Day: June 27, 2020

Spells in the afternoon.

Sitting in the yard, in the shadow next to the shed. The weather is perfect, however a bit hot, 27 degrees Celsius, app. eighty degrees Fahrenheit.

The birds sing about the joy of summer, and they do their flight training right above us.

Yes, it is truly summer, the day is free to do whatever we please. So I decided to write outside on a hot summer morning, on the cell phone, trying to show the feeling of freedom, inner peace, and deep relaxation here at my little big spot on Mother Earth.

The first day of this week without this inner anxious restlessness, the feeling of freedom is again present.

It is a major relief after four days in a row where every sense seemed to amplify and distort everything I tried to do to get better.

My common sense tells me that it is only natural to feel more anxious in times of trouble. Nevertheless, I don´t feel it that way that easily.

My anxiety disorder is treated as good as possible. Which means that I´m happy and content with only experiencing perhaps five percent of what anxiety might have been without treatment.

I wouldn´t wish for my worst enemy to have to go through life with anxiety and panic attacks as unwelcome guests at any time or place.

I never become best friends with my anxiety. It disturbs my everyday, it takes its toll on my personal strength, and it annoys me when I least expect it to.

But sitting outside in the garden on such a beautiful day with coffee, listening to the sweet tunes from the swallow, the blackbird, and the wagtail, immediately removes and releases any kind of negativity.

I´m okay now, Self.

The mild, cool, and comfortable summer breeze nourishes my body, mind and soul. My husband and the little wise, old dog rest right next to me. And even the local traffic behaves itself for the moment.

I´m working with my new spell book these days of mixed emotions. It seems to be a calming and soothing activity, although I don´t work with ritual when I have hard mental work to do.

It is creative, too, because I get new ideas along the way. I get a close look into my Book of Shadows at the same time. And I enjoy making my own recipes.

I´m also planning an inventory day where I will go through my witchcraft stock. Especially my two witchy kitchen cabinets need a makeover.

This weekend would be a perfect time to do just that, so that I once again get to know what´s hidden in the shadows of cabinets and boxes which ooze out mystery and sacred wisdom.

A wise friend taught me how to rest between breaks, to evaluate, and to recover and gather breaks.

For quite some time now, I´m at a slower pace than I´m used to. It is important to me to be able to un-stress my mind as often as possible, and to do that I need to withdraw every now and then.

I´m outside as much as I feel ready to be. But sometimes it is more soothing to stay inside despite the weather conditions.

It is an uneven fight these days. And I feel rather tired mentally. I get my seven or eight hours of sleep every night, so physically I´m okay.

I wish I could let go of that anxiety as easily as I can let go of issues from the past.

But anxiety knows its own ways best, and the most important thing to do about it is to try to accept that it is here to stay whether I like it or not.

Yet I find myself fighting harder than ever. My attacks are strong with an extremely sensitive nature.

My senses are overloaded to a degree where one part of me wants desperately to get away from that eerie feeling of extreme discomfort, both physically and mentally.

Another part of me knows the impossible in the situation, andddd tries to follow the twists and turns of this untamed roller coaster.

It can take from a few seconds, to a couple of minutes, to hours to recover from those out-of-nowhere attacks.

Then follow the days behind the scenes, where I recover further by taking my strict precautions for not risking worse attacks and longer recovery time.

I´m on day three until mow. Monday and Tuesday were long and tough to go through. The last couple of days have been acceptable, but today´s my favorite.

May your weekend be blessed with sunshine, happiness, and soothing relaxation, dear readers and followers. So mote it be.