Today is a good day. And a bad day too. I have spent the afternoon in the company of people I love. And all day, I have had a series of little annoying minor anxiety attacks.
I have spent more than three hours with my cell phone. Calling my father and old friends. We kept on talking because everything right now is pretty much out of order.
We live in times of deep trouble. We all get affected by the Corona-virus in some way. And I have watched way too many news because of my father´s visit. He watches a lot of TV.
And TV right now is too much to bear. The terrible disaster in Beirut hit me hard. The virus is more aggressive in Denmark now. And in the wake of the virus, there is chaos and disorder worldwide.
I have used my energy big time the last week and today as well. I laugh, I cry, I´m easily touched to the bottom of my heart. My body shakes, I have all the physical indications of an ongoing anxiety attack.
Mentally, I´m tired. Physically, I plan to rest after this piece of writing. Spiritually, I find comfort in the old goddesses and the stories about them during time.
Go away, anxiety. Leave me alone, please. I don´t need you today and preferably tomorrow, too. Today, we are not friends, my anxiety and I. I fight, I divert, divert, divert. Yet it keeps coming my way.
It is extremely hot, I´m sweaty, I´m old enough for menopause, and I can´t eat anything. At the same time, I can feel my bipolar disorder turning to the lower side once again.
I´m okay, Self, remember it is also a natural thing to be on the alert when life throws yet another challenge in my corner here in the southern part of Denmark.
We are prepared with rubbing alcohol, face masks, and gloves when shopping necessities. And we will be tested as soon as possible. But it is something of a bumpy ride right now.
The truth is that the world is becoming overwhelming to me. So, I have kept the news to a necessary minimum. I eat a piece of pizza, take a sip of my soft drink, and I conquer myself again.
Go away, anxiety. I wrote an email to my counselor earlier today. Told him that life feels a bit shaky and that a visit would be good, but that a phone call also could do the trick, making me believe in myself again.
I listen to thundering drums, wild bass guitar riffs, and lyrics with meaning to me. I think of all the things I´m grateful for in my life. And I´m brutally honest, this is shadow work when it is most difficult.
How are you, dear readers and followers? What´s going on at your place? Are you safe and okay? Feel free to comment and let us share, let us help each other.
I´m deeply affected tonight. But I will conquer anxiety, I will come back stronger than I was before all this, and I will smile again. Tonight, I just want to rant, to feel, to remain sane.
Please be careful wherever you are.
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