This week has been strangely surrounded by my anxiety that doesn´t seem to know what direction it wants to pull me through if I ever lay my guards down and relax for a whole evening without noticing the little annoying signs.
So I have decided to fight straight back hard against hard. Now, I´m in my living room with a crime series to bingewatch as a break from the writing of this blog post.
I have taken extra prescription medicine for a whole week at least. And yet it still amazes me how extraordinary strong anxiety really is when you allow yourself the chance to get close to it.
I want a quiet evening where I write a little, both on the keyboard and by hand, where I can feel free from anxiety, and where I can be the me I want to be even with anxiety as an unwanted co-pilot in life.
So I sit with music in my ears and try to divert myself from the racing thoughts that a quick news snapshot set in motion half an hour ago. A demonstration in Copenhagen with almost 500 people.
To protest against violation of civil rights. To protest against the lockdown. And to protest against, whatever. The Corona virus doesn´t care. I can feel my anxiety very lively today already, so thank you, not.
It is the wildest roller coaster ride in my entire life, this crazy world outside my house and garden. I did, however, manage to go for an extra walk with the little wise, old dog this morning.
Knowing that we will go out again later in the afternoon. Where there probably will be more people than I am learning to prefer. Staying home is a privilege to me.
I don´t want to see or hear more news today. I will work with some old witchcraft notes, continue the research part for my novel, and try to get a couple of hours feeling free from anxiety.
So that for once in a longer while, there will be a quiet evening without any worries and concerns. Where the thoughts kept quiet, where the physical symptoms remained unnoticed, and where peace prevails.
But I need to clear my head, to shake off the eerie feeling of being in a state of constant alert, and to convince my Self that I´m okay and actually in a positive mood.
I need not worry about the world outside my refuge here. At least, not for now and not for some time. Until we all meet again in front of the screens, at home, together, yet apart.
It is another era that we´re entering these months. Nothing is completed just yet. We still need to know the effects from phase 1. Phase 2 is growing fast. And we need to learn about the good examples.
As for now and some time ahead, I don´t do any readings about anything associated with the future, for I see only a fog for me. I will know it sooner or later anyway, and besides, I live in the present moment.
The past is there no matter what I do. I can only change my reaction to it. And that I do by doing intensive shadow work on daily basis until things turns better outside in the still more crazy world.
And we have to believe that things will be better there. At my little spot, there is freedom, responsibility, and loving care. So my focus is here and not so much outside this sphere.
But, of course, I watch, I read, and I think my thoughts about all this. I prefer the positive outlook to all the negatives and what ifs. Unless it has to do with my novel that is.
I have only a big sigh left for all the fools and stupid people. They have nothing to do with my everyday, and I try to avoid them as much as possible. And it is becoming something of a quest as time goes by.
One way to be less stressed when shopping is to write down what you need according to the design of the shop, so you follow a one-way route rather than racing up and down and meet people more than necessary.
My counselor told me that advice which we immediately have taken to us. It will make shopping so much easier, less costly, and perhaps one day an event to look forward to.
Until that happens, I will follow my own strict guidelines for appearing in public, and I know it has come to stay, perhaps for the rest of this life. So we might as well pull ourselves together and do what it takes to stay healthy and safe.
Now, I will wish you a pleasant and enriching weekend, dear readers and followers. It´s time to relax, get inspired, and go to work with my novel. May the world find the positive light, so mote it be.