Month: April 2021

Recovery and recreation

Almost two weeks have passed, and I couldn´t feel better about my teeth. The stitches don´t hurt as such, but they itch, burn, and stretch my patience. I know that it´s only a matter of time before the healing process turns, gradually, as a slow but sure release.

So, my goals these weeks are to recover and spend my time doing what I love the most. Writing, of course, but also creative pursuits and hopefully witchcraft, too. It´s Beltane tomorrow, but I simply don´t have the energy for a complete ritual this time.

I will light candles and burn incense, though. The weather gods should behave, as we are speaking about May 1st. But the wind is chilling cold, the rain comes and goes as it pleases, and even the little wise, old dog doesn´t want to be outside more than he has to.

Listening to old school rock, melodic orchestral music, and oldies but goodies, I feel at ease with my life, as it is right here, right now. The last couple of weeks have taken their toll on my husband and me, but we are strong people who don´t give up no matter how difficult the issue.

I know from deep inside my heart and mind that sometimes a tough decision is what it takes to move on and remain positive and sane. It may hurt and might be devastating at first, but then, the thought strikes that we had to be so firm for a reason.

This blog post is therefore dedicated to those in need of recovery and recreation. It may seem a bit chaotic to begin within the midst of it all, but the calmness will arrive soon enough. That I do know from a tough life with changing lanes and directions a lot of the time.

We do have sweet and caring people supporting us. Our family and true friends are still here, even though we had to cut a bond that we had hoped would last. Well, it didn´t. When there is nothing left to give and nothing left to say, it is about getting back on track as fast as possible and move on.

Since my operation, I have no longer that terrible constant pain in my mouth. I´m free at last. I got my first tooth operation at the age of five. My teeth have haunted me since then. But now I´m in a healing process and wait for my new teeth to be made. Tonight, I even ate everyday food again.

Yesterday, I finished my research for now. There might be some additional research later on in the writing process, but now I need to gather my many notes, print them, and do a close reading. And when that is done, it is full-time writing.

I have so many ideas and snippets of intriguing dialogue that I need to get down from my thoughts to the paper. I do believe that I also have the skills to write my novels now. I practice, practice, practice. From my point of view, it is the only way besides reading that makes a difference.

My goal for the evening is to relax. To be creative with a piece of drawing paper and oil crayons. And to enjoy the company of my husband, three philosophical cats, and the little wise, old dog. After a refreshing bath, even pain and irritation can´t stop me from having a good time.

It is at the same time the only possible way to deal with a betrayal too big to leave unsaid. To show that life goes on and that our self-respect is not for sale at any price whatsoever. And to send a message about never to take us for granted again.

When enough is enough, things have to come to an end. It may hurt a while, but our freedom here is not to be negotiated with. When it hurts more to stay in a relationship, then it´s time to leave ASAP. And when you discover that you have been dealing with toxic people, it is an easy decision.

I sold my car last week. I can´t drive it myself anymore due to anxiety. And with our limited needs, we can just as well call for a cab for the handicapped. It costs a little, but it will never be as much as owning a car.

But I´m still happy and content with my life. Actually, even more so that is. I feel pure relief, less anxiety, and more happiness. My husband feels the same way. Together, we are strong, and we will come out even more robust in due time.

I have been a good lass, yes, I haven´t watched so much news lately, and I intend to keep it that way. I do see and hear my fair share of news without spending so much time worrying. I try to concentrate my efforts where I do make a difference. And let the rest be up to Karma and Mother Earth.

In a few sentences, I have written 1,000 words again in one session. It is enough proof to me that I´m capable of writing my novels. And that I will embark on in about a week or two. Until then, I will take time to recover fully and to rest whenever it feels necessary.

Recovery and recreation, the necessary duty and the pleasant retreat, are two companions whenever a crisis or something is going on in my life. Witchcraft is reduced, however, at the moment, to lit candles, incenses, and positive intentions.

But it doesn´t hurt, though. It is okay to take things slightly slower for a couple of weeks. And my witchy spirit is just around the next corner, so I know that witchcraft will soon play a significant role in our life again.

May your weekend be delightful and filled with joy of life, happiness, and kindness, dear readers and followers. As we will it, so mote it be.

A tough week it has been. The weekend was the closure of something from the past. Tuesday, I had teeth surgery, so that I´m free after so many years of pain and despair.

I will get my new teeth in a couple of months. Yes, healing takes time. It hurts, it burns, it itches. But I know that I´m so close now, so I can manage it. My husband is a true friend, too.

Monday, I sold my car. I don´t like driving anymore, and I don´t want to pay for it anymore. We prefer to take the car for the handicapped that it is possible to call. It is not even expensive.

Tuesday, I was a nervous wreck until my operation was over. They helped me so much, and for that I´m both grateful and happy as a child. And for every day, the pain will lessen.

Wednesday, I spent bingewatching TV on the couch. I was exhausted after the operation and took the whole day out of the calendar. Yesterday, we continued to rest as much as possible.

Today, I went for a morning coffee at an old friend´s place nearby. Here, I feel as safe as at home. We haven´t seen each other for some time, therefore, we need to remember common ground and begin anew.

So, it is a week of resolutions and new beginnings. It may hurt for a little while, but then life moves on. The past cannot be undone. The future is unknown. Only in the present moment, there is a chance to live life to its fullest.

Last week, I wrote about having better things on my mind than betrayal, mistrust, and alienation. Sometimes life, you have to stand up for yourself and your loved ones.

It happens to me, whenever I feel my self-respect threatened. Then, I say no, so that nobody can misunderstand anything. And I close my door, for here we don´t compromise ourselves at any cost.

My writing is postponed for the week, but I believe that I´m ab le to begin working a little bit tomorrow. But I take time to rest, if I feel the least tired due to a combination of pain and discomfort.

Our new resolutions are as follows: never to accept lies, never to allow ourselves to be treated badly, and never to be taken for granted ever again. And the new beginnings only depend upon our own free will.

It is a great relief to not be the owner of a car that would have been way too expensive to keep. And it is wonderful to have my teeth fixed so that they never again will be able to hurt me.

So, now I get a perfect smile when the healing period is over in a couple of months. It is appropriate since I´m have been asked to participate in both a creative club and to become a peer worker for people with bipolar disorder.

Sometimes, you have to change what you no longer can accept. And to accept what you cannot change. The difference, that´s where life experience is a clear advantage.

Now, I will wish you a happy and peaceful weekend, dear readers and followers. May the Sun shine on your path, may the Moon guard you by night, and may the Universe grant you happiness, inner, peace, a good health, and happiness.

So mote it be.

Yesterday, I was informed that somebody does not like my husband and me.

Fair enough, but why on Earth mix us up with something we’ve nothing to do with whatsoever. On the contrary, we’ve been helpful and caring.

That we will not be toward this somebody in the future. No, we will take care of ourselves and leave the world to find solutions for its self-made trouble.

I’m angry, disappointed, and sad. But not surprised at all. People can be very mean indeed, and there are many mean people in this world.

However, that was yesterday. A betrayal that is so big that there is no turning back time.

We have both tried this many, many times in our life. But now, enough is enough.

Yesterday was also a good day. I was told that I will get my teeth fixed in anesthesia on Tuesday next week.

It will hurt. A lot. My leftover teeth are in bad condition, so I need artificial teeth.

It will hurt a couple of weeks. But then, the pain will slowly fade away, and I will be free not to worry about my teeth anymore.

It will hurt mentally because the first you see when you meet someone is their smile. With artificial teeth, I will smile again. When I get used to them.

Until then, it is a painful time that awaits me.

I immediately wrote to my counselor, who has hurried my case through the system and told her about the problem with being disliked by someone who should better concentrate on their own business rather than ours.

Life has taught me that people will disappoint you, especially if they need a scapegoat for something they are responsible for.

Well, I shake my head, brush the dust from somebody’s bad conscience off me, and then I stand up again, ready to live my life with the sole aim of living in the present moment.

By that, I mentally leave somebody behind and close a door.

A new chapter has begun. My husband and I have each other; for that, we are truly grateful.

My trust in others will be something to deserve in the future. I need true friends, faithful souls in my life, not gossiping wannabe flatterers who turn their back on me when least expected.

Besides all that, my mind has been like porridge this week. I’m slow, everything takes extra time, and my sleep pattern, or rather the lack of a design to recognize, is tricky.

I can’t sleep before the very early hours, and then I sleep more in the day than in the night. Annoying, tiring, and highly unpractical when writing three novels and trying to practice witchcraft.

But my mood and my spirit are high, for I’m still in the fast lane with lots of creative energy to put into words, sentences, and pages for my novels. I’m still standing on my two feet, and I keep on trucking until I’m done. And I’m still a witch from the core of my mind, body, and soul.

I have better things on my mind than people who think they can invade my life and mistreat me. I simply don’t have neither the time nor the resources to deal with such people. I  choose to shut my door for good. And that’s it.

Besides all that, Denmark is re-opening a lot next week. But I’m going to stay at home as much as possible after my operation. I don’t need the outside world aside from the monthly trip to the bank and the shops.

Today, the sun shines its best, and my husband and I will have our coffee there in a short while. And the little wise, old dog will both get his daily walk and a treat outside in the yard. Typically, he lay on the garden recliner and sniffs in the air.

Two philosophical cats are already in their den outside, where they have branches and boxes to climb and enjoy. The third is a bit arthritic and prefers to stay inside the house.

Yes, we do share a good life, my husband and I. And we are best friends too, so I think we’ll manage just fine without the one who doesn’t care about us anyway.

As a gray witch, I now leave any regret, any sorrow, and any disappointment for Karma to deal with later. I will create a cleansing ritual, however.

Listening to great guitar riffs and thundering drums this morning, I feel ready to continue my journey in life. I have about 10 articles left to read and make valuable notes from. And I’m happy that there is a brand new ritual to work with as well.

What a week this has become. From one side of the scale between lows and highs to the other in just a few hours. Well, the world may try to rock the boat, but here at our little spot of Paradise on Mother Earth, we look out for each other and work as a solid team.

I also look forward to talking with both my counselor and my father later today. About what truly matters in life. About recovering from a wound created by somebody not worth mentioning further. And about the consequences of becoming my foe rather than my friend.

They are few, but they are consequent and permanent. I close my door, I pull myself away from further disappointment, and I forgive, but I never forget.

It won’t change neither my mind nor my mood. I’m okay, Self.

Let’s remain optimistic and make the most of every day. Every day is unique in its own right, for it is not a matter of course that we will be given another day tomorrow. Life is fragile, so the primary issue, the meaning of it all, is to live life to its fullest in the present moment.

Yesterday is the past. Tomorrow is uncertain. But today, we can use our own example to try to change what we cannot accept. And to accept what we cannot change. The difference is to know when to act and when to let go.

Today, I let go of any negativity whatsoever.

In that way, the mental wound has begun the process of healing.

Now, promise me, dear readers and followers, that you take good care of yourselves, stay safe out there. May your weekend be without trouble but filled with joy, love, and respect. If we believe in it, it is so. Namasté.

fcgvggh

Today, the weather gods send mixed signals. The Sun shines; however, the wind is icy, piercing cold, and occasional rain showers make indoor activity preferable.

So, I keep on trucking, working to the best of my abilities. I still have a sizeable amount of work with my notes and about 25 long articles; before focusing on the writing process.

But I have 849 good words that I can’t let go of. They sound natural, they contain the meaning I want to convey, and they feel right.

I knew that there would be days with less activity or none at all. A year is a long enough time to get my writing process on the right track.

Today, I feel good and am capable of writing myself free from any worries that may cloud my mind from time to time.

So I shift between writing here and working with my growing amount of necessary research notes. The more that I can rely on them during the writing process, the less I have to check them later.

My husband asked me to write about love, our life, and our many blessings. So that I will do.

He is my big and only true love in my life. He is a good husband, one of those rare ones that you gladly follow worldwide if necessary. Our life is blissful due to a healthy economy and a common idea of making a good life.

We live in a big, beautiful, old house. We have practically everything we need. And we share our lives with a sweet, little, old dog and three philosophical cats.

We may not have that many friends anymore. We may have to live with a strict budget. And we may be different from the current norms in society.

But we share a beautiful life which we work hard for every day. My husband has granted me the possibility to sit and write a couple of years. He takes the most brutal toll. He deserves credit. He’s my great inspiration, for he has taught me that it is possible to change.

If you only dare to look yourself in the mirror and actually do something about the things you don’t like.

And change is something that we are pretty used to here. We had all odds against us in the first eight years of our life together. We have both lived in the fast lane for many years, and it takes time, energy, and iron will to cope with the consequences in later life.

With lots of hard work, patience, and a common goal of creating the best possible place for us, we have managed just that. On April 27, 2021, we will have lived here for five years. And we never look back in regret. On the contrary, we have discovered what happiness is to us.

Happiness is economic safety in the form of a small but effective saving, creative accommodation in the house and outside in the garden, and lots of peace and quiet.

Inner peace is the absence of self-created problems. Good health is also essential. And, last, but definitely not least, kindness is preferable to living on a big lie.

Today, the news can’t disturb my positive outlook on life. I listen to old school rock, with thundering drums and irresistible bass guitar riffs. The volume is soaring high in my earplugs; yes, I know, I should be careful. However, today I need to listen to loud music.

And my husband rest with a philosophical cat and the little, old, wise dog. I have two of the cats close by, and I need coffee …

… Sorry, but without coffee, the writing just feels wrong, like something is missing.

We have a good life here on our little spot of Paradise on Mother Earth.

Writing myself free is not a difficult task; however, creative writing is certainly not for sissies. It takes countless hours of dedicated hard work. A little talent won’t hurt either, and then there is the issue of inspiration.

My muse is not deserting me, she is just a kiss away. But I won’t write bullshit, pardon my French, so I take it easy and write whenever I feel the need for that.

I know myself well enough to know that I will begin the longer writing sessions sooner or later.

I write myself free when I need to divert myself from the craziness of a so-called modern world. I write myself free when I want to reward myself for coping with my physical ailments and mental disorders. And I write myself free when something unexpected happens.

Today, I write early because I want to publish before I talk with my 83-year old father. I call him three times a week, and sometimes he calls to tell me about something special in his life. Like yesterday, where he told me he had got home care. Now, he gets help with the cleaning and bathing.

In a moment, I will have written 1,000 words within two hours. So, I know that I’m capable of writing my three novels of 100,000 words each.

Therefore, there is absolutely no need for any concern, even though I haven’t written so much yet. I still have the most of a full year to accomplish my goals.

Now, I will return to my many notes. Today’s task is to enjoy a long, warm bath after my phone call to my father. And I plan to watch something about my locations for my novels. Other than that, it is only about living a simple, yet complicated life.

So, dear Universe, roll the dice and behave today. There is no need for trouble of any kind.

May your weekend be uplifting, joyful, and happy, dear readers and followers. May humankind come to its senses and begin to cooperate rather than fight and scorn. And may happiness, inner peace, good health, and kindness be the mantras of tomorrow.

So it is.

Yesterday, I embarked om my writing journey that hopefully will bring both personal insight and the first draft for my trilogy. It went well, very well indeed, as I managed to write three times as much as I had hoped for. And I also was able to maintain the work with my notes that will continue at least a couple of months more.

Writing my heart out has always been my preferred channel of communication. It gives me time to think more than twice, it releases all sorts of negativity, and it makes me happy to have the skills to do it. So, it is with joy and enthusiasm that I on day two of my writing year sit here behind the keyboard.

It´s already Friday again. I simply don´t grasp the speed of time in this era of a full-blown pandemic with still more people behaving star-crazy for every day. Yesterday, I wrote in pain, since my lower and central back has made it crystal clear to me that it hurts like hell and back.

Today, I´m more prepared, but I had to get an extra long early afternoon nap, nevertheless. My sleep pattern is a bit topsy these days due to my liftoff as a writer. I actually sat down in my new gamer chair and wrote my heart out in 833 words. Today, my back is showing its worst potential, so please forgive me. And today, my left hand is funny, too.

But it may hurt, I may have to turn to pain killers for the night, and my left hand, my writing hand, may need a longer rest than I have the time to. I will still write, however, only on the laptop. It is a wonderful feeling of freedom to begin writing my dream for a lifetime.

I´m painting with words rather than actual paint, but I do paint from time to time, as I´m a creative kind of person who besides writing and being a witch also have a million interests to care for. And yes, I like what I see in front of me when writing my novels.

When I finish this blog post, there is still a lot of work to do. I know that it will be one of those late nights where pain can be pain as much as it likes to be. But I have made my plans, and I have the free option to write whenever I want to or need to.

Writing my heart out is not an easy task at all. It is about dedication, hard work, and countless hours of thinking, writing, and rewriting. It is so different from everything else I know about writing in general. It is pure instinct, stubbornness, and the gut feeling.

But I simply love it, and I know that the journey will be long, tough, and treacherous. One thing is to like your own material. To make others like it too, there is a very, very long path to walk. I humbly acknowledge the challenge given in wanting to write three novels in a year.

Two pages raw and ready for scrutiny later on. I won´t look back from now on. The only way is forward, no matter how steep a mountain I need to pass during my first journey as a declared writer. My plans support the days with less or no performance at all.

The key for me is to remain focused on writing approximately 15-25 chapters to begin with. To keep on writing, especially on the days where doubt creeps in on me, and where my muse has let me down. With so much material, I believe that I can go back and change if necessary. It will be enough to keep going on the bad days.

Not that today is a bad day as such. The Sun has been shining all day, but it was too chilly for me and the little wise, old dog. So we accepted the short roundabouts in the back garden. Now, he rests peacefully in his basket close to my desk.

Writing my heart out, yes that´s what I do as a writer. As a witch, I cast spells, read the Tarot, and try to reconnect with Mother Nature. As a human being, I live in the present moment, I´m happy and content, and working with my creative talents makes everything so much easier to cope with.

I have reduced my news time to the least possible to avoid being too exposed to bad news, fake news, and scary news. I know what I need to know, and I follow what is necessary in a changed world. Mother Nature is angry with us humans, and I don´t blame her one second.

But I won´t let negativity set any kind of agenda here at our little spot of Paradise on Earth. And before I write anymore tonight, I want to work a bit with a little creative project that needs a makeover. May you get a blessed and blissful weekend, dear readers and followers. As we will it, so mote it be.