Another day with big plans but also a sneaking depression. My energi level is lower than usual, so I admit, I have spent the day restoring energy rather than doing any creative projects.
My peak of the day came when we had lunch outside for the first time this year. My little something arrived, a new book about crystals and stones, a Mala necklace, and a lot of new incenses, e.g. frankincense and myrrah.
After lunch, I lit some of it outside in my dragon burner. It was a delicious and refined smell. And the Sun poured down its soothing warmth. It was a blissful moment.
The whole afternoon I have been bingewatching TV, sleeping, and done as little as possible. But I think so well after a whole day of relaxation. A weak spot before in my life because I used to live with a lot of stress.
Now I have the means and the opportunity to take much better care of myself. One of the ways I do that is to discipline myself to only watch the news a few times a day.
More and more people are seen and heard now. And some of the professions like hair dressers and tattooists are allowed to open on Monday, April 20.
I follow the news on a longer distance today because I need to let go of what I cannot control. The only thing I can control is my reaction to what happens. So I choose to let go and to recover from my depression.
Yesterday was a beautiful celebration of our Queen. Today has been a joy with only a few signs of stress and anxiety. I guard myself with medication and meditation, however.
Restoring energy became my goal this morning since I felt extremely mentally tired. The inner peace came slowly after a cozy talk with our closest family and friends and lunch outside.
A feeling of complete freedom for a silent moment. And then some TV to just look at without over-thinking everything. And a long nap with the little, wise, old dog close by.
Tomorrow, my day begins with my morning coffee and a long hot bath. After that I want to spend a couple of hours in my creative den. Without any disturbances, with incense, candles, and loud music.
And Sunday I will spend cleaning my witches den thoroughly and planning my next witchcraft ritual. That is mentally freedom to me, and I earn it by fighting my disorders and aliments hard against hard.
Next week, my plan is to begin working with my novel again. I have to break my own silence by doing something that is both creative and hard as hell. A writer´s job is to write, and it is about time I do exactly that.
In general, I need to disconnect for some time. From an outside world that is far apart from that of mine here. I need to re-focus on what truly matters to me.
Restoring energy is just one baby step to regain control over my depressive side. Never going to be a friend of mine, it´s a strong inner battle, where I have to use many resources to secure victory.
But every time, it has been worth the trouble, for I become stronger for each time. Now I also understand and know a lot about being a bipolar with generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, and ADHD.
My big force is that I´m able to transform my racing thoughts into words worth reading. For I write with the brutally honest intention of doing my best every time and preferably better by long practice.
The next step is to do something creative and practical at the same time, so that the creative pursuit is the reward for pulling myself together and get up every morning with the intention of enjoying life.
And first then, after this weekend, it is time to return to my writing project about a novel, a psychological thriller. There´s plenty of inspiration right now, but I prefer to work with a fictional story.
Realism right now is almost surreal, and I still believe it is way too early to open so much up, as they plan to. But I have decided to let go of my fears, for time will show what happens.
I hope and pray that they know what they are doing. My personal trust is only to my closest family and friends. But that´s not new in my life, I don´t trust easily.
I trust that I´m safe and okay. That is all the security I need. The rest is hard work and dedication in everything I do. Restoring energy is a sacred duty here.
Remember to rest between breaks, as my dear friend told me. And believe me, the world needs that people rest between breaks. May your weekend be filled with sunshine and moments of deep inner peace. So mote it be.
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