Life is funny sometimes. One day I woke up, realizing that I had to learn to live well with bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety, social phobia, and ADHD.
Yes, I have been lucky enough to deal with the lot all at once, whether I like it or not. Spoiler alert : self-irony between the lines may occur. For it is a roller coaster ride, and it is best to be prepared for everything.
Living with bipolar disorder is not a joyride for free. There is a high price to pay, especially when I´m in between moods, and I need to rock the boat to adapt to either a high or a low phase in my life.
When I finally understood that this would stay with me for the rest of my life, I immediately began working with myself to the core of my problems. I now fully understand at least some reasons for a tough life so far.
My life used to be a textbook example of how not to respond to the fact that I´m gifted with a series of heavy duty diagnoses. But now, I´m open enough to share my experiences with them.
My ADHD has changed to the better with age, I have almost conquered anxiety and social phobia, and I´m learning to live well with bipolar disorder.
My psychiatrist told me three years ago that it would last a couple of years, before I was okay again. He was right. It takes a large amount of time, strong efforts, and iron will to become the better me.
The one with the happy smile, the one with the creative muse on the shoulder, and the one with the tears of relief when yet another day without an anxiety attack is well done with.
I absolutely hate the low mood. I have no energy whatsoever, I can´t pull myself together as much as I would love to do, and I feel devastated. Whereas the high mood may sound as pure bliss.
But both sides need to be under strict control because without my medication, my therapy, and my determination to keep getting better the shit would truly hit the fan, pardon my French.
Last week I got a letter that stated that my therapy is for my lifetime. It opened my eyes even further for the necessity of doing exactly what I´m doing and keep doing it every single day from morning to bedtime.
Living with bipolar disorder has also been put in perspective for me, for I have seen what happens when it is on the loose on both sides. And I tell you, it is definitely not funny at all to experience.
I still believe, however, that it is possible to live a good life with a serious mental disorder. If you only dare to face the music and do your damn best to maintain a healthy balance between highs and lows.
It demands hard work, bull-like determination, and acceptance. I have fought against it for many years without knowing what in reality was haunting me.
Now, I don´t have nightmares, I don´t feel insecure, and I don´t behave as my own worst enemy. Medication and therapy change over the course of time, but the will to live a good life is the key to everything.
I have postponed my blog post until today. I have been busy helping friends through a difficult time for both them and me. And I have been hit by the flu, not the Corona virus.
So, I took the liberty to try to heal myself and to relax a few days. Therefore, this blog post is also shorter than usual. But next Friday I´m back in the saddle.
Please take good care of yourself, dear readers and followers. We live in dangerous times. May the world heal itself ASAP and may humanity learn from past mistakes, please. So mote it be.
The Northern Witch' s Blog 