We live in troubled times. We live in an enclosed Paradise. And we live in the wake of the ups and downs between moods. It is a day of mixed emotions.
My bipolar is mocking me today. It is my depressive mood that it wants to leave inside me. The anxiety, however, behaves itself. Today, I´m in the thoughtful mood, the one that needs to make some serious decisions.
When you come to the point with something or somebody that you feel that you can´t come any further. Perhaps it is just the way things are. And it is time to pick up the pieces and move on.
It is about choosing the right fight to fight. It is about having to make choices to stay happy, although it inevitably will end up hurting somebody else. And it is about setting up healthy boundaries.
I need to maintain my inner balance of ups and downs between moods. Especially, when I´m in the depressive mood, in the midst of crisis worldwide.
I definitely don´t need anything else on my plate today, thank you, dear Universe. I´m already busy embracing happiness, inner peace, health, and kindness.
Besides, I don´t have neither the time and energy, nor the slightest interest in more trouble than necessary. Which to me means as little as possible.
So, today equals with self-care, self-love, and self-respect. A long hot bath and comfortable clothing. Writing as my refuge in a chaotic world. And a decision to withdraw even further.
We already live an isolated life. We prefer that to reliving the past each and every day for the rest of our lives. And in this pandemic era, it seems to be the best possible decision to have made.
But personal reasons make it necessary to maintain a healthier boundary between us and the world outside. Closing in on us, it is about time to take care of ourselves before anything else.
By taking care of ourselves, I mean to take precious care of our little Paradise of a big house, a beautiful garden, and wonderful possiblities only awaiting activity.
Anything and anybody else must either wait or do the same. Now is not the time to fight somebody´s else cause. And it is not only necessary, it´s fair, too.
Such considerations inevitably will hurt, it is so unpleasant to have to say, and I always feel extremely bad about it. Until it is done. Then I move on on my terms only.
The road to that consequence is long, painful, and definite. I hate such moments, but I also learn my lessons from them. And maintaining healthy, personal boundaries between yourself and others is important.
We all have a life of our own to think of. It is wonderful to share something, but nobody can give anything, if there are no resources left for Self at the end of the day.
I admit frankly that I´m everything but perfect. I have lived long enough to know that I have both flaws and quirks, that I am the kind of person who only knows the tough lane, and that I often make mistakes.
Luckily enough, my main goal in life has never been to be most popular girl around the neighborhood. I so much prefer the simple, yet complicated way of handling life at its worst and its best at the same time.
In the wake of ups and down between moods, I long for the positive stories, the funny stupid nonsense done by stupid people in general, and the long, deep laughter that liberates twice as much as do tears.
That´s what I search for in all areas of my life. A positive outlook, the fun aspects of life, and laughing as life-enriching therapy. It´s a direct opposite to being in the lower levels of bipolar disorder.
And it is so effective, if you only dare to try living a different lifestyle, where a word is a word, every action has a corresponding consequence, and the main goal is to make the most of everything available.
To put action behind the written words is to me to try to get up every morning with the sole purpose of making it a day to remember. To create memories together is to live life for better or for worse.
And we only get this one chance to try to find out what happens, if we dare to jump out into life and truly enjoy the ups and downs in tune with Nature and our inner shadow Self.
Neverthelsss, I write with a heavy heart.
Because it is mentally challenging to on the one side to experience a beautiful path of happiness, on the other side people are drowning in troubles, one more accelerating than the other.
But I wouldn´t try to escape from the reality, even if I could. This puts my life in its true perspective, and it enhances my life experience. And if that won´t work, well, then I always have the mirror in my bathroom.
To look in there with my eyes is true learning. Cut down to base, no excuses left, and brutal honesty. I can at any time feel if anything is not okay.
Then I search for something to do about it as soon as possible. Some issues requires both time and deep contemplation. And they often come with a heavy price.
That is called life lessons in my perspective. And, in the wake of the ups and downs between moods, the true ones hurt the most. When you come to the point of needing to letting go.
Being happy and deeply in love with my husband at the same time helps more than any word can express. It is here I put my focus, it is here I belong, and it is here life is lived.
So I better make the most of it, including deep and personal boundaries between my Self and other people´s serious troubles. Shadow work is always tough, however.
Without darkness, there would be no light. Without light, there would be no darkness. I choose to live my life through the shadows of black and white. Therefore, I´m a grey witch.
Next week is for creative projects and writing alone. Need to do the laundry and other chores first. But then the great fun of being able to do something I love to do.
For my life, I´m grateful. I wouldn´t try to escape the difficult spots, even if I could. So, in the wake of the ups and downs between moods, there is hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and there is domestic bliss.
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