Change has arrived at last. Now, I´m in my high-spirited mood again, and life feels almost perfect were it not for back pain that began a couple of days ago when I woke up.
It has been a while since my latest troubles with my lower back. I used to be a cleaning lady in my younger years, and it damaged my back permanently. I have degenerative disc disorder in my lower back.
So I almost forgot how painful it can be. The other day, I felt it immediately as I woke up. Thundering headache and excruciating pain attacks.
Now, I´m in the aftermath of strong pain killers and a lot of shifts between sitting, lying, standing, and walking. The pain decides which to choose right now.
But my spirit is high, the better me is back. After months of being depressive, this is freedom. It is time for my Muse to land on my shoulder again.
Fall has come, too. My healing ritual is set for next week, Samhain is my next Sabbath to plan, and soon, it will be time to walk in the nearby forest to enjoy the colors of Fall.
The next couple of weeks will be tough because I need to be crtical with what I choose to do or not. My rising energy level needs to be tamed, so that I don´t burn my life´s candle in both ends.
Therefore, I plan to use every strategy possible to be both energetic and slow moving at the same time. But after a few weeks, I know that everything will be fine again when I find the right balance.
The change differs mentally from the physical aspects due to my other ailments that right now are tormenting me. Anxiety behaves, although I sense a small attack or two now and then this afternoon.
So, this Fall begins with lots of plans and, hopefully, a rising energy level. The weather fits the season with little, fiery rain showers shifting to beautiful and fair Indian summer.
I say welcome back to the better me because it feels so much more free on the high side of the scale of highs and lows. This year, the shift has been long in the making.
Everything is markedly different from any previous year I can remember. A new agenda in the form of a virus determines our behavior and ways to cope with life.
In the outside world that is. Here, change is more a personal choice of lifestyle. We have our own rules, and they are both easy and demanding at the same time.
Don´t play tricks on us, don´t lie to us, and don´t take us for granted. Our life experience tells us that such rules are necessary and healthy. If we can abide to them, then change is a friend and not an enemy here.
Listening to the late Danish national poet, Kim Larsen, to songs about life, love, and the everyday. Beautiful lyrics, feel good tunes, then the pace is set for a creative writing session.
I´m a bit philosophical today. I take a stroll down Memory Lane every once in a while and try to change negative experiences into a positive outlook on life as it comes.
I believe that nothing happens without some sort of reason. Meaninglessness is destructive only, so I search for meaning in whatever I do.
Yet another press conference is a few minutes away. About the Corona situation in Denmark. Better watch at least some of it, for it has been a while since I last actually watched TV.
I mostly use it as background noise for the many evenings and nights when I´m in the writing mood. But okay, today I´ll watch some TV, treat my back gently on the couch, and be the better me.
Welcome back to joy, to enthusiasm, and to gratitude. Thank you, dear Universe, for the burden of a bipolar disorder that can be tamed, if only you dare to fight back with everything you got.
Although happy and mentally high on new ideas, the better me, with the aid of prescription medicine and intensive therapy for the rest of my life, knows how to keep the leash on me.
I have found the balance between ups and downs now. I may still rock the boat, but I have also control over the oars. And anxiety remains calm in its corner, not a single hiss or sigh.
It is a day of mix between sun and rain, between sweet and sour, and between happiness and sorrow. A trip down Memory Lane happens a couple of times a year here.
I have fifty-one years to run through. And I both cry my heart out and laugh as loud as possible. For I have seen and heard everything worth knowing from this and that.
Regarding people, I really don´t have any experience left, except for kindness, gratitude, and decency, that would make me trust more than I do by now.
The human factor is always unpredictable. Therefore, I´m so careful to work with myself and the curiosity shop of ailments that I live with. To trust in yourself is the most difficult job of all.
But it is necessary no matter what. May your weekend be blessed with lots of laughter and the art of creating lasting memories in the moment that life happens. As in right now. So mote it be.
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