Life is a funny thing. Just as you think you have been through hell and back, you wake up one day and everything turns 360 degrees without prior warning.
I usually compare it with the thought of riding a roller coaster on the loose. As for now, I´m on day seven with being happy and content by living in the present moment.
Eagerly awaiting my first visit since Corona year one with my counselor later this morning. Because he can help me convince my GP that we need a checkup on my anxiety medicine.
And relaxing with some writing about how it feel to beat anxiety fight by fight. There are little ripples on the mental ocean, but they are easily detected, and until now they behave to some degree.
I´m on a life-long journey. And it is an everyday issue to handle with care. Right now, the ride is rough, there is at the same time a higher mood to duel with too, and I feel a bit tired.
But it is only natural to feel tired as things have evolved worldwide. What is the point in meaningless violence, destruction, and negativity in its worst versions?
I try to escape from the news as often as possible. Instead, I look for the involuntary hilarious stories about people doing stupid things. This weekend I found two, and I´m still laughing when I think of them.
The first was about a man who got so angry at a neighbor that he took his bed and placed it in an intersection and went to sleep there. The other story was about a man who was so drunk that he peed in his pants and sat in the cold cuts before he stole two beers and got caught.
So, my mood is bright and clear. I´m having days of high quality. And things are going well here. But I know it is only the beginning of the journey, there will be bad days too.
Then I will try to remember all the funny things I have experienced throughout life and laugh until the tears are rolling down the cheeks. Laughter is healthy.
Riding a roller coaster for the rest of my life is okay, as long as it is possible to control it. I have discovered that my GP has given me the very minimum dose of anxiety medicine.
So, perhaps I´m on a too small dose. But to get him to help me, I need a statement from my counselor. It is a long process, help is not to be taken for granted with my GP.
But I will fight for this. Seven days of freedom from anxiety due to a pill, well, it is a small prize to pay for getting your life back. I know it helps, now I only need to convince my GP about it too.
When I get tired of myself, I look myself in the bathroom mirror. A demanding task at times because looking into my eyes at a time of discomfort is looking into the strictest eyes of my inner judge.
I use the same look in my eyes when I need to tell someone that they are getting too close to my most private sphere. It works immediately. I don´t like to see that expression in eyes too often.
It may sound harsh, but to me it is an effective strategy to pull myself together and face the music, cut through negativity, and keep on the hard work to become the better me.
The last six days, however, there has been no need for such. I am fully convinced that many of my troubles have to do with the low dose of anxiety medicine and too much concern for what others say and do.
I know that prescription medicine is not the only solution. And I don´t want more than necessary. Been there, done with that. But I want to feel much more what I have been feeling for more than a week now.
Life is like a roller coaster at times. But it is okay, as long as the ride is as predictable as possible for I don´t like any surprises along the way. I have had my time with troubles, now I need to live a peaceful life.
As I will it, so mote it be.
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