Recovery once more

What a week! I´m mentally drained because we had to strengthen our boundaries toward someone we once trusted. Under no circumstances whatsoever will I or my loved ones accept lies, rude behavior, and being taken for granted.

If someone then contacts us and tries to threaten or trick us into something, well, then there is nothing left to say or to give. It becomes a matter of personal freedom, self-respect, and standing firm and direct.

My counselor straightforwardly pinpointed the matter yesterday. I need to recover as quickly as possible by thinking of anything but the person. I´m grateful knowing that I have done it many, many times in my life before. And therefore, I also know that recovery once more will be just fine.

Besides that, the week was marked by me running out of prescription medicine on a national holiday, where neither the GP or the pharmacy was available. So, I had some tough days readjusting to my usual treatment.

And yet, everything just fine because our friend and my old father come tomorrow for a couple of hours. I haven´t seen my father since August 2020, so it is a long-awaited visit that I have longed for many months now.

My husband has been busy in the garden this morning. Now, he and the little wise, old dog sleep peacefully on the couch while the philosophical cats eat, play, and jump around the house. I was drinking coffee with an exceptional person in my life.

We have reconnected with her and her husband during the last couple of weeks, and it feels good, beautiful, and life-affirming to have done that. Well, life may close one door, but then another opens. And my plan is to stick to exactly that and follow my path wherever it takes me.

Later tonight, we will meet again for coffee and cakes to discuss a personal matter. To enjoy each other´s company, and to laugh about the old times and all the craziness in this world. And I already know that it will be a great experience.

My writing process is slow but indeed becoming a preferred escape from the trivialities of life. I´m almost done with my notes so that I can print them next week when my new printer arrives. And I´m using a whiteboard to keep control of my ideas and thoughts for my novels.

The witchcraft part of my life will also be prioritized next week. My husband and I need a beautiful, simple ritual to be able to let go of a long time of negativity caused by someone who proved to be anything but a friend.

But my mood is okay, thank you. I won´t let my good mood be spoiled by someone who ain´t worth my attention. I try to immerse myself in little creative projects. Today, my diamond painting of two beautiful bald eagles finally arrived.

Now, there is something to work with whenever the thoughts begin to fly too high for me to think correctly. And there are also creative plans for the next week with my sweet friend. So, everything is on the right track again.

Recovery once again is necessary, however thought-provoking, too. I have realized that I have spent precious time, resources, and energy on toxic people for far too long. But I could stand my ground, primarily because my husband and real friends had my back doing it.

I need to take better care of myself and stop helping others so much that I forget to help myself. I need to take longer breaks from life and relax as much as possible. And I need to regain my focus and concentrate on my novels and my creative lifestyle.

If I don´t, my mind will be a mess that will demand long-term treatment. So my counselor was extremely clear and directly encouraged me to recover by using every strategy available to me right here, right now.

And I do precisely that now by writing this blog post before my call to my father. Two important tasks to me, and afterward, it is time for a more extended break where I do absolutely nothing at all. My mind has been overwhelmed with massive stress for way too long time.

Stress is unhealthy in every possible form. And stress over long periods is dangerous for both physical and mental health. Therefore, I also know that my recovery will demand time, lots of care, and equal amounts of patience and self-love.

But everything will be better soon. I´m used to fighting my way through life, and I´m prepared this time. It already helps writing this. And I can see on the laptop clock that I need to finish now because it is about time for my call to my dear eighty-three-year-old father.

First, I will make a fresh pot of coffee, knowing that he might do just the same thing. We have had to be together, however apart, for a very long time now. And I simply can´t wait for tomorrow to come. It will be so great to be able to give him a big hug again.

Then I will pick up the cell phone, call him, and enjoy about an hour of father-daughter conversation. We may repeat the words a couple of times, we may often shift between talking and listening, and we may disagree on some issues.

But we stand together and really care. The same thing can be said about my friend and her husband. And my husband and I also share a unique bond that only gets stronger for every hour. Here, we only have room and energy for old-school people who do no harm but take no shit either.

May your weekend be blessed with a stress-free environment, good people in your life, and positive, creative energy, dear readers and followers. May the next week be blessed with joy, happiness, and good times for everybody in this crazy world. As we will it, so mote it be.


An extraordinary Friday in May

Today, I was up before usual. I couldn´t sleep anymore after six o´clock in the morning. So, I got up in due time to prepare myself for yet another trip with the girls. You know, of the old kind, the Crones laughing at the corner as you pass by.

And it was right after my expectations. Extraordinary, calm, and a delightful glimpse of more adventures to come. We went to a local second-hand shop, but their prices were too high, and the quality correspondingly low.

Instead, three of us ended up in a mixture of creativity, a lot of talk about this, that, and everything, and the mandatory fresh brewed cup of coffee. It was fun, inspiring, and filled with the unique energy of two full-grown Crones and one becoming one.

It has been an extraordinary Friday in May, no thanks to the weather gods that is. The wind was chilly, the rain showers were short but intense, and the temperature was everything but typical May sweetness. But nevertheless, we had a good trip together.

The remains of the afternoon I spent with my inkjet printers. Well, they did not want to cooperate at any level despite several serious attempts. Therefore, I looked at our financial situation at this time of the month.

And soon, I bought myself a brand new laser printer with supplies for less than I feared when I began looking up vendors with prices closest to my budget. It is my birthday present, even though my birthday is not due until July 14.

When I see a reasonable offer, I strike. But I only strike if I know that I can afford it, and I don´t buy it if I don´t need it. I need a reliable printer to print out my many notes for my novels. The writing process is about to gain higher speed now.

I had to conquer a nasty flu that fortunately was not the Covid-19 virus. We got tested on Sunday, and what a walk it was. Much longer than I´m used to. But, on the other hand, exercise is healthy, and it is also valuable for your mental health.

Monday, we got the answers, and since then, the week has been busy, fast, and extraordinary. I´m back in the saddle concerning my little creative projects, and this weekend, I plan to work a little bit extra with the notes so that they are ready when the new printer arrives.

And my other major interest, gray witchcraft, will also soon come into practice here. I think that a short, however beautiful, ritual is suitable after a hell of a roller coaster trip this Spring. My life is rocky enough already, thank you, dear Universe.

But, I´m happy to let you know, dear readers and followers, that I´m doing quite well this week. My mood is in the happy-go-lucky corner, with only small attempts from my anxiety to scare the living daylight out of me.

When anxiety strikes, I turn immediately to breathing exercises and creative diversion techniques. I also got my counselor grant renewed for the following year. So it is to be expected that anxiety would try to annoy me.

The bipolar disorder remains remarkably stable. As long as I can gain control of the fast lane with the right combination of prescription medication, therapy, and countless hours of counseling, the changes between highs and lows remain acceptable.

I have now learned to use equal parts of iron will and determination to turn my mood to a preferable one for longer and longer periods; without falling down so low, it is difficult to get straight up again and continue to work with a positive outlook on life.

It has been an extraordinary day in May. I may have had to make a harsh decision this Spring, but deep in my body, mind, and soul, I just know that it was the right one. And even more so, I know that I´m able to back it up with action if necessary.

Tonight, I want to be creative with a homemade set of Tarot cards. The cards need to be laminated so that my typical spill of coffee won´t destroy them. It is the old Marseille Tarot that I work with this year.

It is quiet creative work that doesn´t disturb my husband watching TV. We like to share the evenings, when I don´t write. And I need to have something to do with my hands because I listen to rather than watch TV.

Unless there is a unique program that catches my deep attention. This is extremely rare since I seldom think that the TV of today´s world is worth watching. I prefer so much more to do something creative or to write.

May your weekend be blessed with joy, love, and happiness, dear readers and followers. And may we wake up early to a renewed world tomorrow. As we will it, so mote it be.

Keep on trucking

This week has been blissful, free from trouble whatsoever. The mornings I have spent with my other neighbor, an old friend with whom we have reconnected lately. We know each other from another time, another place.

We are Crones with a significant C. We have seen it all, heard even more, so we know what we want and do not want in our life. What we don´t want is easy to describe. We don´t want toxic people. We don´t want bullshit of any kind, pardon my French. And we don´t want trouble from the outside world.

What we want, yes, that is what truly matters. We want a peaceful and quiet life. We want honest, trustworthy people around us. And we want to be creative with what we already got. She would say keep on trucking and stay positive when the shit hits the fan.

We had to cut the bonds to our closest neighbor next door, whose lifestyle and attitude ha changed in a way that no longer corresponds with what we want to deal with in our lives. And yes, it hurts. A lot. But it is necessary to remain sane and true to ourselves.

I´m almost recovered from my operation. The next hurdle is a meeting next Thursday with my counselor and my social worker. It is time for the once-a-year discussion about renewing my grant to have a counselor from the social psychiatry unit.

I hate such meetings. It feels like preparing for an exam, and I have done my fair share of that already, thank you. But it will pass perfectly. It is just this itchy, uncanny feeling of being examined by somebody who only knows me from what is possible to write in a file.

But I keep on trucking, and after a couple of weeks without writing on my novels, I´m hungry after the rush of feelings after a writing session. So, I probably will continue the work from tomorrow. I was supposed to begin Monday this week.

However, my body, mind, and soul let me know that it was too soon, that I needed more time off just to be me, and that the story needed some space as well. To keep practicing to write every day, I have 3 journal prompts for every day of the year.

If I feel that I cannot write for some reason, I turn to these prompts, and more often than never I end up writing my heart out shortly after. Now, I have had plenty of time to think my novels through, and I´m more than ready to take up the challenge and write again.

This weekend, I will be preparing myself for another trip no the outside world. This time it is all about flowers for my husband´s garden. It will be with the old, experienced girls again. But it will be a satisfactory experience, I´m sure of that.

Looking out at the world, it seems crazier than ever. People keep behaving terribly. I must admit that I simply don´t understand this eternal desire to live in the past. So many complain about necessary restrictions. We can´t do as we please; therefore, we act stupid to be heard and seen.

I stay at home a much as possible. When out, I take my precautions and avoid crowded areas at times where many people gather around. And I follow the guidelines and do my best to remain healthy. So, when I learn about stupidity, I frown and shake my head.

How difficult is it to cooperate and to help each other? A lot, apparently. But some people just never seem to learn. Therefore, I´m always cautious around the human factor. I may trust myself and a few others. Still, I most certainly don´t trust everybody, especially not in times of trouble in today´s world.

I use mycreative talents to divert myself from all the negativity. Right now, I´m decorating a wooden box that I bought recently. It is for my new set of Tarot cards that I will print out and paint myself. It is a creative goal that I can achieve in the living room with my husband and our sweet animals.

It isn´t greasy, it doesn´t make any noise, and it is something cozy to work with while my husband watches the TV. I have become extremely critical of what I want to watch, so I often do creative projects rather than watch anything. Besides, I only miss retransmissions.

The weather gods are ill-humored these days. Cloudy sky and ferocious outburst of rain showers relieved only by few rays of the healing Sun is their recipe for fun. Well, dear Universe, it is so much about the time that they change their mind. It has been grayish long enough now.

My husband is a bit edgy because the bad weather doesn´t appeal when the need for gardening arises. And everybody just wants sunshine and coffee in the yard. But the forecasts predict no changes for some time to come. Boo, you weather gods, it ain´t fair, do better, if you please.

This weekend, I want to write and be creative with every fiber in my soul. I need to tidy up my creative den because it will be the setting for the Thursday meeting next week. And I can´t work with any mess around me. Chaos only creates more confusion in my mind with racing thoughts and anxiety.

So that and some creativity is for tomorrow. Sunday, yes, that will be a great day for writing. But today, I will keep on trucking to the best of my abilities. Beginning shortly with me grabbing some delicious ice cream, cuddling up on the couch, having fun with my little family.

Let me finish this blog post by wishing you a blessed weekend, dear readers and followers. May the Sun touch you, may the Moon guide you. And may this world stop the senseless fighting and arguing and begin growing up. So mote it be.

Picture of Wokandapix from Pixabay 

A trip to the local market with the girls

Today, I went out for the first time in months. It was less anxiety-provoking than I thought to begin with. I got a haircut at a fair price, bought something beautiful for my creative needs later tonight, and enjoyed a great experience with the girls, my best friends besides my husband.

Today, the weather is deceitful, shifting erratically between a ray of luring sunshine followed by aggressive outbursts of icy cold rain showers. We were prepared and kept our umbrellas close. Now, I’m tired, happy, and ready to enjoy the upcoming weekend.

My husband watches the news, with two of the philosophical cats sleeping peacefully in a box and on a pillow on a hassock. The little wise, old dog lies in his soft basket at my feet, and I have a cop of freshly brewed coffee on the desk.

I need to clear and clean my desk because the whole week I have worked with the recovery of my mouth after my operation. I am almost off my pain killers, the stitches begin to let go, and I can eat more regular food again.

My mind is refreshed, my heart is relieved, and my soul is free as a bird after the decision to cut the bond between us and someone who proved to be anything but a friend. When people lie to me, treat me with disrespect, and take me for granted, I close my door permanently and here and now.

And when such a decision is made, it is not possible to change it back. My self-respect will never be for sale, and nobody messes with my family and friends. It is therefore with great relief that I speak of freedom today.

Yes, we may have lost somebody in our life. But we cannot lose a friend who never proved to be one when things got tough. So, in reality, we have done ourselves a significant favor by saying no to being used, lied to, and treated with gross disrespect.

Besides, life is busy happening right here, right now. We simply don’t have the time or the energy to deal with toxic people whose only care is themselves. And the last couple of weeks have shown that there are plenty of things to do better without them in our life.

A trip to the local market with the girls, mature women like myself, is the direct opposite of selfish people. We genuinely care for each other and give the necessary space, time, and help without hesitating.

Because we are too old for bullshit, pardon my French. Because we are too young to accept the status quo. And because we are too grown up to deal with childish behavior. The truth may be sensitive, but it is always best to speak the truth, for then nobody needs to remember their lies.

It was both overwhelming and fun to be out again. But home is my best retreat, so everything is just fine here, thank you. And after a couple of weeks of recovery, I’m more than ready to pick up my writing adventure from Monday next week.

This weekend, however, is dedicated to creative pursuits, relaxation, and meditation in my witch’s den. I want to create a small ritual without preparation. We will just go to my beautiful den, lit some candles and some incense, and use whatever comes into mind.

No photos, no written plan, no Book of Shadows. My husband and I and a few items create that unique atmosphere that brings happiness, inner peace, good mental health, and kindness. Tomorrow is Saturday, a perfect day to cleanse the mind and align mind, body, and soul to the rhythms of Nature.

I need witchcraft back into my life, and I think that a daily mini-ritual would do me much good. So from Monday, I will spend at least half an hour there every afternoon with a good book. As a writer, I know that reading is half of the work of writing.

During my voluntary recovery period, I have had plenty of time to really think through my novels. And I now have a superb female villain whose icy cold attitude underlines her actions in a way that creates a chill down my spine.

Then I simply know that I have something good to write about that others also will find worth reading. In about a year, I will call for beta readers, but if anyone out there wants to jump into the process before that, please feel free to contact me.

Concerning publishing, I’m contemplating the audiobook format. That way, people with reading disabilities will also be able to enjoy my work. But for now, I’m happy and content with the writing process itself.

I will finish my work with the many notes that I have after more than eighteen months of preparation during the weekend. I need to print and read them thoroughly. And I want to arrange them neatly so that they are easy to work with later on.

Today, however, I’m still recovering. So, right after this blog post, I will go offline and simply enjoy life on the couch next to my beloved husband and our sweet cats and lovely little dog. No social media, only the TV’s sound as a background to creativity and deep inner peace.

A trip to the local market with the girls is a good thing. We have many trips yet to discover together. But now it is time for the atmosphere of the weekend to settle in. Another week conquered, another challenge taken and done with. And another day lived happily ever after.

May your weekend be blissful, trouble-free, and happy, dear readers and followers. May the world shut up for just a couple of days so that we all can breathe and feel free. And may the Universe and Mother Earth grant happiness, inner peace, good health, and kindness to every soul on this blue planet.

As we will it, so mote it be.