Yesterday, I was about to begin writing this blog post. Then it happened. I got out into the outside world. Found decent clothes to a decent price. Not a single sign of anxiety at all, not even when in the car.
Yesterday, I was proud of my Self. I actually came out and met the outside world after months of voluntary home quarantine, except from the daily walks with the little, old, wise dog and local shopping.
But there´s is no place like home. My afternoon rest is changed to writing mode. I feel safe and comfortable again. Because I was on high alert all morning yesterday, and I need to rant a bit.
Being cautious is becoming a more and more rare event. People all over the world are acting as if we lived in the times before the Corona virus. To disobey in public is so commonly happening that it is boring.
Why, oh why, won´t people begin to think twice and stop acting out like crazy? As if there wasn´t enough trouble already, as if the shit is only about to hit the fan, pardon my French.
Yesterday evening, more than 200 cars filled with people in the mood for an illegal street race gathered in the outskirts of my little town. They got caught and fined, for we can only gather fifty people at a time just now.
No, there´s absolutely no place like home left outside my house and my garden. Here we treat each other with respect, here we are loyal to our last breath, here we communicate and thrive.
Everywhere else is no place for me. No thank you, I prefer being at home to a degree that is impossible to describe. I´m so grateful that I´m early retired and able to do exactly that, stay at home as much as possible.
Shopping trips are carefully planned so we only have to go when it is necessary. And it is a good time to shop in the morning after the worst traffic jams and hectic being busy stuff.
I´m allergic to involuntary stress due to outside factors, especially the human one. I use so much strength to come through it, so I try to keep it at the lowest possible level.
Yesterday, I had my husband and my two closest friends with me on the trip. It is necessary with help because I don´t drive myself anymore. I have had a couple of serious anxiety attacks behind the wheel.
Therefore, I don´t want to drive and risk it again ever. But it is a small price to pay, and my two friends and family members are sweet to drive for me when I need to go out further than I can walk.
The trip went fine, but there´s no place like home. I have now used a day to vent and to think of everything else but the trip. The important thing was to get through it as the better me.
And it was a success. My visit with with counselor yesterday morning outside in the garden was also interesting. I have been offered to try acupuncture needles in my ears (NADA) and to use a special light lamp.
I have tried both before in my life, and I can only recommend it to others. It´s safe and extremely effective. So it´ll be good to try it again when it is possible and also completely free (in Denmark we pay high taxes instead).
I decided to write my blog post today instead because my energy level was pretty low after the trip. But that is to be expected, and besides, I write better when there is less adrenaline racing through my body.
Today, I have been playing with a sweet four-year-old girl. We also went to the new playground that has been built over the last couple of weeks for the children of our little town.
My writing session is to the sound of children having fun in the garden. And my good results with the extra medicine continue, I haven´t felt so good in months, even years.
There is no place like home when it has to do with learning to live well with an anxiety disorder and being bipolar at the same time. I know that exposure to whatever frightens you often can be an effective strategy.
But it also has to mix well with the main parts of my life that is lived right here, at home. So for me it is a conscious choice only to go out when I have to. I don´t miss the previous stress levels in my life at all.
And I prefer being around a small number of people in my everyday because I need to concentrate and direct my energy when I´m around people, even those close to me.
I feel boxed in with too many people around me like in a shopping mall, and I try to get away from them and the chaos of sounds, voices, and visual impressions that often is the tough reality to deal with.
Therefore, careful planning and preparation is an absolute must here, before we engage in any outward activity with me involved. But it´s never an issue, here we help each other through the difficult stuff.
No place like home when I for once is proud of the better me who proved her worth yesterday. Tomorrow, a seven-year-old girl is to play and have fun here. And I love it, no matter how tired I am the remains of the day.
As for today, however, the big master plan is to relax and do as little as possible. To enjoy life to its fullest, to wear new clothes after a long hot bath, and to prepare for a week with the promise of summer.
May your weekend bring you joy, happiness, and love, dear readers and followers. Merry meet and merry part and merry meet again. As we will it, so mote it be.
The Northern Witch' s Blog 