This morning, I´m traveling in my mind. To a secret place where I can hide from this tormented world. I need the space to be only me for a moment in time.
It is a sacred place because there is an atmosphere of inner peace and chosen solitude. I´m used to live with the world at a safe distance, now the world is closing in on me.
So I need a mental safe haven added to my sanctuary here. Now it´s time to seek back to the better me, before too many signs of depression show their teeth and hiss at me.
This morning, I need to balance the two versions of me. I neither need the wild roller coaster ride nor the paralyzing effects of feeling saddened to the bone.
My country begins re-opening next week. With the youngest children first. I fear that it is way too soon. We can only hope and see. I understand the eagerness to get back in the saddle.
But I don´t get the lack of understanding for the need for silence. We humans are busy-bees that cannot seem to leave any stone alone. We want it all, almost no matter the cost.
This pandemic era brings forth both the best and the worst in people. The silence has been most welcome to me. I prefer the simple life, where I don´t have to be too long outside in the modern over-stressed world.
Now, the wheels are set in motion, if people continue to take the necessary precautions. My fear is that people will slacken the grip on more than common sense.
Which, in turn, will help the virus rather than hindering it. For the first time, I do not agree with the chosen decision. But I still listen and abide to the precautions.
This morning, I sigh at the world, I sigh at those who doesn´t seem to care, and I sigh at myself for feeling like this. I´m mentally over-tired, I need a few days to think and let go.
It would be a true strike of good luck and chance, if we should know better than the virus which so far only has shown its top of the iceberg. And, it all depends on the behaviors of people.
It is a pretty scary responsibility to have. So many things can go wrong that I order myself not to think about it. I´m saddened enough by the world of today.
This morning, I need to take really good care of myself. So I will use the day to prepare a Full Moon ritual for tomorrow. Again with healing purposes only.
But this time, there needs to be some healing for me too. I need to divert myself from the world. I need to make little creative projects again. I need to dive into my novel and write my way out of this foggy haze.
I´m no good as my own therapist today. I still haven´t heard from my counselor, and the waiting is taken its toll on me now. Therefore, I must be extra careful and find a way back to the better me.
The better me is right here, just not within reach right now. I listen to my mind today. It´s time to let loose and only do what serves me best in the current moment.
This morning, my best therapy is to write and to be creative with what I already have at hand. No need to go out into the world of today. I prefer to stay home.
This is the other side of a bipolar disorder. It is no friend of mine. It is far more better and easier to be on the lighter side rather than experiencing depression in a time like this.
But, I guess, that´s the terms on which life calls me to action. Sooner or later, I know I will get so tired of feeling so miserably that I pull mysefl together and begin fighting back.
I also know already that I will win that fight. Because I´m a born fighter, and I simply won´t give up. The road to success may be long and hard to live with. But it is my way, and it works for me.
This morning, I perhaps should have stayed in bed. But that´s not my kind of attitude to a crisis. So, I got up, went outside with the little, wise, old dog for his morning routine, and ended up at the keyboard.
It has already helped to accept the me of today. And it helps even more to write about it. I´m taking a couple of days off now. The world must take care of itself for a while.
I´ll begin with a long, hot bath. Then, I´ll sit in the sun in the garden, drink my coffee, and just listen to the birds singing their praise of the world.
This morning, everything will be just fine, I´m okay, Self.
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