I don´t feel well these days. I have so much anxiety that it hinders me in doing what I love to do. And I feel so intense restlessness and involuntary movements, the last due to side effects from prescription medicine.
So, tomorrow, I will have a longer talk with my counselor, and right thereafter I will contact my GP to ask for a larger dose of my anxiety medicine.
Enough is enough, I´m tired of myself. I know I can beat this anxiety, little by little, and now I don´t want to feel like this for a longer while. Therefore, I have decided to only watch the news once a day.
I can´t accommodate too many bad news at a time. And I can´t do anything to make myself feel better about our crazy world, where way too many people show that they don´t care about anybody but themselves.
Enough is enough, I´m fed up with watching two many people gathering way too close. I know that I need to come out in the world outside my universe here sometime.
But I´m not looking forward to it. I prefer to be at home as much as possible, and now even more so. But I also need to break my free will isolation and get outside to enjoy the more than fair weather.
So, tomorrow morning, it´s time for some serious self-care, including a long hot bath, my favorite perfume, and summer clothes. Before my call with my counselor, for I need to take care of the better me.
I have cut down the amount of rituals this week to only one for Thursday. A solitary ritual concerned mostly with healing, meditation, and casting spells for creativity, inner peace, and renewed energy.
All my life, I have always come to the point where I tell my Self to align itself and pull through with pure stubbornness and will power. I will not give up, no matter the challenge.
It is okay to have a few bad days now and then. But so often as it seems now, I need to do something about it quickly. Today, I have made a list of those chores and creative projects you always talk about but never accomplish.
Unless you say to yourself that now it the time to get away from the couch and be outside in the sun, to write, to draw and paint, or to just be the better me.
This I told myself today. Enough is enough.
My first tour de force out in the outside world will go to a hair dresser and a clothing outlet. My wardrobe needs a full makeover, and I have way to often put myself aside and helped other people more than I have helped myself.
This is shadow work to me when it is a brutally honest and real-time experience. It is liberating to sit and write again, I will write about my ritual Friday, and thereby I´m also announcing that I will continue posting on Fridays.
What´s in between, dear readers and followers, is my life´s adventure for better or worse. When I´m good and ready, I will share some of my material from my novel to hopefully receive constructive criticism.
That´s my plan for the fall. This longest spring in my life is to be released by the summer season. Here I need to work in depth with my novel. I need to write some scenes from different parts of the novel.
So that the plot feels like watching a movie. Then I will cue and cut my characters into a team of fictive people with a strong layer of realism covering it.
And try to show and to tell a story at the same time. A difficult task, but not impossible. It takes countless loads of hard work, many hours of thinking, writing, and doubting.
And longer periods where the work with the novel is stilled due to my anxiety. It is no longer acceptable to me to fight so hard so often. It takes precious time from the rest of my life.
Enough is enough.
Especially because I´m generally in a very good mood indeed. I´m not sad, I´m not unhappy, I´m not underestimating the real power behind an anxiety disorder when there is something going on in the world.
It is difficult right now. From chaos and lockdown to reopening and taking new risks meeting other people. To not know whether this is of a temporary or more permanent character.
And at the same time, I live with perfect conditions. I don´t need too many changes, although I acknowledge that change is inevitable. But nobody need the bullshit all at once, pardon my French.
Then comes Corona-virus along and all the trouble in its wake. And my anxiety woke up and kicked me to hell and back. Now enough is enough. I don´t have time for more of this.
Tonight, I will work with some witchcraft notes about the old times where a certain spell saved the day. It is so relaxing to be a witch, and I will make a both beautiful and sacred ritual for Thursday.
Enough is also enough here. Please take care of yourself, wherever you are. I return Friday evening with a blog post filled with positive energy, healing intentions, and inner peace.
The Northern Witch' s Blog 