Day: October 15, 2021

Good afternoon, dear readers and followers.

This morning, icy cold and windy with little fiery showers, I got my new glasses. One pair for general daily use, another pair for my creative pursuits.

This afternoon, I went to my GP to talk about my bipolar disorder. I ended up with a new medication that hopefully will help me get through my many mood swings and the no-mans-land between moods.

New routines are necessary to be cautious when using the new medication because of its side effects. And I need to adjust myself to my new glasses the first couple of weeks.

But all in all, I feel great and relieved. I have waited for new glasses for an extended time because saving before spending in a limited economy is crucial. Moreover, my bipolar disorder has been unpleasant this week and also longer. And new routines, therefore, come as a significant relief.

Besides all that jazz, everything is perfect and OK here at my little big spot of Paradise on Mother Earth. The celebration of Samhain is getting closer by the hour, and I can´t wait to present you with the best possible guided tour around my upcoming ritual.

It is my preferred ritual in the Wheel of The Year. It is my kind of New Year. And it is the celebration of my five years as a witch so far.

Therefore, this year, I will write about it as soon as it is over, followed by beautiful photos of the ritual in progress, on Sunday, October 31, 2021.

Another article will be here on Sunday, October 17, 2021. This day, five years ago, my beautiful classic car was stolen and burnt to ashes for no reason at all but to save somebody else´s sorry little butt, pardon my French.

But today, my mood is upbeat and on the happy side on the scale between oh yes so liberating to fly and oh no so devastating to stall, spin, and drop to the ground.

Being born with bipolar disorder is both a gift and a curse at the same time.

The gift lies in the creative veins in my body, mind, and soul. If controlled strictly with the correct medication and life-long therapy, mania can be a fun, productive, and spirit-lifting friend. Unfortunately, however, depression can be a rotten, bitchy, and merciless enemy.

The curse is that it will turn and turn and turn no matter how hard you try to control it. You are born with it, and you die with it.

Personally, it is a brand new “friendship” to love, maintain, and learn new lessons from. I got the diagnosis at the age of forty-eight.

The incident with my car in 2016 sent me spiraling into a mania that lasted at least seven months before I pulled my last strength and asked for professional help. I spent a week in the hospital, and after that, I worked with the district psychiatry for three years.

Their last help was to give me the possibility to benefit from weekly counselor visits in my home. For that, I´m grateful. Because it saved my life from being miserable. It saved my marriage. And it made me capable of joining true friendships again.

I know I´m lucky, for sadly, there are too many places where such help isn´t available. Therefore, my thoughts today go to those without it; may they find happiness, inner peace, good health, and kindness.

Today, my reward for going out into the outside world, away from my beloved home, is to clean my creative desk after this blog post and go to my creative den and gather materials for a new creative project.

Next comes my call to my eighty-three-year-old father, shifting between being creative and watching TV, and the first dose of my new medication just before bedtime.

Tomorrow, I will work with my novels only. A whole day dedicated to writing, trying to convince my creative muse to stay on my shoulder rather than flying away all the time.

Sunday is already planned to be a small memorial of my classic car, an Opel Kadett, E type, 1985, 27,029 miles, stoled and burned in the early morning of October 17, 2016.

No matter what the weather gods may decide to do, there will be a bonfire in the garden where I will release my pain and troubles.

During this fall and winter, my husband will fix the number plate to paint it with original colors and the rainbow as well. It will be hung on the wall in our hall together with my best photo of it and the original keys.

I may forgive, but I never forget.

Now, it is time to enjoy my husband´s coffee, a delicious meal, and life in general. This week and probably a couple more, I´m recovering again-again from too many things happening for too long a time.

My counselor and my husband suggested that I go on a voluntary “vacation” from social gatherings and too many chores at the same time.

So, this week has been quiet but merry nonetheless.

I have had time to relax enough to go out today. I have been able to sleep properly, which this week meant a lot. And I have managed to be creative with one project at a time rather than having thousands of ideas becoming nothing at all.

And, I promise you, I will come back stronger than ever before. I have so many things that I would like to do; I have every opportunity to do just that, and now is the time to do something serious about it.

I achieved twenty-one words to write before hitting my goal of a thousand words written in an hour and 10 minutes.

May your weekend be merry, filled with joy and lasting memories, and blessed with love, laughter, and deep inner peace, dear readers and followers. And may no one be ever more stigmatized due to a mental disorder. So mote it be.