Month: April 2020

There are more people in our little town in the southern part of Denmark. And the traffic is climbing higher by the hour. Why, oh why, won´t people understand that the world as we knew it are forever gone?

There is a new reality to deal with, I´m sorry, but that´s the deal for now. However harsh it is, it is still happening nonetheless. And only by respecting the new world order of hand washing and alcohol rubbing do we stand a fair chance against a virus that continues to outsmart us.

As Danes, we are naturally freedom-loving. But relieving the restrictions so soon is risky business. Most of us want out when the weather is more than fair, but today it is not a good idea unless it is about shopping for necessities and medicine.

And what do we spot so soon already in just a little town ? Too many people, like busy bees in a hive on drugs. I dare not think about the next five days of Easter in the bigger places.

My trust in other people is not overwhelming. Not when it comes to adapting to a totally different world view from what we have experienced so far in my fifty-year-old lifetime.

Easter is coming, and I´m like the English Queen Victoria not amused. I sound negative, but my experiences with many people in times of need are ambivalent.

Until now, the majority of the population has listened to the authorities. But people are also getting impatient, which makes me wonder why? What is it that is so attractive, oh wait, the feeling of something known rather than this uncertainty and waiting time?

Sometimes, we humans need to be reminded about what life is all about. That is my interpretation of what is happening to us all in this world. The past is a constant. The future is unknown territory. Only the present moment and the constant change is within reach for us humans.

We have completely forgotten our roots and and biology. We think we rule the world, well, we certainly have a lot more to learn, then. And some people won´t learn from past mistakes.

They are even prepared to act against all recommendations. It is an extremely dangerous game to play in these times. They may not get sick, but others will become ill due to them sooner or later.

Is that really worth all the racing back and forth for today? We were told that the restrictions were still to be respected, for a longer time apparently than some people today are willing to wait.

The numbers are perhaps sixty to eighty percent higher, it is said in a statement in the news. And to re-open so soon with little children, whereof many are way too little to understand and e.g. sneeze in the sleeve.

I´m nervous about all this already, this doesn´t help at all. But my mood is so much better than yesterday, where everything was black and tired. Today, my husband and I celebrated the Full Moon and each other with a ritual where Witches´ Runes spoke about romance.

Just what we both needed to learn. To take extra good care of the relationship is always a wise thing to do, especially when married to a bipolar like me.

It is even more important these days because my inner stress inevitably will affect my husband, as he sees and hears me feeling bad. I don´t hide myself from him, I protect him by keeping the majority of my racing thoughts to myself.

We share everything else, but he shall and will not be affected more than I can answer to. We also share some of my thoughts when I´m feeling blue and inadequate like yesterday´s one-hour-talk.

Today, I don´t know from where my strength has returned. I have decided to spend a couple of days without any plans but to relax and to recover from this depressive side of me that can be so paralyzing if not conquered straight away.

Yes, my ailments and side-effects from a strong lived life are keeping me busy some days. The balance is in my favor, however, because I refuse to give in no matter the cost.

The cost is that it takes me a couple of days to recover, but I pay that price with pride and a solid understanding of what is happening with me. I´m now truly my own, when it comes to describing my inner feelings and thoughts.

Today´s Full Moon ritual with the Witches´ Runes, a Tarot deck that also spoke in positive terms, and a new healing candle for the world was life-affirming and as simple as possible.

I used the strongest symbols of my witchcraft and patchouli incense to create an inspiring atmosphere, and we will light a bonfire in the garden later to let go of what no longer serves us.

Easter is coming, and please, dear Universe, let people behave rather than filling the streets with stupidity. Let the silence return, the world and Mother Earth need it so much these days.

This morning, I´m traveling in my mind. To a secret place where I can hide from this tormented world. I need the space to be only me for a moment in time.

It is a sacred place because there is an atmosphere of inner peace and chosen solitude. I´m used to live with the world at a safe distance, now the world is closing in on me.

So I need a mental safe haven added to my sanctuary here. Now it´s time to seek back to the better me, before too many signs of depression show their teeth and hiss at me.

This morning, I need to balance the two versions of me. I neither need the wild roller coaster ride nor the paralyzing effects of feeling saddened to the bone.

My country begins re-opening next week. With the youngest children first. I fear that it is way too soon. We can only hope and see. I understand the eagerness to get back in the saddle.

But I don´t get the lack of understanding for the need for silence. We humans are busy-bees that cannot seem to leave any stone alone. We want it all, almost no matter the cost.

This pandemic era brings forth both the best and the worst in people. The silence has been most welcome to me. I prefer the simple life, where I don´t have to be too long outside in the modern over-stressed world.

Now, the wheels are set in motion, if people continue to take the necessary precautions. My fear is that people will slacken the grip on more than common sense.

Which, in turn, will help the virus rather than hindering it. For the first time, I do not agree with the chosen decision. But I still listen and abide to the precautions.

This morning, I sigh at the world, I sigh at those who doesn´t seem to care, and I sigh at myself for feeling like this. I´m mentally over-tired, I need a few days to think and let go.

It would be a true strike of good luck and chance, if we should know better than the virus which so far only has shown its top of the iceberg. And, it all depends on the behaviors of people.

It is a pretty scary responsibility to have. So many things can go wrong that I order myself not to think about it. I´m saddened enough by the world of today.

This morning, I need to take really good care of myself. So I will use the day to prepare a Full Moon ritual for tomorrow. Again with healing purposes only.

But this time, there needs to be some healing for me too. I need to divert myself from the world. I need to make little creative projects again. I need to dive into my novel and write my way out of this foggy haze.

I´m no good as my own therapist today. I still haven´t heard from my counselor, and the waiting is taken its toll on me now. Therefore, I must be extra careful and find a way back to the better me.

The better me is right here, just not within reach right now. I listen to my mind today. It´s time to let loose and only do what serves me best in the current moment.

This morning, my best therapy is to write and to be creative with what I already have at hand. No need to go out into the world of today. I prefer to stay home.

This is the other side of a bipolar disorder. It is no friend of mine. It is far more better and easier to be on the lighter side rather than experiencing depression in a time like this.

But, I guess, that´s the terms on which life calls me to action. Sooner or later, I know I will get so tired of feeling so miserably that I pull mysefl together and begin fighting back.

I also know already that I will win that fight. Because I´m a born fighter, and I simply won´t give up. The road to success may be long and hard to live with. But it is my way, and it works for me.

This morning, I perhaps should have stayed in bed. But that´s not my kind of attitude to a crisis. So, I got up, went outside with the little, wise, old dog for his morning routine, and ended up at the keyboard.

It has already helped to accept the me of today. And it helps even more to write about it. I´m taking a couple of days off now. The world must take care of itself for a while.

I´ll begin with a long, hot bath. Then, I´ll sit in the sun in the garden, drink my coffee, and just listen to the birds singing their praise of the world.

This morning, everything will be just fine, I´m okay, Self.

When I woke up this morning, my mood was not set up for a new battle with the shadow of anxiety. I´m not interested at all in any kind of shadow play that is not set in motion by the better me.

So I fight my shadow right now. It will bend, it will behave, it will calm down. Today, my emotions are torn between sadness over the devastating losses in the world and the feeling of not being able to make a difference.

I know that I contribute with everything I can handle, but I also save a portion of pure self-preservation for the harder days like today where I can´t give so much.

I´m re-charging after yet another long week in this pandemic era. Therefore I´m naturally more vulnerable to the little earth quakes that the anxiety like to throw at me.

These days, I´m much more on guard than I used to be only a few months ago. I don´t have any energy for too many fights at my inner battlefield. Accordingly, my strategies are mainly used to prevent major attacks from overwhelming me and destroying my day.

It´s feels like meeting with the untamed version of me. It is a wild, strong, and ruthless force that tries to scare the living daylights out of me even though my mind and my heart know that the feeling of fear is not based on reality.

The real fears I share with the rest of the world, and the feelings they evoke are less lonely to live with than my constant inner racing thoughts which often try to trigger an anxiety attack.

My body remembers what I have experienced throughout life. And I listen carefully to my body, soul, and mind. Prescription medicine and therapy help perhaps eighty percent.

The rest is entirely up to me to handle, as it should be, since nobody else would be able to do it for me anyway. It is my inner battlefield, and I fight back by putting hard against hard.

The new life conditions will not change back to what was the world before all this. We might as well adapt to change as the only way forward, even though the path is both painful and seemingly endless.

We don´t understand the full effect yet, for this is only the first wave that we are experiencing in my country now. Fortunately, most people plan to stay at home during Easter.

The minority, however, may try to act irresponsibly and stupid, but at least they are seen and heard so much more these days. And some of them are also caught and imprisoned at once.

My anxiety is calm again now, my inner battlefield is ready for the next round, and I´m recovering from my moodiness little by little. Word by word, sentence by sentence.

The restlessness that always follows me is tolerable today, but it has also taken me more than seven hours to conquer. I still count the days because so far there hasn´t been any signs of a major anxiety attack.

I have turned off the news for this morning I felt deep sadness and frustration about the consequences for people worldwide. Perhaps here and there, somebody is awakening.

Perhaps now, where the numbers are steadily rising, those who wouldn´t listen and behaved egoistically will catch a glimpse of deep shame in their eyes.

This virus doesn´t care about people, except for using them as disease carriers to as many people as possible.

But we should care about the virus and help others by doing what we are so often told about. Stay safe, stay home. Don´t be reckless and careless, stay separate and be patient.

Another side of my inner battlefield is the sharpness in my pen. I react strongly to bad behavior and shameful performance for the sake of being seen and heard only.

Especially during times like this. This is serious as hell, this is a killer on the loose, this is terrible to us all. So why make it worse? What´s the point, if not egoistical and very inappropriate?

I thank the Universe for the good examples that are in full bloom everywhere, and most often things are done by using creative ideas and the materials available.

And at last, but not least, thank you, dear readers and followers. I´m proud that I write for you and in reality us all, for we are all in the same boat, no matter where we are in this wild, crazy place called planet Earth.

I´ll try to keep my spirits high, but I also write about the things that hurt in the everyday, where most miracles are found, if you only look close enough.

At eight p.m. tonight, there is once again singalong night in Denmark. Known artists perform from their homes, people sing along, and new talents are born.

It hits me straight in the heart, and here we sing, laugh and cry out hearts out. For one hour only, there is a feeling of unity and a belief that we will come through this together and apart at the same time.

Another idea is spreading through our country right now. It is about placing teddy bears in the windows, so that children with their parents may walk by one day and perhaps try to count all the teddy bears on the walk through empty streets.

A little light in the dark, to show that we care, to show that we understand, to show that everything will be okay again some day. We have to be careful for a long time, so we might as well quest for the little wonders of the everyday.

That is magick when it is best. We make magick together by finding little windows to the world in a time where so many fight for their life literally.

The home school is on weekend hold, the wise, old dog is sleeping right next to me, and I´m spending my afternoon writing about how I feel today.

It it difficult to exactly describe that. Physically and mentally I´m fine. But I´m also moody to some degree. It takes only a song or a melody to make the tears flow for a few minutes.

So I´m careful today not to go beyond my limitations. I take a longer break from the news stream that seems to have a life of its own.

In the eye of the hurricane, the medias bring positive news about people trying to do their best to keep the spirits up.

‘We have chosen to life as if we were already quarantined. And we work with little creative projects meant to create happiness and joy to those who receive it.

My neighbor has created a little shop with food and drinks for the children. They can buy the things for what they earn doing their chores. The shop is open trice a day, so they learn to save points too.

It has been both fun and effective for three days, and the children are good at what they are doing. The chores are done without tears and with happy laughter instead.

I teach a sweet and clever seven-year-old girl Danish, biology, history, introduce her to creative arts, and play even more after home school. We jump the trampoline together outside in the garden.

Her younger sister and brother and their wonderful parents have also a big place in both mine and my husband´s hearts. They are family, we are godparents to the boy.

And they are friends for life. My neighbor just cut my hair for the first time ever. And it looks great to me. It is almost like living in a clan where the members feel as if they had known each other for a longer time than they actually have. .

We live in two separate houses, but apart from that we share everything else in our lives. It all began cautiously for we have all tried to be hurt by people we once trusted.

It really took off when our neighbor was expecting the boy. She had way too high blood pressure, so we sent her and her husband to the hospital while my husband and I babysitted the children that were asleep at the time.

That is to trust your own life in the hands of somebody new to you. We have been close ever since. And we follow both the boy and his siblings from early morning until bedtime.

Our new way of life is based on respect, trust, love, loyalty, hope, tolerance, and classic decency in behavior.

This paradise of mine may have to live on a strict budget, but the little extra to spend is used wisely.

Tonight, my husband and I are singing along with the Danish nation. It is an old tradition to singalong in troubled times. We Danes also did it during WW2.

It gives a feeling of unity, common ground instead of living separate lives before all this. Now we are separated due to a deadly virus. But people are changing too.

And I hope and pray for the people of the world that they will continue to help each other and to spread joy rather than condemn and fight each other when all this is over some day.

I will probably cry a bit, my feelings are touchy today. But that´s okay, Self, it´s only human.

May the weekend bring you joy and happiness, dear readers and followers.

Staying home is what we all should do, if we are not needed outside in society. We should only go out to buy necessary food and medicine. Sadly, too many people still don´t get the message.

Why is it so difficult to stay home and be happy too? After all, all the working hours behind the newest gadgets for the home should be worth the trouble.

Staying home is to truly be yourself and to relax and enjoy the freedom. Outside activities must be released by inner reflections about choice of lifestyle.

It is about time that we humans calm down and try to see things through the perspective of Mother Earth. We have been conquering her long enough already.

We need to stop for a while and re-think the whole way that we do things. There is way to much egoistical behavior that only serve the further development of generations without care for others than themselves.

We have chosen a different path here. We speak the truth, no matter how tough it may be. We think twice before spending unnecessary money. And we live as simple and straightforward as possible.

And I listen carefully to the whining from places where they should know better. Please notice that we don´t experience that from weak and vulnerable people.

In Denmark, many people are considering going to their holiday homes at Easter soon. The police are asking them to really re-consider that choice of behavior.

I´m not happy about it. We have been told that stronger measures might be taken in use, if we didn´t listen right here and now. And the legislature behind is already available.

So what is it that makes it so extremely difficult to listen and to adapt to the new life situation for us all?

What is it that is so exciting or necessary that the rules are repeatedly broken?

And what is it that makes some people believe that they are entitled to behave grossly in a serious crisis where so many people die?

Living in a rich country is not necessarily an advantage. I´m sorry to say that our way of life throughout several decades now needs to grow up. Again, it is about choices and priorities.

But I hope that we in my country will continue to stay at home, as the big majority until now have done better by the day. The world don´t need unnecessary driving right now.

The weather is foretold to be more than fair, and that has always made the most of us go out and enjoy it.

We can still do that, through the windows. I have a big garden, so I´m blessed. I appreciate it so much more this year. I know that if quarantined, I will have to look at it from inside my home.

I have always had flowers and plants in my life, whether living in big house as now or in the past in small apartments. I have always tried to use what I had before I bought something new.

I don´t chase the golden calf anymore, however. I don´t go out much either. Only if I have to or if we are on a trip with the kids. So this new lifestyle of staying home suits me well.

I just wish that it didn´t have to be a deadly virus that brought people together, only apart. We humans have so much potential, so why spill all the talents on hanging on to old and past ideas that are not good for anybody anyway?

We need to conquer ourselves before trying to restore a new normal that will be the consequence also many years from now. We need to ask ourselves questions about the ways we choose to live our lives.

And we need to stop being so egoistical and careless because this virus don´t care about us at all. It is just there and suddenly everywhere. A dangerous visitor, our Majesty the Queen warned us about.

It is also about moral dilemmas. Can we conquer ourselves enough not to do stupid and dangerous things? For once, we truly have the chance to try it out for real. So I hope that most people will listen and that the behavior of the few stand out for us all to watch.

Let the good examples thrive and keep on inspiring millions of people worldwide. Let this crisis be the lesson to learn from in the future. And let this virus die out soon. So mote it be.

My little home school needs a Spring break for a day. It is one of these days where everything I do becomes totally different from the point where I began.

My head feels strangely puffy, I´m restless and lack mental energy, and the news stream will have to wait for me today. I´m pretty moody, and it´s only eleven o´clock in the morning.

I get by with the aid from music in different genres and with writing as my refuge. Perhaps I can regain enough energy to play with the kids later today.

After a hot bath and a fresh brewed cup of coffee, everything usually feels better, so that´s my plan for this morning when I have written my hands warm again.

One of these days, things will grow worse, the numbers of casualties will rise, and we will have to be strong and continue to keep being together, only apart.

I do what I´m told to do. I do my best to stay sane and safe at a time, where the present moment is bliss, and the future is scary and full of possible scenarios that easily can go terribly wrong.

But I don´t like this at all. And I don´t know how to tell my Self that this will be over some day, somehow. Just don´t know when.

It is the uncertainty of so scary many elements that have to play in tune to be effective. It is the common burden of tragic losses. And the worst part is that it grew so big due to humans and our so egoistical approach to everything all the time.

We just can´t help trying to play a game that is for gods and goddesses only to try to win.

We want to know it all, possess it all, and control it all. And so we chase our own tails in the dance around the golden calf.

One of these days, as -Mother Earth is awakening, we will see the major consequences of this crisis, live on TV, from our homes, and I will bow my head and cry my heart out.

I get sad when I see and hear about people who cannot or, worse, will not respect the new standards of living in a modern society.

It brings out both the best and the worst in people. The best I nourish my mind and soul with. The worst I condemn in the strongest possible way. And they have already begun bringing people to justice in my country, Denmark.

This blog is becoming my window to the world. For many years, I have been on a quest for practical solitude in a still more stressed and exhausted world.

Now, I have another kind of solitude. Now, I need to break the inner silence and speak from the bottom of my heart. Now, I call shame on people who steal necessary protection from those who need it desperately. To be able to help and to be able to live.

Or on those whose behavior during such a tragic moment for humankind is wrong in every meaning of the word. Like driving like crazy, spitting on police officers, and abusing the situation to trick or threaten people.

They are seen and heard, welcome on the front page. No fun in that, and the Oscar doesn´t go to idiots and bad people for a reason.

One of these days, however, it will also be better in some ways, just don´t know where, how, and when.

It is the when that is hard to stay in pole position for. I´m waiting for the re-opening of society. Too soon is dangerous. Too late is dangerous. I´m happy that I´m only me and that I don´t have to make the decisions here.

We have a good Prime Minister. And most people in my country work together with the authorities to conquer the Corona virus.

So we are safe here. I´m grateful that I live in Denmark. But it saddens my heart deeply when I watch the world fight for life. I lit my healing candle as often as possible.

One of these days, it will all be over again. But nothing will ever be the same as before. May the world use its potential well for the greater good rather than egoistical reasons.

One of these days, please, dear Universe. So mote it be.