Behind the keyboard, a Saturday, almost evening. The weather is boring, the news is disheartening, and I´m mentally so very tired. Over politics and knowledge from before all this went so crazy, over people stealing alcohol at a hospital and acting like spoiled brats, over an impatient world on hold.
But I´m getting better by the hour now. The silence is better today, calmer, more comprehensible. Living in a world on hold is not as bad as it may seem, had it not been for a deadly virus that has no regard for anything but destruction.
I don´t miss the noise, the stress, and the egoism. My everyday has not changed that much, for before all this I had already chosen an alternative lifestyle.
Because I had grown apart from the standards of modern society. Because I no longer could cope with the stress level in a so-called normal life, whatever that normal may be or not. And because I found my own path in witchcraft and writing.
At the same time, living in a world on hold is scary, unpredictable, and demanding. However much I try to keep the outer world away from my everyday, it still comes back to wrestle with my patience and inner peace.
So today, I will try to keep up the good spirit by writing about how we cope with a world on hold.
We literally have everything we need and much more than that. We are a team of like-minded people who want a quiet and yet complicated life without the chaos from a stressed world.
And we give each other personal space to do things on our own, when the need for solitude shows up. Most of my life, I´ve been around many different people.
So to seek solitude every once in a while is not new to me. But only in recent years it has been possible to choose a lifestyle with both elements of solitude and unity.
Now this crisis shows up, and all of a sudden, my private world is affected deeply already. Not so much in terms of lifestyle, but with regards to my mental ailments.
It´s been a tough ride so far, and there is no signs of possible relief from this new outer stress factor, the human reactions to disease. It´s what´s not usual that I´m noticing, when I´m writing about silence that is being broken way too soon.
So I take my own homemade precautions and stay at home as much as possible. Even more than I usually do, which is most of the time anyway. But now there´s nothing out there except from daily necessities and medicine that has my interest.
If I need to buy something else, I use the Internet shops. I´m not the big boutique shopper, however, so it suits me well to shop from home the few times I need that on a strict budget.
A world on hold also means that I´m my own therapist these months, and I´m getting more and more concerned about my counselor, so I´ll write to him as soon as I finish this blog post.
To tell him that I´m okay so far. I fight every inch of the way, as I´m used to, but today I know that I´m not alone. Millions of people fight daily with mental disorders, and it is not at all easy during this pandemic.
But it is possible with the right personal attitude toward it. Never to use it as an excuse not to try fighting back is my main attitude. Seconded by my strong will that want me to feel better when I´m down and blue.
Now, the silence is only broken by the music in my ears. Beautiful instrumental pieces that soothe my racing thoughts, calm me down, and affirm my belief that everything will be okay some day, just don´t know when for a really long period of time.
As the world, I´m on hold.
The Northern Witch' s Blog 