I can feel it coming, slowly to begin with. But then, it comes full throttle, and out of nowhere, I´m thrown straight into the beginning depths of a luring depression.
Changing my mood once again, and I absolutely hate it.
Therefore, I try to short-circuit myself as much as possible so that I don´t fall so far down the deep well of tears, regrets, and paralyzing catastrophe thoughts.
I don´t mind being born bipolar. However, I most certainly prefer to be on the higher end of the scale between flying oh so alluring high and falling deep down under what I´m capable of doing.
My SAD (seasonal affective disorder) will show up sometime in the fall eventually. But if I can work hard to delay it, then I´m all in.
Writing and being creative save the day, and besides, I´m in the middle of my menopause. So there are both the hot flushes and the annoying mood swings. I begin by howling desperately to the moon, only to end up laughing hysterically at something serious at an inappropriate time.
This week has been pretty busy with lots of coffee visits, conquering my daily chores, and getting to know my new laser printer. Not the one that I ordered to begin with because delivery would be delayed until September 23.
For about 50 dollars more, I got a better model, it is way easier to use, and I only waited one day for it to arrive at my doorstep.
Online shopping has become my favorite choice, rather than physical shops. But in recent months, since we had to make a painful and difficult decision of letting go of a toxic relationship, I have been more out on trips, including grocery shopping.
This change is essential to us. We have renewed an old friendship, befriended rare good people, and experienced much better things.
Yesterday, I wrote as were the Devil himself chasing me. I now only have about 60 pages to read and write notes about. After that, I will begin my printing marathon. Probably somewhere between 500 to 600 pages need to come alive on print.
Changing my mood once again won´t stop me from trying to achieve my goals. However, it may be at a slower pace, it may try to trigger my procrastination, and it may feel uphill.
My motivation for writing my novels and staying creative is at the same time the “cure” for my underlying apathy when in the depressive state of mind.
But please don´t misread me here. I´m alright, thank you, and I feel happy and content with my life.
My counselor told me that my level of compliance is very high and that I have reached a steady state with my bipolar disorder and my anxiety.
It is the same when I´m in the fast lane. My inner enthusiasm is evident, loud, and untamed. And that trait is something that I cherish and can´t live without. My internal drive is my most vital creative power, and it is at the same time me in a nutshell.
I try hard to learn to live with severe and complex ailments, both physical and mental. My main aim is to create the kind of “normal” that fits my size.
Therefore, I may need a push in the right direction when I´m feeling the blues. But, not, when I´m where I´m at this very moment, I´m writing this to you, dear readers and followers.
Changing my mood once again is yet to happen. I´m just fine-tuning my many strategies for coping well with my mental disorders. Being prepared and go all-in when necessary is my top priority. I don´t ever again want to experience a roller coaster on the loose as in 2017.
So, I keep fighting back every inch. Finally, I have parked the anxiety in the corner, kicked the bipolar in the butt, and told Self that everything will be just fine as long as we don´t rock the boat.
Predictability, the path to achieving inner peace, and acknowledgment that change is the only constant to consider in life. I´m living in the present moment, and the only thing I can change about my past is my attitude toward it.
I thrive with my loved ones, creative projects, witchcraft, and you, dear readers and followers.
And I´m proud that I managed to handle a bad situation positively without even raising my voice. That I could stand up for what I believe in and love. And that so many positive things have happened ever since.
Tomorrow, I get to work with varnish. My beverage coasters need that to shine and be both practical and beautiful. It will take place outside, of course.
My plan is to work myself through a garden photo safari at the same time.
Next Friday, I will show what my sweet husband has worked so hard to please me with. He´s quite capable as a gardener. His talents are numerous, by the way.
His best trait is his honesty and ability to show true love.
My family is not only traditional. My family is a rainbow family of a family by blood, family by friendship, and family by online readers and followers.
Thank you for being my greatest inspiration, for supporting me in my endeavors, and for being present in my life.
Tomorrow, I will ask my husband to join me in a witchcraft ritual where only the casting and closing of the circle are prepared beforehand.
I will carefully choose what to put on my altars. Little, deeply cherished, and symbolic objects, like, e.g., my athame, my pentagram, and my new, homemade Tarot cards. I printed out the Marseilles deck and laminated the cards.
I prefer them in black and white, although their origin is colored.
May your weekend be blessed with sunshine, happiness, and the presence of good people. And may the world soon come to its senses, make us people care. As we will it, so mote it be.
The Northern Witch' s Blog 