— I feel as were my emotions on the outside of my body, meaning that I feel with every possible sense.
I have no filter to put up between the world and me. So when I feel, I can see it, hear it, smell it, taste it and almost touch it too.
And being in the lower side on the scale of highs and lows means a lot of feeling these days.
I just cried to an old sentimental song. The lyrics caught up with me, and the music called for a cleansing through my eyes.
So I feel silly as well.
But when I feel, I feel with my whole body, mind, and soul. Menopause combined with a bipolar disorder is a strong cocktail.
At the moment, some of my friends have a difficult time. And there is absolutely nothing I can do to help.
Other than being present, hope for the best outcome and pray that the inevitable pain will be tolerable.
It feels awful to be a witness to. And the worst part of it is that I really care for them. They are family, my friends for life.
The world outside must take care of itself today. I can feel it will be one of those days where the road to tears is short.
The strange thing is that I´m happy at the same time. I have been so lucky to receive many gifts from the Universe.
I live a good life, I don´t need anything, and I have people who care for me.
And this is becoming the fourth day in a row without the so annoying minor attacks. And no major anxiety either.
Knowing that the trees don´t grow into heaven for a reason, I´m careful, but optimistic. Perhaps it will last a little longer.
And that is all that I need to be happy. Then I truly have everything I could wish for.
Except for the issue with my friends. This is a life lesson in the aspects of love. Roses have thorns, and they hurt like hell when they sting.
Listening to our late national poet, Kim Larsen who wrote many a beautiful and memorable song.
It inspires me to write with focus on life from its most light and positive side.
These days, there are more than plenty things to worry about. And today, I´m in a light, however serious mood.
When I feel, I feel with all my senses. And sometimes I cry and laugh at the same time because something touched me deeply.
It can be anything from a piece of lyrics, a sudden tune, to an atmosphere in a movie, my loved ones when they say they love me.
These months, I´m extremely sensitive to emotions, even if everything feels okay and safe.
That is my bipolar shining through. I´m not in the bottom of a well, I stand before it and know it is a no go.
Just as I know that the high perspective may contain my creative drive but I still need to control it too.
It is a balance between believing in me or not. The medication regulates that balance so I only get to feel the edges, the shadows, and the shifts.
It is hard work like with anxiety. And it begins the day you finally accept that bipolar disorder has come to stay.
With the right medication, therapy and strength of will, it is possible to live a truly good life despite a serious mental illness.
My thoughts today go to everybody with mental problems. Stay strong, it will be better somehow, someday.
Time is said to have healing abilities. So it is here. But everything comes with a price that is called memories and life experience.
It is okay, Self, to show the world that when I feel, I do it thoroughly. I have wished many times that the intensity slowed down a bit.
Today, I´m happy to be able to feel so deeply that tears often show my state of mind. For I cry both from sadness and joy.
When I feel, I know that I´m experiencing coming memories. And it is okay to feel like that. The intensity shows me that I´m only human.
And today I feel quite satisfied with that.
The Northern Witch' s Blog 