Three good things from this past week. My anxiety left me for a little less a day ago, only to hiss and snarl from its corner, far away from me.
So, I have been busy all week trying to recover as fast as possible from a massive series of wild anxiety attacks for almost a week in a row.
At the same time, my husband and I kept focusing our energy on decorating our home for the upcoming Christmas season.
My plans about two monthly witchcraft rituals will have to wait for next year, as I´m thoroughly exhausted from spending time waiting in line for a PCR test. Now the authorities want to reserve that kind of test for those with symptoms of Covid 19.
Therefore, we will need to discuss with our closest friends how we get tested, where, and when,
But until then, my plan is to stay at home as much as possible and only meet with the seven people that have become dear friends in 2021.
Oh my, did that anxiety hurl me through a vortex of extremely uncomfortable shaking, feelings of utter despair, and deep fright. But, of course, my stress is extreme in the physical department, too, as it tends to feel very, very physical, indeed.
My counselor and I spent a whole hour discussing methods to talk the anxiety “down” to the point of non-existence. And I have asked to continue that discussion next time as well.
December seems to be a month filled with the full scale of feelings, especially those concerning recovery from nasty anxiety attacks out of the blue without prior warning symptoms.
But we fight back every inch of the way by trying to create a cozy atmosphere here at our little piece of paradise on Mother Earth.
We have lit candles, my husband watches TV, and I sit in my favorite chair with comfortable clothing, fuzzy slippers, and everything necessary right next to me.
Staying at home is not an issue here, as we are early retired and already used to doing precisely that. Our everyday chores, our responsibility toward our dog and cats, and what has to be done come before any personal concerns, even anxiety and bipolar disorder.
The latter is somewhat perplexed, as it is possible to experience mild mania and depression simultaneously with the mixed episodes.
Slowly, but indeed I´m recovering from a long and demanding working week, where all my strategies had to be activated one by one, as nothing seemed to help.
Today, it stopped as abruptly as it did begin one week ago.
The cozy atmosphere right here, right now in our living room, is soothing, comforting, and reassuring that everything will be just fine as long as I listen to my body, mind, and soul.
This weekend, staying at home means little creative projects and the first thoughts about my upcoming Yule/Winter Solstice Ritual on December 21, 2021.
This month, it will be the sole ritual as I´m mentally worn out after last week´s reign of terror from my anxiety disorders.
But it will be beautiful, still.
Recovery from so strong a series of anxiety attacks demand my full attention, dedicated daily work, and iron will.
This meant lots of rest this week. And after two nights in a row with excellent and deep sleep, I´m also capable of feeling myself again. That gives way for new strength, stemming from my inner drive to never give up, no matter what.
I feel so privileged to be living in perfect harmony with anything except for the unknown human factor that awaits me every time I step outside our front door.
I plan to be more prepared next time to avoid being caught up in massive anxiety attacks after necessary shopping trips for groceries, medicine, and other necessities. I have medication that can handle the worst feelings of fear of what other people might or might not do when I go out in the outside world.
And I plan to discuss this whenever necessary with my loved ones and my counselor so that we together can create a sort of safe haven for me to go to after an essential trip out.
The positive aspect of all this is that the atmosphere here is cozier than ever before. Tonight is the first evening this week where anxiety leaves me ultimately in peace with myself and the world around me.
It will be positive, too, when we, in just 20 days from now, will greet my father welcome for the Christmas celebrations.
This year, it will be our second Christmas season, as we celebrated it already in September when we did not know that he could get here for the season according to the calendar.
So, staying at home is not an issue here with us. On the contrary, we love it, treasure it, and feel incredibly grateful for the opportunity to do just that.
It´s my castle, my safety net, my stronghold. And nothing from the outside world gets to have a say here unless we cannot avoid it, like tax, doctor´s appointments, and monthly bills to pay.
Despite a long week fighting back anxiety, I´m still standing on my own two feet, enjoying my life. I have created a Christmas calendar for my husband with 24 notes about why I love him. Watching his happiness and feeling his love, I could not wish for more whatsoever.
Now it is time to sit back and enjoy the remains of the evening with my husband, our little wise, old dog, and our three philosophical cats. Perhaps a good movie, maybe a beautiful conversation.
May your weekend be merry, filled with love, and happy, dear readers and followers. May the world find happiness, inner peace, good health, and kindness, too. And may anxiety leave me alone for quite some time now.
If we only dare to believe it, it might actually happen. So mote it be. Merry meet, merry part, and merry meet again.
The Northern Witch' s Blog 