At the moment, I´m in a kind of limbo, as my eighty-five-year-old father is terminally ill with bladder cancer.
Today, I finally got the news that he is now well taken care of, both care and pain relief have been prescribed by his GP.
So, I´m waiting for him to leave Mother Earth, and I´m devastated. Nonetheless, life here at my spot of Paradise on Earth continues its routines and daily chores.
I need a few days of total rest, so I have decided to take leave from my work at the social houses in my town. Likewise, I have canceled a creative course because I know that I can begin again in a new season.
Waiting time is tiresome, I can almost sit up and sleep at the same time. I have just visited my father for a week, and this weekend, I pulled everything out of my calendar and remained either on the couch or worked hard to finish my latest 5D diamond painting, a beautiful image of the Phoenix. I will post an image of the result later.
Soon, I will have to travel a long way to my father again. My suitcase is practically already packed, as I only need a few extra things before I´m ready to go by train and car for at least four to five hours.
Luckily, in the same town as my father, I have a sweet couple of friends, with whom I can stay when visiting my father. My friend is a true friend, she helps wherever she can, and I´m her forever grateful for it.
When she calls and tells me it is time, I will be going. Or when I can feel in my body, mind, and soul that I need to go, I will go.
But today and throughout the week, he needs to get used to new medicine, new routines, and a lot of new people.
I have created a safe space in my home with my closest friends living nearby. This is my retreat, as it is the fitness class every morning, to remain as sane as possible in an impossible situation.
But, my thoughts keep going to my poor father, who was very ill last week. I know it will get even worse, and it makes me so sad, nobody deserves to go in this horrible way.
So, my kind of retreat is determined by the circumstances outside my control. Therefore, I take extremely good care of myself in this, too.
Long, warm baths, lots and lots of rest and sleep, good food, creative pursuits as much time as possible.
My husband and my beautiful little clan of dear and reliable friends keep my mood up, however, I can guarantee you, dear readers and followers, that I feel with every cell in my body, mind, and soul that a major loss is coming my way no matter what I think and feel about it.
It is okay, in an unwritable way, as it is his turn to cross the Rainbow Bridge to my loved departed ones.
But my heart, my soul, my mind weeps, however, I´m careful not to show it to him, as it would hurt him terribly to see me this sad.
This hopefully explains why I´m so quiet on this blog, why I´m absent here, and why everything else in my life has to be on hold for a time.
Soon, I will be busy enduring poor train connections, delays, and cancellations. In Denmark, we used to live in a society full of welfare, now, well, welcome to a different world.
But, even though it is noisy, tiresome, and hard on body, mind, and spirit, everything seems, on the other hand, to play in tune.
I have learned in these times of trouble that my little family, my dear, dear friends, they are here when things happen; when it matters the most, and when any kind of help is most welcome.
So, I will come through this, somehow, but it will happen in due course.
For now, I´m looking for the little bright moments, when my father is still able to pick up his cell phone, recognize me as his daughter, and let me hug him gently and softly.
I´m collecting memories to last a lifetime. Mine. In three days, it will be nine years since my beloved mother passed. So, believe me, it hurts like it hurt for everybody else in this life situation.
My mood, however, changes as it always does, and it is in its own way both practical and suitable that the change is directed at the manic mood, where my reserve powers reside.
I need them desperately, now, and so everything comes full circle.
Samhain will certainly be a different experience this strange year.
200 words left to write about how life in all other areas seems as good as it gets. Yet somehow it is a bittersweet sensation these resting days between travels to and from my father.
My plan is to enjoy life to its fullest despite this. In other words, I´m as ready as it is possible for me to be, I have accepted what I cannot change, and I from now on will only try to change what I can´t accept. The art is to know the difference.
My husband carefully creates bonfires where we together can release all this to the Universe and ask the gods and goddesses to relieve my father, to bring him safely to his forever home, and to show him grace, gentleness, and never-ending love.
Tonight, I will light a blue candle for healing, for my father, for everyone alone, hurting, and in dire need.
Tomorrow, I will again go to the fitness gym, do my daily chores, keep on living to the best of my abilities.
And soon, I will be a traveler again.
May the Universe bring you happiness, inner peace, good health, and kindness, dear readers and followers. As we will, so let be.
The Northern Witch' s Blog 