil just feels too much for me to be in any social situation.
Or I may, as today, be in a pleasant and happy mood where nothing feels wrong. But every time I beat the anxiety, it is a major victory. Today, I have won the first three rounds already, so it is one of the good days.
We have just been on our afternoon walk with the little wise, old dog. He is happy, with his tail all curled up, eating a treat right now. We will have a barbecue dinner with our neighbors and their children in a few hours from now.
But until then, I stay inside to write and to calm myself down. It was tough to be outside in the stressed world, even for a short walk. Today, I don´t need too many people and too many things going on around me.
It took some time before I learned to be so open with my ailments that I now speak frankly about it with my family and close friends. But it is necessary, otherwise they will not know how to be around me.
They also know that it is not personal issues that keep me from being social on a day like today, with sunshine, a beautiful garden, and a privileged life where I practically can do whatever I want.
As long as it is inside our financial, mental and common limits. Then, living on a budget becomes a fun and happy event. I would rather wait for the right offer than would I race to shopping malls with lend money.
Over the next couple of days I plan to create two or three delicate solitary rituals where there will be time to meditate over ways to conquer the anxiety, to contemplate about life, and to do some self-healing work.
If you forget about yourself and your needs, you won´t be able to do anything, neither for other people or yourself. And my body always tell me when it is time for some serious self-care.
Next week, I will enjoy the rituals and I can´t wait to feel the good and positive energy that working with witchcraft teaches me to obtain by using little, sometimes big and delicate, rituals in the everyday.
To have something to rely on spiritually, to be able to get in touch with the better me, and to tune my body, mind, and spirit in to the rhythms of Nature and Mother Earth.
My novel is under extended research, and I have come to a point where I need to write and rewrite a lot. I don´t edit yet, I simply write a paragraph at a time and read it out aloud to hear if it sounds right.
If not, I continue with new paragraphs until I´m satisfied and is able to work the different pieces into something worth reading. I also need to make myself a portable bag with a notebook, a ball pen, and my cell phone to record my thoughts when outside in the garden.
And I need to buy new canvasses for painting online when it is payday again soon. So next week will be busy, where this one is concerned with relaxation, contemplation, and self-care.
Getting better by the day definitely also means being creative and content with the everyday. With all the change going on outside this house and garden, I´m happy to live as stable and predictable as possible.
My everyday is simple, yet complicated. Simple, because stress is so unnecessary if you only make a few, but elementary changes in lifestyle. Complicated, because the outside world can be so invasive mentally.
I´m okay, Self. It is going well with the little ones in daycare, kindergarten, and school. We do what we can to avoid getting sick. And I´m working with a possible correction of some of my prescription medicine.
I´ll wait for a couple of weeks, before I make an appointment with my GP with the aid from my counselor, because my GP is the stubborn type that seldom do anything except with an extra voice in the matter.
But if this long period of anxiety time continues, I´m willing to change the dosage of my anxiety medicine. It consumes too much of my precious time, and it is exhausting for the body to be so tense for so long periods.
Getting better by the day takes time, hard work, and a lot of self-insight. But it is worth the trouble, my strategies help me more and more. Let it be so and better tomorrow, so mote it be.